Increased anxiety 10 days after reducing from 10 to 5mg, and heavy cold

[Sparkle1984]

Thanks. It is now Day 12 for me and I'm still feeling a lot of heightened anxiety. Since last night, I've also been having a feeling of dread. I didn't sleep so well last night because of this, and I've also been having disturbing dreams. I keep getting a feeling of tightness in my chest and tummy area, as well as a lot of intrusive thoughts. I looked back at my diary from the last time I started citalopram in summer 2020, and I was still feeling rough into the second and third week, so I may still have a way to go as yet! :(

[panic_down_under]

I looked back at my diary from the last time I started citalopram in summer 2020, and I was still feeling rough into the second and third week, so I may still have a way to go as yet! :(

It is impossible to know. But you haven't started from being med free so it shouldn't take as long as in 2020. That said, the only predictable thing about ADs is their unpredictably. You might wake tomorrow and be back to your usual self, or still be waiting for the med to kick-in a month for now. There is no proven way of speeding this up.

[Sparkle1984]

Thanks. Today i felt a bit better than I did yesterday, but unfortunately just before 7pm I started to feel panicky. I think it may be because someone else in a group support chat said something triggering - they were talking about how their aunt had just been diagnosed with thyroid cancer. As I'm 40, I can reassure myself that I'm still relatively young, but then it suddenly hit me that in years/decades to come I won't be able to reassure myself in that way anymore, and what then? Will my anxiety get worse as I get older? I asked my step-dad for his thoughts on this (he is 80) and he said that as you get older you come to terms with the concept of death more. He even said that he rarely ever thinks of it nowadays! I wish I could be that care-free!

[panic_down_under]

in years/decades to come I won't be able to reassure myself in that way anymore, and what then?

Not only are you crossing bridges before you come to them, but doing so long before they are even built!

Will my anxiety get worse as I get older?

Maybe. Life is all about the journey, not the destination. Seems to me you're so focused on the destination that you're ignoring the delights the ride has to offer.

I asked my step-dad for his thoughts on this (he is 80) and he said that as you get older you come to terms with the concept of death more.

I'm nearly his age and agree, but I've, panic attacks aside, not been much worried about being dead (dying is another matter). I've lived what the Chinese would call an 'interesting' life and almost until the day didn't expect to see my 40th birthday. Death wasn't something I then spent a lot of time thinking about. Still don't. I'm fortunate that while I have a number of health issues they don't really restrict me in what I want to do that much, or affect my quality of life. That isn't the case for many.

My father died a month before he was to turn 101. In one of our last conversations he said he felt about 70 and hoped to have several more years. Otoh, my mother was in poor health and some pain towards the end and was definitely ready to go. There can be things worse than death.

I wish I could be that care-free!

You can be. But it requires work. No one will hand you that life on a silver platter.

Ime, relatively few people really live. Many go through life already half dead, unfulfilled, heads down, eyes blank, joyless. Imho, just going through the motions is not a way to live. To me life has only one purpose, to extract the maximum amount of joy out of every second. This doesn't mean every day will be a barrel of laughs. Stuff happens. Sometimes really terrible stuff happens. But you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go onward and upwards. It's either that or sinking into a morass of helplessness from which it's hard to escape. It is all up to us. We can be busy living, or busy dying. The Universe doesn't care.

You will die one day. It's the price we pay for being fortunate enough to have lived. What matters is what you do between now and then.

[Sparkle1984]

Thank you for your honesty! Deep down I know what you say is true, I just need to keep challenging the intrusive thoughts and then ignore them. From previous experience, I'm pretty sure the side effects intensify the intrusive thoughts during the first few weeks.

For most of my 40 years so far, I've been happy and fulfilled and I do my best to live life to the full. It is only when I'm going through one of these anxiety episodes every few years that I get these intrusive thoughts about death. When I'm healthy, I hardly ever get those thoughts and when I do, I'm able to dismiss them more easily. When I'm healthy, I feel happy to have been born in the 1980s and I believe that it doesn't matter that I will die one day, so long as I do my best to enjoy my time.

I only took 2 days off sick this time around (last week) as I feel like working helps takes my mind off the anxiety a bit. I also try my best to keep up with my usual hobbies and outings (eg Christmas meals). I went to a Christmas meal on Monday evening at one of my favourite restaurants, but sadly I didn't really enjoy it as the anxiety was so intense and my appetite was fairly low. I guess I just have to keep doing the things I usually enjoy, and be patient until the enjoyment of them gradually comes back. I think I am impatient in some ways - impatient to recover from this episode, and that possibly makes me anxiety symptoms worse.

[Sparkle1984]

Today is Day 20 back on 10mg citalopram and I'm still feeling very low, a sense of hopelessness and a lot of heightened anxiety.


Sadly, today was a bit more stressful than expected. I woke up fairly early anticipating my planned visit to the cinema with my mum, and felt panicky (as I often do in the mornings). When we got to the cinema, even though we were 30 minutes early, we were turned away as all the tickets to Paddington In Peru had already been sold. It's been out for a long time so they probably moved it to the smallest screen. So we had to go to another cinema, but we had to wait 2 hours for the film to start. We had a piece of cake and hot chocolate and I was feeling anxious. Then we walked around some nearby clothes shops to waste some time (I don't like clothes shopping even when I'm mentally well) and i felt heightened anxiety and intrusive thoughts, thinking about how I probably wouldn't be able to cope working in a shop like that when I'm so anxious! When we finally got into the cinema and sat in our seats, the anxiety went down a bit, but during the film I had some intrusive thoughts and flashbacks to a previous anxiety episode in 2007. That episode was really bad (probably the worst of my life, even worse than the more recent ones) and I didn't have any medication or therapy back then.


I made sure to have one of my favourite dinners this evening when I got home (sausage, egg and chips) and I managed to eat it all. I usually have it every Tuesday but last week I had something different as my appetite was lower.


However, even since I've been back home this evening, the anxiety, depression and intrusive thoughts (existential anxiety) are still high. I can't believe it's going to be Christmas Day tomorrow and I'm feeling like this!