My Current Worry

[JHR]

Thought I'd start a thread to get somecfeedback on what others might do.
I think my anxiety covers a number of areas, and I've suffered with anxiety for many years. It definitely manifests mainly as HA, but I know I have OCD tendency, my old counsellor has said she believes I have a mild form of PTSD.
I lurked on here for many years seeking reassurance and at a particularly low time decided to post. I have learnt so much about anxiety in just a few months and quickly realised that reassurance, although comforting at extreme times, is definitely not a cure. I am willing to do anything advised to get this darned stuff more manageable. This leads to my current situation with OH. I have started watching some Clair Weekes stuff on YouTube and although I'm struggling to take a lot of its in I'm persevering. OH on the other hand is obviously under the impression that maybe NMP might just be making the anxiety worse. This leads to quite heated discussions because I'm actually finding NMP more helpful than anything I've tried before like minded techniques are definitely helping but I also feel an anxiety of pushing OH away, problem is he definitely doesn't suffer any form if anxiety so he just thinks it's all in my head and a form of attention seeking. Don't want to alienate him but also want to lead as normal life S I can. Any advice would really be appreciated

[Carnation]

What do you want the advice on JHR?
Whether to pull away from NMP?
Or how to deal with your OH?
You can always take a break from here and see how it goes. That would possibly please your OH.
Then again, NMP isn't just about a cry for help, it's a community of like minded people that keep in contact, make friends, share and offload feelings and emotions. Chat about other things apart from how we feel.
It's not it's if you are posting 24/7 anyway.
But the choice is yours.
In my opinion too many family members have this attitude "get it sorted". It's not as simple as that.
And I have to say that you still lead a reasonably normal life. You go out. You take your family to the hospital. You take care of the home. There are many people that are a prisoners of their home. What does your OH want you to be? The perfect wife? What is a perfect wife? A step ford wife? (Great film by the way). You should make him watch it. Lol.
Seriously, as far as I know, you are doing a great job of looking after your mental health with changes in your life /routine, looking at different ways to help yourself. And putting yourself first for probably the first time in your life.
As I said before, there's no quick fix.

[JHR]

Thanks Carn, not sure where my head is at the moment, I think he's just fed up with me right now. I do try to lead a normal life but I guess all my normals are around older folk with health problems and usually centred around hospitals. I'm not keen on taking a break from NMP cos it's helped more than anything else.
I truly hope Im not being a nuisance on here by moaning all the time and that is probably the only reason I'd take a break. I have watched The Stepford Wives...don't think he wants a Stepford just someone a little more normal. He's actually golden with most stuff but he's finding this current bout a tad overwhelming, guess I'll just pull back from him a bit but that leaves me feeling a bit like a rabbit in hole that has been blocked up.....oh God I'm at the pity party Nedd to kick meself up the butt methinks.....thanks for helping tho

[Carnation]

In no way are you a nuisance or moaning.
You're looking for answers. We've all done that at some point.
There's the 'Why am I like this?' 'How can I get better?' 'Why does nobody understand how I feel?'
If anything, family members need to understand the condition so they can support you and act accordingly.
You could ask O/H if he is willing to read or watch a video to understand more.

[JHR]

In no way are you a nuisance or moaning.
You're looking for answers. We've all done that at some point.
There's the 'Why am I like this?' 'How can I get better?' 'Why does nobody understand how I feel?'
If anything, family members need to understand the condition so they can support you and act accordingly.
You could ask O/H if he is willing to read or watch a video to understand more.

Thank you so much my friend, I hope you know how much help you're giving me right now. I've just had him reading a few of the postings on here and he looked visibly moved. He said that's really helped I had no idea so many folk simply exsist at times rather than live. He did also say that he was sorry he couldn't help more cos he really can't envisage how diabilitating this condition is.....I've had a really good cry and I feel slightly better ...just off to have a bath before I scare this radiographer to death with my ageing boobies ...send me a hug my belly is doing somersaults right now.....on top of everything else white coat syndrome definitely has set in big time

[Carnation]

[Carnation]

People in general also need to know that we are normal on the outside and physically we are generally healthy.
It's the mind we have issues with which can affect our bodies at times but in noway threatening but the brain says different.
We are souls which are generally quite intelligent but been through too much, take on a lot of responsibilities, sometimes surrounded by by a lot of ill health from families or friends. Maybe suffered a trauma ourselves. A shock, an accident that has us thinking about mortality in an unnatural way.
It's very difficult to just stop thinking bad thoughts once you start the roller coaster of doom and gloom. It's a ride you definitely want to get off but it won't stop.

[JHR]

That last post is absolutely spot on my friend.....just explained to OH that I truly don't want to live like this .....it's so weird I actually envy, what I very judgementally call some of my almost brain dead relatives, for living a normal life anxiety free. They look forward to nights out, buying new outfits, and generally getting on with life no matter what it throws at them. A simple trip to a local cafe with a much loved rellie absolutely phased me completely out yesterday but then I found I actually enjoyed it Me I appear to be happy within our own 4 walls, slobbing about in me casuals make-up free but riddled with anxiety. I've just had a bath and got myself ready for this mammogram and I actually look and feel quite normal (1st time this morning) mind you Psychosomatic it probably is but I've now got some breast discomfort ...what am I like well at least its moved from me Belly

[.Poppy.]

As always, Carnation has some great advice.

I wonder if it may be hard for your OH as well, to see you struggle and not be able to fully understand what is wrong or to fix it. I know I struggle with that at times, where you just want to make it all better but you can’t.

I also don’t understand people who can just turn it off or be so oblivious to things. I wish I could just not notice sometimes. When I took my dog to the vet on Monday I was pointing out to the tech different things I wanted them to look at and she praised me for noticing them as most wouldn’t. “It’s a gift and a curse” as Monk would say, I suppose.

Hope all goes well with your appointment today.

[Carnation]

It is a gift and a curse poppy because we notice things other people wouldn't have. We excel in our work and creativity.

I agree with you that our close ones may struggle, not knowing what to do, how to help and most importantly, seeing us suffer, normally for no good reason or should I say something that is in our mind.