But I feel like I could use some advice.
Let me preface this with the fact that I am 42, and male. My issues started innocuously enough. I had just finished a large meal and had a cramping feeling in my lower belly almost immediately. What followed was a massive BM of mostly runny diarrhea. I didn't think anything of it at first. It wasn't until about a week later that I remembered that I had bowel issues in the past, and I recalled this one singular moment from a week earlier that sent me spiraling down. I all of a sudden started to obsess over the amount of days I was going between BM's. I started to feel what I can only describe as 'phantom bloating'. It travels from either side of my belly, in both sides of my belly, or anywhere else inbetween. It culminated around Christmas with me having several panic attacks over the symptoms I was having.
Afterwards, I ended up going back on Lexapro and am slowly getting used to the medication again. The reason for Lexapro is it is the only thing that has really numbed my anxiety in the past. And it is starting to help. I am noticing moments of clarity before going right back to obsessing over this.
Personally, I do think it is anxiety because the symptoms aren't always there. And, I have never had pain at all other than the original trigger back in November. I've been taking Miralax for a couple of weeks now just to keep myself moving down there. I've been scared of being possibly really backed up, having an impaction, an obstruction, or possibly even a tumor in my colon.
I feel better, mostly mentally, when I have a BM. However they seem really tiny most of the time now as I have not been eating that much lately.
I started out at 255 pounds back in November. Right now I am 239. I recently had full blood work done and most things tested weren't too bad. I go back in on the 21st to discuss the blood work with my doctor.
I just wish I could get back to the way I was before, not obsessing over my own digestive system, and catastrophizing every single possible thing that could be wrong with me.
I do apologize if this seems ranty and disorganized, but I just needed to get it off my chest.