Dragon 1, BlueIris 0... for now (Social thread)

[BlueIris]

Long time no post...

So, my father's no more, my mother's in a dementia home and perimenopause is hitting me like a freight train.

The local Crisis team just left. My health anxiety's been getting progressively worse over the past couple of years, and I couldn't take the fear and desperation any longer. I was non-functional.

Did they help?

Kind of. No concrete measures taken, but I'm kind of glad they didn't need to. It was suggested that I possibly investigate changing my meds, which would be a scary but possibly helpful step. My GP wants me to pursue an autism diagnosis, which I'm in full agreement with as it's blindingly obvious to both me and most people who know me.

Still half convinced I have cancer, but it's lovely to stretch out on the sofa watching the breeze ruffle the branches of the trees.

How is everyone? Comment and I promise I'll reply.

[Sparkle1984]

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your father, and that your mum has dementia.

If your health anxiety is getting worse, I think changing meds would be worthwhile. When I switched from citalopram to sertraline, I had hardly any side effects at all, and even though I'm only about a month in to the switch, I think i do feel better overall.

I have an autism diagnosis myself (thankfully I was lucky enough to get mine in childhood) and it has been helpful, so hopefully it will be helpful for you too. It's good to understand why I'm different to others.

[BlueIris]

This is it, yes, I've felt like an alien in a human body.

[Scissel]

I'm sorry for everything you're going through, Iris.

[BlueIris]

Thanks, Scissel. Sending good vibes your way.

[.Poppy.]

I'm sorry, Blue, but it sounds like you did what you needed in the moment. Hopefully their suggestions are a bit helpful. Changing meds can be scary but you're right - it may be the exact move that needs to be taken right now. Same is to be said for looking into an autism diagnosis; I don't know much about autism but it would be good to have answers and it may help when it comes to therapies or coping mechanisms - some may be more effective for you to implement than others.

I hope you are able to get some quality rest this weekend.

[BlueIris]

Panic came back, but it's only at about 50% right now.

In all seriousness, I have a care plan leaflet on the sofa next to me. It's blank. Not even a contact name.

[fishman65]

I'm really sorry to hear you've had such a rough time Blue That's a catalogue of negative factors weighing you down which would send anyone into a tailspin. The loss of your Dad and your Mum in a home, this on top of everything else you're having to struggle through.

I'm glad your GP is pushing for an autism diagnosis, hopefully that will open doors for appropriate treatment in that regard. Though a leaflet with a contact number of some kind would be helpful and a little unprofessional of them to overlook it. Especially over the weekend. One day at a time, you'll get through this.

[BlueIris]

Not coping. Petrified of cancer, finding it hard to eat or sleep, worried I'll lose my job, I want to die.

[Carnation]

Hi BlueIris
I'm sorry to hear of your struggles.
Hun, you know that saying :what goes up, must come down', we'll that applies to your situation now.
We both know there's no quick cure or relief once we are at that height. I've been there several times and it's certainly not pleasant. You feel desperate, lost, suffering, trapped, overwhelmed, all of those and more.
This has been building for some time, I've been witness to to your struggles, but I've also been witness to your achievements and some good times.
You have a wonderful husband, lean on him, open up. Don't keep yourself away from your friends here (which you did do), you know we understand probably more than any white coat pro.
You're going to have to ride this wave, you know that.
You are not about to die, it's a period in your life that is not your future or destiny. You make that.
And if I'm honest, I think there's been a lot of self punishment here, as if you think you deserve it.
You need a good therapist to talk stuff through first. Writing care plans is not where you are right now.
Sending hugs