Hi All, I hope you are well and fighting fit?

1 month and 3 weeks ago this week I walked passed a lady who came out of her working place and almost immediately we clicked by making eye contact and smiling at each other but one of her work colleagues came out as well just seconds later and got talking to her for a few minutes and whilst they were doing that I had to contend with two blonde haired men who kept on staring at me for no reason what-so-ever, well unless they deliberately wanted me to feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed and in some cases they did succeed!; but anyway after the two ladies had chatted for some strange reason the lady who I clicked with, just suddenly walked away from me without even introducing herself?!

I have been wanting to go to her workplace again on the day we had met each week for: 1 month and 3 weeks but fate had other plans for me because I am an unpaid live in carer for my grandma and so I have been looking after her and her home by doing all of the chores that needed to be completed and her car broke down twice and in the end her car needed a new battery fitted!

But during last week I did manage to walk passed the ladies work place again and I heard two of her lady colleagues talking about me saying “that is him who had supposedly ignored our lady colleague even though she fancied him because he ignored her but we would tell him when she would be working next; due to changing her timetable because of now going to college but he would have to talk to us first of course either today, next week or the week after that as that would be our cut off point!!”.

So this week I did manage to walk as far as the outer area of where they work but unfortunately my social anxiety kicked in because: What if those two ladies made me feel twice as uncomfortable and embarrassed just like those two blonde haired men did to me? therefore making me speak in my effeminate voice like I normally do when I am anxious, very faintly, mumble, not make any sense at all and just finding myself completely running away from the situation!!

I then said to myself “I know that you have been single for a while and you do not normally like change do you? although you are the only person who is still single in your family but in hind sight you would like to get married and have at least: 1x child of your own!!, you are scared of confrontation and making a complete idiot of yourself just like a clown would! and you can try to get a ladies attention by flirting with them but when it comes to the next stage you just want to run away from the ladies instead?? what a complete loser you are!!” so if you were me what would you do? I wish that I could be saying this to a physical friend or friends but I have a bad history when it comes to making new friends because they always let me down in some way e.g. by disappearing, insulting me, telling me it is my fault and not theirs and also blaming me when it comes to them breaking the law due to getting caught!

Thank you all for taking the time in reading this and I look forward to your replies.

All the very best,

The_Next_Step