A hand hold please?

[Button1]

I’m not doing that well at the moment. To put it mildly. I’ve had some changeable stools for a while, no blood or anything alarming but it sent me on a spiral as my trigger is bowel cancer. I have been told by my GP that she considers me to have IBS. My stools have actually gone back to fully normal for a good stretch which usually calms me down but it isn’t this time. I’m obsessed with sensations in my stomach- acid, gas, bubbles…I’m totally obsessed with my left hand side. I wake up between 4 and 5 am now in a panic, worrying about whether I need the loo, my husband has no idea what’s going on, I keep waking him up and I can’t talk to him. I’m paying for some therapy whilst I wait on the NHS but I’m barely sleeping and eating can make me panic. Sometimes I’m fine, particularly when distracted. I’ve got no pain when I press on my stomach or lumps or anything. I’m not losing weight. Like I said my stools are mostly normal now. I’ve got no idea what’s going on or why I’m finding this so impossible to live with. I’m mildly anemic which isn’t helping my anxiety I don’t think as it’s obviously a link to cancer. I don’t even really know what I want anyone to say but I’m finding life really really hard and I’m trapped in this body that is constantly terrifying me. Thanks for listening x

[Wuboo]

Wow, I'm almost identical in my anxiety. I find it so hard to cope sometimes, it can be quite overwhelming. I'm doing some CBT at some point soon.

I had a few days of diarrhoea a couple weeks back and then it was fine for a week, had an episode again which then made me hyper anxious and then had a mix of normal movements followed by loose which then made me more anxious.

In April I had a fit test which was good, then in September I had an ultrasound on my stomach and around that area, all ok. I had requested a fit test that time too which was also fine but I'm gonna speak to the doc today about getting another one due to recent changes. My GP had previously stated that he said I had IBS.

Having the BC fear is one of the worst because as soon as you worry you can stop eating and get an anxious stomach which then turns into a loop on anxiety.

[Button1]

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling too. I’ve not had a FIT test, maybe I should but I can’t face even driving past the doctors at the moment let alone going in. It’s crazy. Feeling very stuck and it’s Christmas which makes everything feel worse. It’s the waking up in a panic at crazy early hours which is currently hurting me the most.

[Button1]

I’ve not had diorreah really just softer stools but also plenty of normal ones too.

[NoraB]

I’m not doing that well at the moment. To put it mildly. I’ve had some changeable stools for a while, no blood or anything alarming but it sent me on a spiral as my trigger is bowel cancer. I have been told by my GP that she considers me to have IBS. My stools have actually gone back to fully normal for a good stretch which usually calms me down but it isn’t this time. I’m obsessed with sensations in my stomach- acid, gas, bubbles…I’m totally obsessed with my left hand side.

These bubbles, rumbles and gurgling's are perfectly normal.

I wake up between 4 and 5 am now in a panic, worrying about whether I need the loo

This is a brain thing, as in, if you wake up one morning and look at the clock and it's 4am, the brain remembers and will wake you up the next morning around that time.

If you wake up, do not look at a clock.

If you wake up in a state of anxiety, breathe.

Fight or flight means that the body will try and purge, so needing a wee, poo or even vomiting in the early hours is not uncommon in anxious people. (At my worst with HA, I was on the loo in the early hours for months)

Yes, anaemia can be a symptom of cancer, but it is part of a much bigger story with other symptoms (that you do not have)

Your body isn't terrifying you Button; it's your mind that's doing that. Your own thoughts. Your body is doing an amazing job for you. (Even with the fight or flight, it's protecting you)

Anxiety and gut issues go hand in hand. Your stools will be changeable. (and that in itself is a sign that it's IBS because cancer doesn't take time off)

[Button1]

Thanks Nora, that’s helpful this morning! I’m trying really hard and I know realistically that I’ve often been anemic (just looking back on my posts here I’ve had 4 blood tests that have resulted in me needing iron so it’s not a sudden change) and I’ve often had a gp tell me I’ve got IBS. And i logically know (I think?!) I wouldn’t have had a few days of normal bathroom visits and no symptoms over the weekend if there was something progressively wrong. Ugh. It’s hard when you’ve not got anyone around who understands so this board is still a lifesaver x

[Mrschurchill]

Just wanted to jump in here as currently going through a horrible IBS flare up at moment.

Bowel cancer was a huge fear of mine a few years ago. I was unbelievably ill at the end of 2022 with a horrific chest infection where I ended up in hospital and on steroids and had 3 courses of antibiotics over 5 weeks. 4 weeks after feeling better I started to have the most horrific stomach cramps (where I was doubled over), loose stools, nausea then eventually because of no solid BM for 2 weeks I was passing blood.
Did a stool sample at the GP and my calproctectin levels were over 1300… normal is under 50! So highly suggestive of IBD (Crohns or UC) but apparently ‘too high’ to suggest cancer?
I’m very lucky to get private health care through my employer here in the UK so I was fastracked and had a colonoscopy, MRI and capsule endoscopy over the next few weeks.
During all this time I was confined it was bowel cancer. I was waking up through the night to use the bathroom as as soon as my eyes opened my anxiety went through the roof and I needed to rush to the toilet!

Basically - doctor advised absolutely nothing showed on any of the tests, my markers must have been so high due to all the erosion the antibiotics did when I was unwell and no further action was required.

LITERALLY the next day I had my first normal BM in months by this point.

My point is that your mind is so unbelievablely powerful, and even though you are experiencing very real symptoms, your HA will only make it a million times worse and prolong it for you!

I do however fully advocate for a full doctor check up if you’re worried - trust me it’ll make it a quicker recovery in the long run!

sending love x

[Button1]

I have to say most if not all of the symptoms I was worried about have gone. I’m not sure how to go from here or whether to poke the bear with more doctors appointments (I haven’t found a particularly sympathetic one). I feel like I’ve been through the absolute mill (of my own making I know) and I’m exhausted as I’ve told no one how I’m feeling. But physically really there’s not much wrong.

[NoraB]

You just need to work on challenging your thinking, Button.

Good to hear you're feeling better.