Hello everyone, I used to come to this forum a lot as for a long time I’ve dealt with health anxiety. I got pregnant 2 years ago, shockingly it turned the tide on my anxiety, I stopped googling/ worrying/ it was the most calm/ stress free time of my life, raising our baby for the last year has been Incredible and I finally was “free” from the ties of panic that bound me.
My husband has been dealing with weird skin stuff for a few years, then it moved to stomach pain which led to the discovery of an ulcer.,, and alsoÂ… a rare form of lymphoma ( typically men in their 60Â’s get it) my husband is 35 and super healthy.. I donÂ’t day any of this to create panic, but I need to give the story.
For the last 45 days life has been a living hell..
Not knowing exactly what he had, what it meant, waiting on tests, at the same hospital our baby was born.. sitting in the same hallway I was wheeled down with her just a year ago to now a year later waiting for his bone marrow biopsy to be done.. itÂ’s just wild. IÂ’m the time since IÂ’ve list 8 lbs- stopped working out, just wanted to sleep all the time to get out of the nightmare that seems to be lifeÂ… the thoughts that have run through my head are never something youÂ’d think you have to think of as a 35 year old, let alone at Christmas was just brutal.
IÂ’ve had a lot of guiltÂ…. If only IÂ’d googled, researchedÂ… maybe I would have found something.. finally when I stopped stressing and look at what happened.. I know itÂ’s not true- but your brain gets going.
Anyway for the last few weeks IÂ’ve had crazy symptomsÂ… feeling full easily, crazy acid reflux, weakness in my calves/ legs, skin sensitivity, prickly feelings in my arms when I squeeze them.. just insane.. IÂ’m starting to feel better and eat again, but now ( selfishly) I canÂ’t help but wonder.. what if something is wrong with me)? I really donÂ’t want to go down that route.. I felt so free and it was amazingÂ…
Now I feel like IÂ’m circling the drain and trying not to get sucked in.
*on a positive note- my husbands cancer is the type where people go into remission for decades.. especially younger ones and ones like him ( found out his pet scan doesnÂ’t show a ton of disease) besides his ulcer he has no symptoms.. this is going to be a lifelong journey and itÂ’s hard because much of the data is based of 60 year old men.. so if they get 30
Years thatÂ’s average life expectancy.. for us.. we need longer - but IÂ’ve also talked to others that got it in their 30s and are here 30 years later doing great.. the decisions we have to make soon are going to be hardÂ… so trying to keep stress under control.. but itÂ’s hard.
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