Health anxiety has stolen my future

[Dave_Mac]

Hey guys, been a while since I last posted.

Since around 2016 I have suffered from absolutely debilitating bouts of health anxiety, I won't break it down in a massive essay here but every year there has been a period within that year where my life is on hold because of some health worry or another.

The common thread is that whatever ails me and however many times I go to A&E or the doctors and get tests or scans, the sheer terror and all-encompassing fear completely grip my whole reality, I go to work but constantly fixate on whatever my problem is. It's gone from me convinced I had throat cancer to AIDs, bowel cancer, pancreatic cancer, liver failure a heart attack and now I have a fully ache in my perineum which I am convinced is a sinister symptom of something.

My symptom becomes my whole world, I fixate on it when at work, I come home and avoid my family and just lie in bed thinking about it, prodding or poking or just staring at the wall for several hours, I barely sleep and never want to eat or see anyone, every conversation I have with workmates or family is breaking my heart because I am performing whilst being absolutely paralysed with fear constantly.

I don't really know why I'm writing this, I was maybe thinking it would help to openly admit to strangers how helpless, pathetic and scared I feel. It's a feeling that I'll never feel normal again, these episodes rarely last weeks. The worst one I had lasted 4 months, and I'm about 3 weeks into this bout of terror and I just don't think I can cope with feeling this way for several months, I feel so ill all the time, weak and aching, my vision feels different nothing feels truly real and all I want to do is isolate myself and sleep, but I just can't sleep at all.

I am not a social person and I love my own company usually, I can't distract myself the way most people can as I have never been a people, friends or activity person.

Anyway I just wanted to vent a little and I do appreciate this forum, reading other people's stories has been a constant source of hope for me.

Have a good night everyone.

[nomorepanic]

What help have you had for your HA?

Have you tried the workbooks we recommend on here?

[Dave_Mac]

I most certainly have and they certainly help, but I always end up reset and back to terror. I have had several rounds of CBT, sertraline, citalopram and paroxetine. Nothing ever seems to stick.

[nomorepanic]

It is hard work but you have to keep working at it and plodding on.

You will in time find something that helps.

[Button1]

I had my very worst bout of HA in 2011/12. Then a brief bout again in 2015. I’ve had another bad bout towards the end of 2025 and I think I’m coming to the end of it now (fingers crossed!) there have been little blips in between but with the help of friends and this board I manage to navigate it and use the tools I picked up in various therapy sessions along the way. I don’t think I’ll ever consider myself ‘cured’ of HA. I expect that it might come back but it’s so important not to dwell on that or wait anxiously for its return. You’ve got to live and enjoy the stretches of life where your anxiety isn’t trying to take over, you remind yourself constantly that normality is possible and it will always come back. It’s horrible of course it is, I think of it a bit like having migraines or asthma or some other condition that other people deal with all the time. It’s part of me but I don’t let it rule. Don’t get me wrong, I HATE it. It’s horrendous to feel trapped in your own body and unable to escape the things that scare you but I find eventually it does pass and every time it strikes I find something else that helps me cope. I’m not trying to diminish it at all, but don’t wallow if you can help it, otherwise the darkness just bleeds into everything. Good times come back and in the meantime there are so many avenues to get help. We’re always here x

[Mrschurchill]

I feel like you’ve just described my life. My husband thinks I’m depressed because I literally feel no joy in anything at the moment. It’s just a constant cycle of work, home and repeat. I’m 38 next month, I’ve had this since I was 16/17. I can go weeks or months of feeling amazing then something will trigger and I’m back to crippling anxiety.
I have tried CBT online courses, in person therapy, EMDR therapy… maybe the next stage is a lobotomy (I kid).
know that you’re not alone, this is agonisingly hard to navigate. Always here for a chat!