Anxiety came back big time!

[Alan27]

So, long story short, I've struggled with anxiety most of my life (I'm 38 now). I managed to get a good grip on it, was employed and working all the time, was at university — all the things that make life good. Anxiety was still there, but it never caused me any issues as I felt like I had a handle on it. If it showed its head, it would pass quickly, and panic attacks became very rare for me.


Fast forward a decade, and I had an issue with my lung. It would randomly collapse, and I ended up in A&E in resus with a needle inserted into my chest and a drain put in my side. My lung at that point was 100% collapsed, putting pressure on my heart. During this time in hospital, I had the drain removed three times to check if my lung would stay inflated, but it didn't (I was also isolating in the hospital after catching Covid in the ward).
I was transferred to the Golden Jubilee Hospital in Clydebank for surgery to "glue" my lung to the chest wall to stop it collapsing. All went well for about a year, but then it started happening again — not to the same extent as before, but still requiring a chest drain and another operation. During this second stay at the Golden Jubilee, I caught a sickness bug, and on the day of my operation, I was throwing up, so it couldn’t go ahead. It was rescheduled for a few days later, and everything was a success. Since then, I’ve had no serious issues (though I still experience pain, as I have 14+ scars on my left side).


Since then, however, I've been suffering from terrible anxiety. I've been unable to work, and even going to the local shop, which is only a five-minute walk away, gives me a panic attack. Things are slightly better than they were, as I was constantly afraid of being sick — so much so that I would give myself terrible nausea, which would then trigger a panic attack. Right now, I have zero income and gave up my final year of university, which I’ve now tried three times (twice I had to drop out due to surgery, etc.). This year, I couldn't make it to classes, as I went to the open day and had the worst panic attacks I've had in years!


My GP is great, don’t get me wrong, and referred me to a local mental health charity. They run a six-week programme, which was something, but unfortunately, it required me to go to a local library to meet with them, which I managed only once. I’ve now been having terrible palpitations and am almost constantly on edge. Anxiety is running my life and preventing me from doing even the most basic things. I do take propranolol (10mg) and citalopram (20mg), but they don’t seem to help much, as I am unable to get control of this constant racing heartbeat, which I can feel all the time.
Any help or advice would be appreciated.
Thanks.

[Button1]

This sounds awful. I’m so sorry. Firstly cut yourself some slack. You’ve genuinely had a traumatic time and it’s little wonder that you are now suffering from exacerbated anxiety as a result so don’t be at all hard on yourself. Secondly I wonder if there’s a way of accessing some remote therapy? Something you can do online or over the phone? If you can’t pay for this the NHS must have a way of providing services to those who are housebound, it’s worth looking into that. It also sounds like maybe your medication isn’t doing the job you need it to. Could you speak to your GP again about this? I do believe (as this is the case for me) that having things that force you outside of your own mind is a very healthy thing and I wonder if there’s any part of your study that you can do online when you feel you can focus? You aren’t alone and I know you’ve had some help so far but it sounds like you could do with more- do the afraid to push for that, you deserve to live and there will be a way for you to do that again. Let us know how you get on!