Um..can't think of a title

[belle]

I'd like advice please.

I've posted messages before on my relationship problems (the abuse etc), but yet i remain with this man, the man who makes me feel like sh*t.

Thing is, i CAN see his point. I would be frustrated and angry living with an anxious, agoraphobic, with health anxiety and panic attacks. I'm enough to p**s a saint off! My husband wants me to be normal, but how can i be normal when i am in the middle of a health crisis which is making my agoraphobia worse by the day? I can't just flick a switch and make me all better. He must get tired of my moaning about this pain and that pain. I wake everyday with a pain somewhere!!!

The question:-

Should i just let him be and split up with him? I LOVE this man, goodness knows why at times, am i just staying with him because the thought of being alone bothers me. I mean, at the moment at least i have someone there for a cuddle (sometimes). I have no friends only my mother and there is only so much your mother can do for you. If he left then i'd be completely alone, with no one to talk to.

Christmas is in a couple of weeks and i feel about as festive as a turkey! I'm not interested in anything...i would LOVE to be happy with him, but i know he resents everything about me :(

So sad.

x

[mirry]

bluebell hun , heres some hugs .

I think if you love him then its worth working at , dont you ?
I take it he does love you , otherwise why is he still around ?

Maybe you need a councillor to talk to weekly , to tell them everything about how you are feeling , then you may not feel the need to tell your partner about every single ache and pain ( by the way im just the same).

Maybe we should start our own MOANING FORUM , where we can unload everthing thats bothering us daily , I would keep it going strong ,lol.

[belle]

LOL...Moaning forum? I'd post for Britian

Does he love me?
No. At the moment he's go no where else to go, apart from his mothers and i know that is a place that he really wouldn't want to go.

[jill]

Hi Bluebell, big ((((( HUGS ))))) to you hun, (my smilies are not working)

**Thing is, i CAN see his point. I would be frustrated and angry living with an anxious, agoraphobic, with health anxiety and panic attacks**

Ohhh I read this and my heart sank, hun, what you have is an emotional illness, one which NEEDS, comfort, someone to listion, not judge, someone allthough they may not understand but would give you support.

I know you love this man, BUT, as YOU have said, he does not love you.

I myself when I was acute, had to sort many things out, not just the panic, anxiety, but other things too, my relationship was one of them, there was one point in my life when my hubby said he did not know if he wanted to be with me anymore, ohhh boy, this hurt sooo much, like you, I love my hubby, BUT, had to change my way of thinking. You can love someone but if they don't love you back, then they find it hard to care, they find it hard to want to listen to want to understand anything you are going through.

Only YOU know if you should split up or not, this one only YOU can answer, there are sooo many questions I asked myself and my hubby before trying to fight to keep him.

There is a saying, a relastionship is like a broken glass,, trying to put it back together you may get cut, sooo is it worth fixing, is it worth the tears, the hurt, only you know the answers to that.

Have you asked him outright the question, do you love me, should we stay together? have you asked him why he thinks things have gone wrong with your relationship, there are soo many questions, that need to be asked.

You ask **am I just staying with him because the thought of being on my own bother me** ohhh hun, only you know the answers to this one, YOU MUST be honest with yourself because if the answers is yes, then this is not good, is it, its not working, you may feel better in one way, but not in others, its not good staying with someone who does not love or care for you, YOU will suffer in the long run.

Please hun, I feel that this problem needs to be addressed, like mine did, I had to try dome hard to look positive in both ways, if he left, I had positive plan for mine and my kids future, or if he stayed, mmm, wanted at the time to punch his lights out, LOL but if he stayed, how on earth we where going to sort it out.

He is still here today, we are still sorting things out, BUT, what I will say is, WE BOTH had to want it, WE BOTH had to want to work at things together, HE had to learn how to listen, to try and understand a little, (oh will not go into that to much, don't want to bore you)

Can you talk to him, does he listen, is he willing to try and sort things out or does he just want out but has no where to go?

I am sorry I have not answered your question, I feel that I don't have that right, but what I feel is, this alone is stressing you out, he maybe there, BUT IS HE, if you know what I mean.

The hardest thing for me to addmit was, my relastionship WAS, one of many problems that brought me to panic, high anxiety. Even harder was at one point, as I said, I do love my hubby, but I told him to go.

My heart goes out to you hun on this, I feel your hurt and pain, I am putting my arms around you and giving you a big hug (smilies not working)

you take care, I do hope things work out how you want.

LOVE JILLXX

[darkangel]

Hi hun

The answer to this lies within you. Only you can decide what to do and each one of us are unique. Ive answered some of your threads on this before and you have to ask yourself how long will you continue to let it go on for. Maybe a first step would be to try going for counselling to try and work out why you are staying in the situation, they will not give you answers but help you to find answers within yourself. What about having a chat with Womens Aid, they can put you in the right direction and offer fantastic support.

Im sending you huge hugs cos I can feel your pain, Ive been there and had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life.............but I made it and stuck by it and have NEVER looked back. I wasnt in the position where he would go so I had no choice but to leave the family home and go to homeless accomodation, but 2 yrs down the line Im in a lovely flat with a new partner and yes the hurt and pain of splitting up our family is there but I deserved to be free, safe and happy.

PS Hun, I still wake each day with some ache or pain, thats part of having anxiety but you know what, its ok for us to moan

Hugs

Darkangel x

[Lilith1980]

I think this is something I am going to have to address with my counsellor too.

I am pretty sure my fiance loves me, but I do wonder sometimes whether he is making my anxiety worse. He doesnt really understand the illness (which is fair enough) but doesnt show that much empathy towards me either. He gets frustrated at me alot so I tend not to talk to him much as I worry about his reaction. Bottling these things up does little to help though.

I agree with the others - the answer will be within you. But you need to be honest with how you feel and dig deep. Hope you find the answers you're looking for hun xxxx

[Granny Primark]

First let me send you loads of hugs.
I just think that when you marry (or when I married) you think carefully about the vows you have taken. In particular the the one where it says "for better for worse, in sickness and in health"
However sometimes cus of an illness like panic, anxiety and other mental illness its difficult for our partners to understand. Its difficult enough for us to understand.
Try getting him to look at this website. Give him information about your illness.
If the only reason your not getting on is cus of your health anxiety perhaps its time he took a step and tried to help you more so you can on go on to lead a more "normal" life.
With regard to what you said about if he left youd have no one to talk to. Well I know that you can only have one mother but you can have half a dozen partners.
Im sure your mum would be there for you.
Im sure your hubby doesnt resent you. I think its just your illness he resents.


Loads of love
LYNN xx