Reassurance and help needed

[sparkle1986]

Hi, I'm not sure who to talk to about this and to be honest actually can't speak out loud about it.

Last year I lived in a house with 3 other girls, and 1 of them (let's call her Jane) developed a mental illness and started self-harming. She then took an overdose while I was in the house alone with her, and I had to deal with it and take her to hospital, and another of my housemates eventually joined us (I'm quite a sensitive person so this kind of thing threw me to the point where I went completely numb, until the next day when I spent the entire day in tears and shaking). In the days that followed, Jane did not say a word to either of us that had helped her, did not thank us at all. A few days later, in fact, she waited til she was in the house alone with each of us and tried to threaten us, saying if we had told anyone about the OD she would kill us.

In the months that followed, things spiralled. She behaved agressively toward both of us, leaving notes under our doors, distressing poems about wanting to die, etc. One night she even pretended to be drunk having not drunk anything, "collapsed" against the other girl's door and told both of us we didn't care about anyone else (if you knew me, you'd know this is the exact opposite of the truth).

The long and short of it is that for the entire year she continued to terrorise me and this other girl, psychologically, and as far as I'm concerned, completely deliberately. The thing is though, the other girl we lived with didn't believe us when we told her about it, so we were trapped. We tried going to a counsellor but it didn't help.

Anyway, I moved out of that house in June but my problem is I think I'm having anxiety attacks because of it still. If I ever see Jane, even from a distance, I will shake uncontrollably, feel incredibly sick and spontaneously start crying and be unable to stop. My heart goes so fast I can't breathe, it's horrible. I'm not even sure why this is happening but I need it to stop. Even just thinking about her brings it on - this morning I actually vomited because I read she's got job interviews, to work as a nurse.

I guess it annoys me the most that she's "got away with it" and I'm left a wreck. I'm happy enough normally but just the thought of her, or a glimpse of her or even seeing photos or thinking about last year I can't control what happens.

I need to get over this and I don't know how :(

Does anyone have any advice?

I can't go and see anyone as I can't speak about this without breaking down.

[honeybee]

you say you cant talk to anyone about this because all you do is break down but maybe that's the exact journey you need to take. i'm not a doctor but it sounds to me like you are experiancing post traumatic stress. the fact you have an anxiety attack when you see her is a clear indicator of the trauma you went through in her presence. and your body is constantly being reminded of that. i believe anxiety can be caused by pushing down emotions that we aren't capable of or ready to deal with. i think the best thing you could do is talk to someone and try to make sense of how it truely affected you - it may seem obvious because of the symptoms you are experiancing but i think you need to make more sense of it all. it sounds like you went through a really tough time. maybe you will just breakdown for the first couple of sessions but maybe you need to be able to do that in a controlled and safe enviroment in order to get over it - afterall thats what therapists are for. wishing ya lotsa love

[Pink Panic]

Hi there,

I agree with Honeybee that you need to open up to a Therapist about this as from reading your post you are clearly traumatised by what happened even now.

On another point, you said that you heard she had interviews as a Nurse, this would explain her behaviour towards you by threatening to kill you if you told as then her position would be questioned. From what you have said she obviously has real issues going on and if they are not dealt with then then she could end up on a ward and that's scarey. Nurses are supposed to be caring individuals and this person certainly doesn't sound like one.
I really do feel that you need to bring this out in the open not just for your sake but also for the sake of others she may come into contact with in the course of her work. I think that once you are able to share the burden of how you are feeling this might make things feel easier for you...... a problem shared and all that!

Take good care of yourself

Love & Hugs
Pink
x

[sparkle1986]

Hey, thanks for your replies. Yes, she is a qualified children's nurse now, she was studying towards a nursing degree last year and qualified this september. The univeristy was informed of everything and she had to see occupational therapy about it but they still let her qualify. All we can assume is that she lied to them. Doesn't give you much hope for the medical system does it?

The thought of her being allowed to come into contact with sick children makes me feel ill.

[Bill]

There's no excuse for Janes behaviour towards you but maybe her "mental illness" was because she felt under too much stress and it was also the stress that created her threatening acts as she was afraid of failing her degree and not getting the job. Maybe now that she's through all of it, she'll be a different person now.

Anyway, she hasn't really got away with anything because if it re-surfaces she'll get found out eventually. Also it only feels thats she's got away with it because you naturally feel a victim of her behaviour.

That may come across as sounding harsh but it isn't meant to because in a way I can relate to what you've been through. My wife suffers severe mental illness and for years I felt a victim of her illness. It was me who turned to self-harming and od's because I couldn't take the stress. I also suffered panic attacks too.

Whatever happens to Jane will happen and the important matter is getting yourself well again. Yes, you have been trauma which has badly affected you and until it is treated, you'll always most probably feel ill.

You must talk to your doctor and ask them if there is a counsellor you can see. Every counsellor is always well prepared with plenty of tissues!!! Tears are all part of the therapy. They're well used to it. Only once you resolve these issues that Jane has created will you be able to come to terms and move on with living your life again But I Know you'll get better with the right support!

I have every sympathy with what you've been through and no one should be treated as you have whatever their reasons.