Living with SA

[KW]

I've had SA since I was a child. I just wondered if there is anyone else that can share their experience of living with this and how they've coped?

I've been reading up quite a bit on this lately and have discovered there is medication that can help. Does anyone know of this? I read people with SA lack a chemical in the brain?

I've found things have got worse for me as I've got older, but I am still determined to keep going in life! I dread every day I have to face. The interaction with people at work, I hate making eye contact, hate any focus on me, if someone asks me a question or alot of people look at me I have that surge of fear rip through my chest, I tremble, blush, my heart races, can't breath etc...

CBT has helped but only so much and I wonder if SA is something that needs full attention.

I've been to my doctor about this and she prescribed Beta Blockers to help me to relax..but I still go through complete hell with this fear. To be honest I don't think doctors take social phobia/anxiety seriously. When I mentioned therapy my doctor said i need to face my fear and then i would overcome it. Well I face my fear every Tuesday morning with attending the meetings and having to talk..i've been doing that for nearly 2 years now but I still go through hell and if anything i'm worse now than i was 2 years ago so i believe it might work for some people but it's more difficult for people like me with SA.



KW

[KW]

Thanks Andrew,

The winter months are always the worst aren't they. My doctor recommended CBT, which I had privately. My counsellor said after 4 sessions I no longer needed it as I wasn't running away from my fears but facing them. She was right..but I still have to go through hell every time I attend a meeting/course etc.

My doctor said I needed to face my fears - which I do but I remain with the same fear and have to go through the same hellish anxiety every time, so that's what I meant by suggesting SA possibly needs more attention than just facing the fear, but what I don't know..

Have you ever considered hypnosis? Have been considering going to it.

I really don't want to rely on medication but I have read that SSRI's can help SA.

Bascially my SA is down to my childhood. Having a father that moaned constantly at everything I did and my poor mum had nervous breakdowns one after the other for about 10 years until she was diagnosed with manic depression. She was always in and out of hospital so as a young girl (this was happening from when I was born til about the age of 10) I didn't have my mum around, which obivously wasn't her fault but then my Dad didn't exactly help things. He never put any confidence in to me, never said 'well done' or asked about what I did at school, he just picked on me... Mum was ill alot of the time after her breakdowns so was very quiet and I guess all this affected me. At 13 my parents divorced and my dad won custody of me and my brother, as the judge looked at my mum as being 'unstable' due to the manic depression. So we went to live with my Dad and his new girlfriend and she constantly picked on us . My Dad never stuck up for us..it's a long story but we went through emotional abuse for 4 years and only got to see mum on a saturday (10am-6pm) It was cruel, we yearned to be with mum but the law said we couldn't be and dad didn't even care about us.

I don't feel sorry for myself but I've put the pieces of my life together and can now undertand how it's affected me. My brother luckily didn't develop SA, he gets a little depressed now and then but on the whole is ok.

Sorry to have gone on so much..

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

[Karen]

Hi KW

I've had a fair few of the same experiences as you and have also found that my social phobia has become worse as I've got older. However, I think this is at least partly due to increasingly avoiding social situations and other situations where I know I would have to speak. The first therapist I saw said that I had become too clever in finding ways of avoiding verbal communication, so that I can get by and cope with most situations that crop up with avoiding having to speak. I know now of course, that this avoidance has just made the whole thing worse and is one reason why I am now so isolated.

You did really well with the CBT and you are still managing to work and to attend the meetings and I think it shows a lot of strength that you can do this. I understand the anxiety, fear and dread that you experience every time though.

I also have a controlling father and he has criticised and put me down since I was a young child. My mum has been emotionally distant and has now cut me off completely. I was desperate for my mum's love when I was growing up and still haven't come to terms with the fact that she has rejected me. I was always a shy child anyway, but I do think these things have an impact and have at least partly contributed to the situation I now find myself in.

I'm currently seeing a hypnotherapist, although we are concentrating on working through other issues at the moment. I think it is worth giving hypnotherapy a try.





Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[andrew]

hi kw

obviously not an easy up-bringing for you, be pleased and proud that you've put so many of the pieces back together.

i've not tried a hypnotherapist, i certainly have considered it and would think it was much more suitable than SSRI's.

like yourself, i was quite good at pushing myself through an anxiety attack to achieve a goal and facing my fears. but i didn't really start to feel better until i came to terms with myself. we do need to learn how to encourage ourselves, accept ourselves as good enough and even comfort ourselves. its quite easy to continue that childhood put down in our present attitudes and just never take a break. anyways, something to think about and do go on, have a good look at yourself.

and karen, good luck with the hypno, keep up the fight, both take care ... andrew

[KW]

Hi all

Here we go again..having to face my fear. Got a meeting in half an hour and i just know we're going to have to introduce ourselves. My boss, the director and 2 other colleagues will be in the meeting. But..! I've done it before so i know i can get through this. Just dread the same old thing..'will hate everyone looking at me, i'm going to sound stupid, they are all more important than me, i might not get my words out right or i might stutter' It's so silly, why do i dread having to speak so much?! and i don't know where to look when everyone looks at me. Anyway i've taken a beta blocker and now sipping rescue remedy in water!!

Keep telling myself in 2 hours it will all be over and done with.

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

[Meg]

KW , Just look at what you've written about your inner dialogue - never mind what you're thinking ..You are sabotaging your improvement

A cursury - you've done it before and then a total barrage of negatives and worries - if you were your innards which would you believe ???

You need to really 'big up' your sucesses and capabilities and learn to talk to yourself with the same sort of dialogue you'd use if you were helping your struggling best friend/sister/ daugter through this same situation.

An exercise for you- what would you be saying to them that you're not saying to yourself ?? >> answers on a post please .


Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[Karen]

Hi KW

I hope the meeting went ok for you. I just really hate that having to introduce yourself scenario. I would be having exactly the same thoughts as you were having, the only difference being that you have done it before. I think you show a lot of courage; I would find my words wouldn't come out and I wouldn't speak.

I don't know how it is possible to get over the fear of speaking either. It has held me back all my life and I can't imagine a time when I will ever feel comfortable with verbal communication.

Hope you're feeling better.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[nomorepanic]

KW

I bet it went just fine didn't it?

We really have to work hard at the "oh no not again" scenarios.

I am guilty of it too cos everytime I have to go to Wales I think "oh great got to cross that bridge again and I know I won't like it"

Last time I went with a better attitude of "I am going to do this and I am going to beat it". It was a case of "come on then bridge".

It takes time and practice but negative talks leads to negative feelings I know that all too well.

Nicola

[KW]

Hi all

Well it went well. I managed to look up and got my words out ok. I feel a failure at times though that I have to rely on beta blockers to slow my breathing and heart rate down but then I guess we all need a bit of assistance at times. It's better than struggling through the panic and then beating myself up about it after the event. I suppose the beta blockers just give me a helping hand and make things easier for me.

Meg I told myself I could do this and asked myself to stop worrying about what others thought of me. When we introduced ourselves they went around the room so quickly I didn't have time to get all shy and anxious! Before the event I dread it and visualise when it comes to me to speak everything will stop, I'll freeze and the focus will be on me..but it never happens. When I sat in the room I thought well I'm here now - I'm not going to walk out so will face this and get through it. After we'd done the introductions I felt relieved and got on with taking the minutes. At times some people asked if certain things could be in the minutes and my boss mentioned me a couple of times and i felt everyone looking and didn't like it. I thought if anyone asks me a question or to explain something i'd go blank. So I've kind of got through the introduction stage so going to build my confidence up for future meetings and think about if i had to explain something so i'll be prepared in case it ever happens.

Like my Mum always says 'everything will be alright, you'll get through it, people won't dislike you, they won't even notice you're feeling nervous'

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

[FAN]

hi, it doesnt matter how you got through it just that you did, well done for that

fan x