Living with SA

[Meg]

**I dread it and visualise when it comes to me to speak everything will stop, I'll freeze and the focus will be on me..but it never happens.**

Predictive anxiety is your issue, more than the actual doing it.

You need to start recreating and anchoring a new set of visualizations. A good NLP session may be able to help with this.

Well done for doing it again and suceeding - again !


Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[KW]

Thanks Fan - my problem is I analyse things even after the event - 'how did i sound?, what did they think of me' etc... but i am learning not to think so much about these things. I try and distract myself nowadays with alternative thoughts.

Meg - what is NLP? It's only in the last 2 years I've managed to get through these situations - probably because certain aspects of my job makes me face my fear so I feel there's no choice.

If I didn't take the Beta Blockers I'd be in a right state. But I guess I'm teaching myself new ways to cope in other situations. When I feel the beta blocker wearing off I remain relaxed for the rest of the day. If I start to tense up I realise I am doing that to myself.

But you're right I am predicting and think about things so much that I convince myself I'll be very nervous and don't even consider being anything else. It's just so difficult trying to break my thinking habits when I've been thinking these since a child. It's torture going through this, every week, every month, attending meetings etc and get myself into such a state and wonder why I put myself through it but deep down I know it's doing me good and will make me more confident. Feel very guilty and selfish that I think about myself so much!

Thanks for your replies.

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

[nomorepanic]

KW

NLP is detailed on my website at www.nomorepanic.co.uk/therapy.htm

Nicola

[KW]

Hi all

I feel so silly. I took my car for MOT this morning and I suppose it's do with my SA but I get so nervous doing these things. I knew it was going to fail and dropping it off at the garage was fine but when I went to collect it I knew I'd have to discuss things with the mechanic and so i got all uptight about it. It didn't help that when I walked into his office he said I looked nervous. I just laughed and said 'yeah tell me what the damage is then' referring to my MOT and then when I was paying I knew that my hands were shaking and I thought oh no he's going to notice and if he had commented on it again I would have just gone to pieces. Only just held things together, kind of got my breathing under control but I just felt so stupid. Wish i didn't think about things so much! As it happens it only failed on a couple of things which is quite good and i'll be taking it back this week for repairs.


Why do I feel such a failure over such a tiny thing?


KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

[FAN]

hi.......dont put too much thought into the way you were feeling its the fact that you got out there and did it that counts your one step further forward........i used to go to the shops a total wreck and god knows what the woman thought of me i was out there doing it....


someone once posted on here.........."do it trembling if you must...but do it!" think of that it works

fan x

[nomorepanic]

KW

You are not a failure. If you had failed then you would have sent someone else to go and get the car and you wouldn't have done it yourself.

You did well, you coped and you got through it fine.

So a pat on the back is deserved and don't beat yourself up over it ok? Some people wouldn't even have considered going.

I bet he never even noticed you were anxious.

Anyway, us women are nervous at garages cos we think that they are going to rip us off cos we are girls and don't understand cars!!! LOL.

Chin up you did well.

Nicola

[Karen]

Hi KW

You didn't fail at all. You went to collect the car in spite of the way you were feeling and you spoke to the mechanic. You felt anxious but you did it anyway. I think that is a success.

I know if it were me, I would have had to take someone with me or send someone to collect the car for me.

Don't give yourself a hard time about this. Give yourself the pat on the back you deserve.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[andrew]

hiya kw,
your social anxiety thoughts and patterns shape your feelings, your strenght and courage shape your actions - it can only be a matter of time before you find a healthy balance.
and in general its not a crime to be anxious or to let somebody see you as such, if anything he most probably tucked you up for £20 less because of it lol, tc .. andrew

[Princess]

Hi

I've had similar experiences with social anxiety and again I think I've actually had issues since I went to secondary school at 11. My anxiety has also got worse with age but I feel that this is mostly because when you're younger you can get away with blushing and being nervous as people expect that more and are more accepting. I feel stupid because I'm 30 and still experience these things. That's what I find embarrassing and that's why I think it feels worse as I get older.

I was in a job that required lots of meetings like these and I also headed up a team. In the end I left that role through being signed off with depression. Since I left though I feel that I've got better and better. I now do a job that I chose specifically because it requires none of these 'encounters' I find stressful. I had so many of them in my last job my stress levels rose and rose and it affected more and more different 'encounters' because my negativity spread to other areas. Once I had reduced the main ones I found stressful I have found myself responding better to other situations and then have gone from strength to strength because I can see my successes.

I'm not suggesting that complete avoidance is a good thing, as I feel that we do need to be able to 'feel the fear, and do it anyway' just to function. But for me a had so many negative experiences from that job that it made me worse.

I think sometimes it's worth persevering with a particular social situation that causes anxiety and there are others like spending time with friends that I try and overcome my fears. Even though sometimes I feel daft coming across as nervous or embarrassed.

Good luck Princess XX


Princess XX

[Jac]

Hi KW, Jacqui here I have been reading your post with interest because it is so like me to.

I have sp and mine has seemed to get worse as I've got older (I'm 37 now) I don't know why, you'd think it would get better as you get more mature, but no it does'nt.

I work 2 and half days a week at an Admin Office in our Local Council, and there is quite a few women in there, after working there over a year I still get butterflies in my stomach before I go in beginning of each week, worried about facing them, as I do not enjoy conversations.

I to try to avoid face to face conversations when ever possible as I find it so uncomfortable, when I make eye contact my nerves go haywire, I think its the fact that they are looking at ME, and the attention is on me, I know it sounds strange, when I have to speak to people I find it hard to know what to say and usually come out with a load of rubbish (or so i think).

Unlike you I don't really have cause to speak infront of people (thank god) but I know if I did I would feel exactly the same as you, I think the more nervous you get the more chance you could mess up, but the more you think of messing up the more nervous you get, vicious circle comes to mind!

Its sounds like you, like me, are worried about what people think of you, but you just have to try and look at it from their point of view, they have probably listened to loads of people talking and don't think anything of it, so if you just try to block them out and concentrate on what your saying, it may be easier, listen at me telling you that, if only I could take my own advice, I am gradually trying to teach myself to me more self confident by saying over and over " I am as good as anyone and better than most" we are all equals in this world, so don't care what others think of you, if they think bad then its their problem not yours, you are a GOOD person, keep saying that, I do.

Anyway I've babbled on a bit so loads of luck with your prob, and may speak again soon.

Love Jacqui