I am struggling to get sorted for Christmas, got no interest whatsoever, got this sent by a friend this evening and thought I would share it with you, it seemed to take away a bit of the tense feelings over Xmas and gave me a giggle.AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup ofboiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by gettingsomeone else to hold them while you chop away.
Avoid arguments with your partner about lifting the toilet seat by simplyusing the sink.
A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you willbe afraid to cough.
Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forgetabout the toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, usethe WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
IMPORTANT QUESTIONS:
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialised?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologises for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt!!!!!
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
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