worry!!!

[bluesparkle]

ive put off posting for a few days hoping this will go away...
i know many of you are suffering and i know things seem worse at this time of year, i didnt want to sound selfish just going on about myself but i need a kick up the bum!!!
my panic has been good this year thanks to all you lot, and i have achieved things but now over the last week i have lost the plot!
i have my eldest daughter arriving in about half hour for two days and my sons are in and my youngest is 12 and so still very excited about the whole xmas thing...but she knows mummy isnt happy although i try to hide it.
i have really struggled this week, to the point where i was worried as i dont remember feeling this low for a very long time.
my partner left me in july and has someone else, but we have kept the contact and i wont go into every detail but i am very dependant on it even though i dont want to be. but have decided in the new year this must be very minimal(well for me it will have to be good-bye compleatly). he is spending new year with his new partner and i always said that would be the cut off point. although xmas he will be alone, he only lives just down the road from me and i find it very hard.
i am angry, sad, everything altogether.i want all this pain to end.
it has been a bad year with my own health , my sons health, and my ex leaving.
he is popping in tomorrow to see us which i should not have agreed to but i did. we do get on very well.
i just do not know how i am going to get through xmas, everytime i talk to him or see him i cry at the moment which is not like me,and when i keep away from him my anxiety is sky high. with worry. i should have made the break ages ago but didnt, this new year ...less contact thing is a mutual thing as he needs to move on and so do i.
i guess i just realise that it is very near now and am very scared...
i worry about him all the time... but why when he has hurt us...
thank you for listening to me... and im sorry to just be moaning but i really want to get a grip on this.
rach

[Piglet]

The trouble with Christmas hun it always seems to heighten our responses to things (good or bad even) - everything seems just that bit 'bigger'.

I wouldn't set much store by how you feel just at present. Try and go with the flow around you (and it's lovely to have all the kids around) and don't make assumptions that how you feel just now is how you will always feel.

As one who has been where you are I can promise that it gets easier with time.

Love Piglet

[chalky]

Hi Rach,

You really are having a tough time!



You are working so hard to try to please everyone else.Please remember yourself !!!!
I hope your X'mas passes off well.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[bluebottle]

Rach,

You will be OK. I know all what your going through, and letting go is very scary, and this time of year makes us feel the need to have someone special. No Contact is what will work flower. I wish I could take away your pain, but I can't, but you can. You can take control. Cry and cry and get it all out, it won't kill you. This will pass my friend. If you want a chat I'll be around at tea-time. Take care.

[bluesparkle]

thank you very much for your replies