Finally the various flu's and colds that people around me have been complaining about have struck. I felt it coming on yesterday and now I feel awful.
Got the shivers and sweats, runny nose, feeling sick, running to the loo every 5 mins and generally feeling like death.
Worse though, I also feel my mood is a bit unstable at the moment. I managed really well over Christmas and felt pretty good. Now I'm back home and the new year comes closer I feel very unsure about my plans for next year. I was really up for doing lots of stuff, changing my meds, starting lots of day groups and going out more. But the reality of actually doing it is starting to worry me. I feel like I wasn't thinking properly when I decided to do that.
Is that because I actually wasn't thinking properly at the time? Or am I just feeling depressed or anxious again now? I feel confused about what mood I am in, am I up, down, side to side or a yo-yo? I'm constantly obsessing about what mood I am in and the signs of me going downhill again. That whole dead end cycle of thoughts is getting to me.
I am also a bit worried about my shrink, he keeps giving various diagnosis to me verbally and then putting various other things in writing that eventually come through to me months later as copies. Initially when I saw him I was told I had 'Panic / generalised anxiety disorder', then depression, then BPD, then mood instability. I'm beginning to think the guy is wrong and I probably know better than him. I hate the whole idea of questioning a diagnosis, but he always seems so vague when I try to pressure him.
So bleh, my head is doing a bit of a spin.
Jim