grieving... 3years on : (

[littlemiss_sunshine]

hi everyone,
the 3rd anniversary of my grans death is coming up, it all seems like it happened yesterday. the memories are still so 'fresh' in my mind. i miss her so much, i really want her back. i'm writing this now and i feel so empty and hurt.
i'm sick of people telling me to 'move on' i feel like punching them. but how am i suppose to 'move on'. she was my backbone in everything! she was everything to me.

[kate]

Awww Big Hugs to you

I lost my nan nearly 13 years ago and it would have been her birthday on 28th November. I still shed some tears on that day.

Three years is really not a long time. It WILL in time get slightly easier but your memories of her will always remain.

Kate

[Lilith1980]

Hi

My father died 14 years ago, it will be 15 years in 2008 and in all honesty it still hurts.

I'm not sure if the pain and empty feeling ever leaves you totally. I don't grieve everyday but in my second session with my counsellor I broke down because it was apparent that the day my father died, so did a part of me.

Its hard losing a family member who had such an impact on our life. I'm not particularly religious but I know my father is with me everyday, he is a part of me, as your gran is a part of you.

Kate is right, three years isnt long at all. I dont think people mean to be insensitive when they say move on, I think people just want to make sure you are ok.

Grieving takes different amounts of time for different people, so dont be hard on yourself or expect yourself to wake up one morning and just be ok.

Do you have a counsellor or friend/family member you can speak to. It always helps even if you are just talking about the person and how much you love them and miss them.

xxxxx

[Lindalou64]

I BELIEVE IN TIME BUT WE STILL HURT FROM LOSING OUR LOVED ONES WE HAVE TO REMEMBER THE GOOD MEMORIES THAT KNOW ONE CAN TAKE FROM US.........LINDA XX

[Bill]

I lost my father 2 years ago last October. I've not moved on from it. At quiet times or when I get a reminder, my thoughts go back to all the good and bad times we shared. I was extremely close to him. I still feel no one understood me as much as he did because we were so much alike.

They say time heals but I think when it involves someone who you were very close to, it can take a very very long time for healing to take place.

I know of people who still grieve years and years after they lost the person they loved. Sometimes we never get over it. We just learn to live with it.

The only way I know to cope is to not dwell on memories when we're feeling low and try to occupy our time with things we enjoy doing and by talking to close friends and relatives who we can share our feelings with, who will understand and comfort us.

[littlemiss_sunshine]

thanks guys,
well in response to ur replies
-yes rachel, i do keep a pic of her. its in fact the 'perfect family portrait' of all of us when we were all 'happy'.
- i am seeing a counsellor about it, (CPN) she thinks iv only just began the 'grieving process' and i told her how much my family have EXPECTED me to keep smile on my face.
i didnt think it was 'normal' to still be feeling like she just died, i dont know what the 'norm' is anymore. i have loads of dreams of her, only last night i dreamt she was still alive, and everyone believed me!

[Coni]

Hi Littlemiss sunshine,
I think that there is no right or wrong way to grieve and I think if the grief process gets stuck at some point then its very difficult to move on and at some point you have to revisit and work through those feelings. I think the fact that you dream about your grandmother shows that you're subconciously still trying to deal with this.

My dad died very suddenly 22 years ago when I was 18 and it was the single most traumatic life changing experience Ive ever had. I didnt grieve at the time, for lots of reasons, not least because I kept trying to analyse how I 'should' be feeling. I dreamt a lot about my dad and still do sometimes....and like you the memories are so fresh of that day thatwhen I think about it I get all the powerful feelings. Its only since seeing a psychologist that I realise how much of an effect his death has had on me and I'm now starting to work through it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is dont feel bad about your feelings, maybe you should try 'allowing' yourself you feel what you feel. Grief is a process and everyone experiences it differently, wnd sometimes it isnt as straightforward as going through each stage one by one and coming out the other side, sometimes we go back and forward a bit, but its what we need to do for us ( sorry does that make sense?)

Anyway sending you lots of hugs cos I know how difficult it can be especially at this time of year.

luv Coni XX

[littlemiss_sunshine]

i'm glad to know that its a process that many people experience differently and when its the most important person in ur life, it has much more bigger impact on you.
thankyou for making me aware of this.
love sam x