Suicidal thoughts

[Kroko]

Hello

I switched medications to Zoloft (50 mg per day) a while ago and I don't know why but now I've gotten depressed and suicidal for the first time in my life. I've been this way for the past week, my depersonalisation also feels worse, and I'm very anxious and often feel desperation.

My sister killed herself last November. I feel like suicide is almost inevitable for me, my other grandmother (on my father's side) committed suicide, as did my uncle on my mother's side and someone else on my father's side, and now that my sister has done it too I feel like I have the tendency in me.

I can't stop thinking about suicide, it's like I'm obsessed with these thoughts...I have and have always had OCD symptoms, by the way. I try to think positively but it feels like my mind keeps pulling me down...I think things like how death will stop me from feeling this way, on the other hand I also believe that I will inevitably feel better at some point...I now tend to lose faith in that too when I feel really really bad, though.

Things seem to be going for me a lot like they did for my sister...I cry a lot in my desperation and I dwell in my thoughts...I tried watching a movie but I only felt worse.

I'm currently being treated at a psychiatrict ward where I go every day except weekends...they're trying to get me to take all sorts of medication, but I don't want all that, my sister had so much and now she's dead, OD'd on her meds. I already take Zoloft and a drug called Oxepam (similar to diazepam) when necessary. I took an Oxepam today and I probably couldn't even type this without having done so...I know they're addictive so I try not to take them regularly.

[Tigga]

Kroko,

I'm so sorry to hear you've been having such a tough time, it sounds like you are in a really difficult place at the moment, but you are right in thinking you WILL feel better, however hard it is to believe that at the moment, and however much your depression is trying to tell you otherwise. Focus on getting through the day a small step at a time, you CAN make it through this.

xx

[bubbles]

Kroko,

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low.
You say that you switched to Zoloft a while ago. I, also, take this--only it's called Sertraline or Lustral here. (I take 50mg daily). For the first couple of weeks my symptoms did intensify--but it did subside. You don't say how long you have been on them---it can take several weeks for one to feel any better & for the side-effects to quieten with this med (& with similar meds.)

You say that the psych. ward is trying to get you to take lots of different meds---which you understandably are not keen on because of recent family experiences.
When my doc put me on Sertraline she said I should contact her immediately if I had any excessively depressive thoughts. (I was lucky & didn't have them). Are you being monitored for reactions by the person who prescribed the current meds?

Is it possible or are you already having any counselling that does not have to involve so many meds?

Linda. x

Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.

[jude]

Hiya Kroko,

Havent seen you on the forum for a few days. Was wondering how you were.
Please dont believe that because close members of your family have taken their own life, that it will happen to you too.

In this life you never know what is round the corner. Your life could change for the better tomorow or the next day. Even if it takes a year or more, things will begin to feel better eventually.

Whenever I feel this down, I try to imagine the pain I would cause to the people I care for in my life, family, friends, if I was to kill myself.

Please try to remember that these feelings and emotions are only temporary and will go away. The sun will shine for you again one day Kroko, and you need to be here to appreciate it

Take care my friend.
Jude x

[sal]

Hi Kroko

Can see how hard this is for you. You have been through so much losing your sister and now you feel as bad.

But you are on the site and talking and we will help you all we can. It isnt inevitable that you will do that same thing but i can truly understand how you constantly think about it and think the same will happen to you.

We wont let you get to that and i know how hard it is knowing someone close committing suicide as to you it will have become a believable option. When one of my best friends did it i suddently realised that it could be done and it scared the life out of me knowing the hurt i could leave behind.

I am sure too many people care and by joining this site you have loads of people on here who care and will give you all the support you need.



Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

[Meg]

Kroko ,

Remember these are just thoughts not instructions.....

Also that you are settling in on an SSRI which is well known now to have worse days before better ones so you'll feel better quite soon - meanwhile hang in there.

We have heard quite a bit from you over the months and constistently ringing through is how much you want to enjoy your life and this is just a hard bit until you get some relief when the meds start to work.

You will get through this rough patch





Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[lisarose]

Hi Kroko, Sorry to hear you feel so bad at the moment.

Please don't think that there is never a way out. I too had sucidal thoughts when I was at my worst and have overdosed twice the last time being in feb 2001 just after being released from a physchiartic unit becuase I was convinced I would never get any better and that I was a burden to my family and that my kids would be better off without me. I did get through it and am so glad that I did and feel so much guilt for putting my family through such a bad experience. I promise that things will get better for you but I know it is hard when you are in such a dark place and you can't see any way out. Just because other members of your family have been through this doesn't mean that you will go the same way. Please try to stay strong and I can't begin to imagine how you felt when your sister took her own life but I do know that we will all try to support you as much as we can. If you ever need to talk please feel freee to email me at lisarosemore@msn.com or send me a PM and I will try to help you as much as I can. I have been where you are now and it is not a nice place to be but you can overcome it I promise nothing is ever worth taking your own life for and I could cry for you honestly and just wish I was there with you so I could give you a big hug and tell you that you are not alone.

Please keep in touch with us
and take care
Love Lisaxxx

[Tracy68]

Hi Kroko
So sorry that you are going through such an awful time at the moment. Try and focus on something different (i know this is all easier said than done). Another thing you must think about is how it would affect people in your life. Keep posting on here and let everyone help you. You will get through this.
Take care
Tracy
xx

[kate]

Sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time at the moment, Kroko.

As you only lost your sister in November your grief will still be shadowing your thinking.

Suicide for you is definately NOT inevitable. You are receiving treatment and things WILL start to get better for you.

Thinking of you

Love Kate xx

[bluebottle]

[:I] Sorry, forum gremlins.