Suicidal thoughts

[bluebottle]

Hi Kroko,

Contact these guys by phone if possible.

http://www.samaritans.org/index.shtm

If you can't phone then email them.

Suicidal thoughts are not the same as wanting to do it. If they were this forum wouldn't have many members. Also, the fact that your sister sadly took her own life does not mean you are the same because your a member of the same family. If this were the case brothers and sisters would have more in common than a clone, and even clones behave differently to the original animal because they have a different personality due to their experiences and character. What you have in common with your sister is you have the same parents, there the similarity begins to fade.
I may have dropped out of sociology due to ill health Kroko, but when I did I was top of the class. I also have a 1st from the University of Life 1961. So please believe this college drop-out when he tells you not to worry and that you will begin to feel better once your medication kicks in. If you have been taking this tablet for more than 6 weeks I strongly suggest you go and see your GP and tell him what you have told us, he will very likely change them to another sort.

Regards,

Blue
--
Japanese Proverb:
Fall seven times; stand up eight.

[Kroko]

Thank you all.

Today I had a conversation unlike any previous one with my mother. I've always thought she doesn't care about me, but she told me I'm important to her and that ending my life would be the worst thing I could do to her. She said she worries about me all the time.

She has told me a few times that it would be best if she had me killed...she's told me some other nasty things too, she claimed that this has been her way of trying to relieve her fears and that she doesn't mean those things and wouldn't want me killed.

I also finally asked her about why she and my stepdad seemed to always get drunk when we were on a holiday anywhere...she claimed that it wasn't a way out of having to deal with me, she said they had all kinds of worries back when I was little, what with house mortgage and all...I told her I was always afraid when the adults I depended on around me got drunk and started acting strangely...she said she never thought of it like that and wished I had told her this when I was little.

I really don't know if I believe her or not...but I do feel slight relief somehow...I guess it's because I want to believe what she said...

[Meg]

Hi Kroko,

How good to have had that conversation wityhh your mUm. Its awful when peopel say thing that really hurt us but don't mean them but never explain that bit ..

It would seem that she has quite a few fears too but gets through hers by covering up with bravado...Not the best way - but its her way
I hope you can forgive her now some of the worst things shes said to you in the past .




Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[Kroko]

I feel so bad...

I'm still in the psychiatric ward (I'm at home now but I go there every day). I was put back on Fevarin/Luvox as I started getting suicidal thoughts and depression on Zoloft...but I still feel awful, I feel out of strength, I feel hopeless, things seem so bleak. I've been talking to the staff at the ward about how I feel...I wish it would help me more...I wish someone would. :(

[JPF]

Hi Kroko

I'm really sorry to read how you're feeling at the moment.. I know it's easy for someone else to say it but hang on in there.. we're all here to support you and listen to you, I know it's a very lonely feeling but remember where we are.. give youself some time for the meds to work and never give up hope on anything; keep telling yourself it's a bad patch and that you'll come through it..

Hang on in there - we're all rooting for you.

JP

[Jan]

Hi Kroko

Dont feel bad about having to go to the psychiatric ward, it is a temp thing whilst you are getting over the worst of your depression and anxiety. I would imagine that because of your sister and your thoughts they would want to keep close eye on you. Unfortunately I have been told that some meds do make you have suicidal thoughts but thats all they are and because of your family history this would be at the forefront of your mind. I know it is difficult to think of now but life really is for living and suicide is not a get out clause. I truly believe that if we take the easy option out(and trust me I have thought about it so much lately) we only have to come back again to relive things and learn the lessons that we missed or opted out of first time so it isnt worth it. Think what you will miss!! I know that this difficult for you but as long as you have a tiny piece of hope then it is a foundation to start from and with all the help support advice and caring from everybody here you will get there. Whenever things get really tough you know that you only have to come on to the forum and contact someone and they will be there for you.

take care

Janine