Not sure if this is OCD

[bluebottle]

Hey, your doing OK. It won't come overnight but gradually you'll get there. If you need to talk just send me a PM, and don't worry, we all have problems.

Regards,

Blue
--
This Years Love - David Gray -
If you love me got to know for sure, Cos it takes something more this time than sweet sweet lies

[Gaffertape]

I've been journaling each day as kind of a creative exercise, but in the end I think it's just permitting me to wallow in the obesssion. I just finished reading my notes from the past month and reminds me of one thing:

When I was 14 years old I kept a diary. I read it again when I was about 16 and I set it on fire because it made me so angry about the goofy desperation that had been recorded on those pages. By the way, that action is one that I have never regretted.

This seems like so much of the same thing.

Every few days I write a note to myself in my log saying "you have to move forward" but then two days later the journal is still rambling on about these friendships.

I'm guessing that a big part of my problem is that I'm constantly confronted by this problem 5 days a week when I work with them. It makes it hard to move forward.

Still - I know that even if everything friendship-wise were solved by magic tomorrow it wouldn't solve the issues in my life that I've been avoiding by obsessing on these friendships.

Tough stuff to deal with for sure.

[andrew]

hi gaff,

ive only just read this post through, i can relate to this.

it must be hard for you being in the same workplace. well done for staying out of contact, you're doing all the right things, you're not reacting to your obsessive thoughts and feelings, your talking about/investigating your feelings, getting treatment - give it time, it will pass. keep yourself busy, anything artistic is good, dont forget how to laugh.

im not sure what you read but i did wanna say that you are taking 2 different medications and drinking, its a dangerous game.

do try and confront your thoughts that are holding out in hope or obsession lol of rekindling these relationships - would you behave the same way if you wanted to be friends with somebody. and im not suggesting anything but do ask yourself some very straightforward Bloke questions about your feelings for these 2 women

so moving on, the most Important thing ive written here today ... what do you think are the issues in your life that you are avoiding? whats tough to deal with? take the plunge whether you discuss it here or elsewhere - this is moving on ... regards andrew

[Gaffertape]

I know it probably seems odd (and even odder to the girls in question) that I should have established such a hangup on friends, but no - there's no romantic attachment or desire here.

I know that my only recourse is to try to push my thoughts aside - the wish for these friendships to return even in a small degree - and just present myself as the best person I can be. I know that I'm a good person, I'm taking all the right steps, and even when I was at my worst, my transgressions weren't all that terrible. I've made a huge deal out of something that should not be all that critical. I need to re-evaluate their value to me. At this point I have given them so much power over how I feel, its ridiculous. Even now part of my mind tells me that I won't be able to move forward until I receive some small sign from them that this will be over soon.

But the fact is, not knowing when or if that sign will come is paralyzing me. I need to move forward myself, and try to let this stuff go. Unfortunatley, that's an easy sentence to type, but its a hard assignment to follow through on.

Gaff

[Gaffertape]

Had a pretty good Sunday, which is unusual, as I'm typically bracing for encounters on Monday. Did a lot of exercise which may have helped.

Unfortunately I couldn't get through the Monday. Nothing bad happened per se, but the silence from these two is just taking its toll. I hear them laugh from down the hall and it just kills me. I began to weep and couldn't stop, so I left work early.

I haven't cried about this in awhile, but I guess I should expect some bad days along with the good.

I know the steps I need to take. Its just so hard to keep going back into that environment, and I'm not focused enough at the moment to find a new job.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Gaff

[Gaffertape]

Had a reasonably good day today at work and not as a result of any positive interaction with the girls in question. Worked fairly closely with girl 01, but it remained coldly professsional (as I need it to be right now).

Not sure if today is just a flash in the pan, or if the meds are finally starting to kick in. I sure hope its the paxil, because then I can rely on the feeling continuing.

This has been harder than I ever imagined.

Gaff

[Meg]

Well done Gaff for managing so well today.

Whether its meds or you - you can keep hold of this strength...

Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[nomorepanic]

Gaff

Well done on coping today. Keep it up ok and you will get there in time.

Nicola

[Karen]

Well done Gaff. Being in a similar situation myself I know how difficult this is.

I really hope you can hold onto the success of today and carry it forward.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[jeannie]

Take every day as it is. You will have ggod days and bad days. I'm going through similar problems and have been on medis for 6 weeks. I'm doing really well, but when I start to get excited about things or stressed everything seems to set off again.
I'm sure the medication will help us.
Keep fighting your OCD. It will be worth it in the end, no matter how hard it is.
Take care,
Jeannie