Your Social Anxiety

[mico]

First of all I'd like to thank Nicola for this new addition to the forums, I got quite excited when I seen it (I obviously lead a vibrant life) [:P]. Hopefully it can give me (as well as others) a better insight into SA, which is partly the reason for this topic. If you want to waste a few minutes of your day, then feel free to read on...

I was reading through the other topics here and felt compelled to reply to all of them, each one had issues that I was familiar with. But I didn't want to repeat myself in each one, so I decided to start a new one instead (I guess the problem with this is that I may be asking others to repeat themselves who have already posted. If so, I apologise).

After suffering from anxiety for about 8 years and educating myself on what exactly it is, how to control it, etc, I feel I have a reasonably good understanding of the whole 'anxiety thing'. But sometimes I find social anxiety to be a far cry from my other anxieties. For example, even though I would only consider myself to have suffered from anxiety for the past 8 years, I feel my SA goes as long back as I can remember. Looking at the other posts here, others seem a little confused with it too, so what I wanted to do with this topic is get a few people's opinions, their experiences of SA, and what it means to them. Kind of like SA Anonymous . I think it would be a good start to the Social Anxiety thread in the forums if we start off by trying to understand a little about SA in general itself.

'HI my name's mico, I've been a....'

No, seriously. The honest truth is that I have never been officially diagnosed with SA, I'm my own doctor (typical bloke, huh?), I diagnose and treat myself, which is why I would like to gain a better understanding. One of the most confusing things for me, is how is my SA different from my other anxieties? Do I even have SA? Should SA cause panic attacks, it never used to? What I do remember, is from as long as I can remember, I've been very shy. Someone asked in another thread here; where do you cross the line? It's a good question. Where exactly do you cross the line? Unfortuanately, from what I've learned about myself and from anxiety is that usually things arn't black and white, all the same though, I would like to get things a little clearer if possible. All this time of suffering from SA/shyness, I never had one panic attack or any physical symptoms of anxiety until eight years ago. Even so, I would still consider my 'condition' (not sure if I like that word, but anyway...) to be quite severe. I can't go out into any public place and feel comfortable. If there are people about, then I'm being watched! I'm probably not being watched, but that is how I feel, and even if I was, why should I care (That's a rhetorical question )?

Not only do I reguarly feel like I'm being watched, but I also feel like I'm being judged, especially when I speak, which in turn makes me speak less. I guess these are just regular symptoms of shyness though, and the actually boundaries of shyness and SA are still unclear. What does strike a chord with me, is that given the scenario that I was the only person in the world, then I don't feel I would suffer from anxiety. Although many people are maybe the same in that respect. I think one of my biggest fears is the fear of people. Agorophobia isn't usually diagnosed as a fear of wide open spaces as many people believe the term to be, it is usually diagnosed when you fear going places, of which usually involve a certain amount of people. Incidentally, the original Greek meaning of 'Agoro' is 'market place' (a phobia of the market place). Which is usually what Agorophobics fear the most, shopping centres, etc.

Don't ask me where I'm going with this, I've lost myself [:P]! I'm just thinking out loud here (again! sorry [B)] I did have something to say when I started this, but I forgot exactly what it was now).

Anyway, back to the story/informative post/gibberish/complete waste of my dinner break! (select as appropriate )...

All I'm toy

[Tracy68]

Hi Mico
How to answer to that...I think its probably best if I can put my situation across and I think that there is a difference (kind of lol).
I've come to realise that i actually suffer with Health anxiety, I'm always worrying about becoming ill and every pain i blow all out of proportion and convince myself that i have something terrible. I don't however suffer with a social anxiety. I can quite easily go out and mix with people, even strangers (ok maybe more so when i was younger) but I don't have a fear of people watching me or anything.
Now on the other hand my fiance does suffer with social anxiety quite badly. He is the same as you, can't stand the thought of going out because people will be watching him and judging him also. I find his anxiety a bit difficult to understand the same as he does mine. He hates going into a shop where he doesn't know the layout because that would mean he would have to go wandering around the shop looking for what it was he wanted and he says people are watching him and he feels stupid. He tends to wear black clothes most the time and when i asked him why he said that if he wore brighter colours that would attract people to look at him. We're getting married at the end of May and only last night did he say to me, please don't expect me to make any speeches or do that first dance of the evening, because the idea of having everyone watching him makes him feel physically sick.
I think i've waffled on a bit and to be honest to put everything into words about mine and his anxieties would take all night. But i do certainly feel that there is a difference between the two. I don't know if you can relate to any of this at all.
This probably hasn't helped much but just thought by putting my situation across between us all we may eventually come up with some answers.
Take care
Tracy
xx

[sal]

Hi Mico

Great to hear from you. Great piece of writing, going to read it again before i reply.

Hi Tracy

Great post aswell in replies to Mico's.



Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

[another_adam]

hi mico

I diagnosed myself with SA and generalized anxiety(GA) too . Doctors would hand over ssri's but never actually titled my anxietys or counsellors either, i wish they had just to confirm it!.

I just tryed writing about SA and GA but i dont know myself lol. I keep changing my opinion on the matter.

There different only because of what you fear.
hows that!

GA for me was the worst simply because you are in constant fear(of what? dieing most of time), whereas SA was when i put myself into certain situations, like going to town, college, work etc.

I agree with you mate its a really complex issue, where is self esteem/confidence involved in this is that the real problem? "accepting yourself for who you are" would that sort the anxiety issues out? are they underlying suppressed feelings we need to open too in order to heal? probably.

::

[mico]

Sal

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">

Great to hear from you. Great piece of writing, going to read it again before i reply.

<div align="right">Originally posted by sal - 03 March 2005 : 16:10:26</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

HaHa, are you being serious ? My mind went blank after the first paragraph I think, I'm half asleep today. But I'd started so I thought I might as well finish [^].

Thanks anyway. Hope you are doing well.


Tracy

It's good to just hear different people's opinions, and what they have to say on the matter, whatever those opinions may be (in fact, the more varied, the better).

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote"> He hates going into a shop where he doesn't know the layout because that would mean he would have to go wandering around the shop looking for what it was he wanted and he says people are watching him and he feels stupid.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

That's interesting, it's very much like me too, I thought I was the only nutter . It often feels people are watching every single move I make and are questioning the reasons why I do such things. Say, for the shop scenario, people are going to be watching me and asking themselves, 'what's he doing in that part of the shop?', 'why's he going over there?', 'what's he looking at that for?', 'he doesn't look right for this shop'! It really is ridiculous, and I may well spend the full time there with these kind of thoughts going through my head. And as I say, I've had this problem from way before my anxiety. So I guess one of the big questions is; what causes it? I know it's some form of anxiety, it's just a very confusing one.

Adam

You sound just as confused as me .

It's all good though, keep 'em coming.

Thanks

mico

[sal]

Hi Mico

I can relate to what you are saying and can also see the point you are making about SA and it been inbuilt if you are a shy person. Of is it that people are confident through out their lifes then a incident in a busy place brings it on. It could be both, i am sure some from a very young age who have been very shy have had SA but that wont have been recognised.

But you also get fear of places where you can relate a panic attack to and you wont expose yourself to that again, that could be a shopping centre etc so in turn as that turned into SA.

I dont know the answers but it was a good post you started.



Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

[Tracy68]

Very confusing, and I don't know the answer either. But I do honestly think that the cause of it varies from person to person. John (fiance) was perfectly ok up until about ten years ago when something devastating happened to him (sorry but can't go into detail that wouldn't be fair on him). Then since that episode he went downhill and very quickly. He suffered agoraphobia for several years and never went out the house and when he had to he could only go with someone with him.

[but I also feel like I'm being judged, especially when I speak, which in turn makes me speak less. ]

Again i can know where you are coming from. John will chat to people but finds it easier when he is in his own home. If we go walking together and bump into someone they'll speak to him and he'll mumble back and unfortunately they then in turn think he is being rude.
There are alot of people who just don't understand social anxiety (i don't always and i live with him) but just because you can't see it say like you can a broken arm doesn't mean people have to naive about it.

Tracy
x

[Unhappy_Tiger]

This is a very interesting topic, and I have a couple of thoughts about it. I've been giving SA a whole lot of thought, and I have a couple... perhaps you could call them hypotheses.

Anyways, as I said in my other thread, I think that perhaps someone can train themselves to have social anxiety disorder if they are an already shy person. By avoiding socialization, you create a lessening of anxiety (positive stimulus), and that cycle will continue until it becomes a habit and a phobia that changes your neural pathways.

I think the line dividing shyness and SA is tough - they're definitely related. I think I might say that it's only when your shyness is so extreme that it interfers with your quality of life and relationships that it becomes social anxiety disorder.

As for myself, I'm combining psychotherapy and an SSRI (Paxil) to try and ease my social phobia. I told my psychiatrist that I thought my insecurity with talking to others, my feelings of being watched and judged as I fill my car up with gas, walk across a crosswalk, get called on in class (the last one causes intense, unbearable anxiety to me), walk into a store (no, you're not the only weirdo there... I feel extremely uneasy about looking at various things because I think that a shop owner is going to tell me I don't need it or something) come from feelings of inferiority that I've had since I was a small child. We've managed to pinpoint the beginning of the inferiority to my parent's divorce, and I thought I was responsible for my mom's sadness. Now, even though I logically realize that of course I was not, I can't get rid of the base feelings of inferiority. This causes me to feel like I shouldn't be crossing the crosswalk because cars have to drive somewhere, I shouldn't be putting gas in my car because someone else needs the pump, I shouldn't talk to professionals or doctors because they have more important things to worry about. This, I believe, caused my SA. I'm quite sure it varies for everyone, but I hope my example can help you figure out some answers to your questions.

[andrew]

hi mico,

umm, errrr .... loads of questions. i think one of the reasons social anxiety is so difficult to pin down is because its a created phrase to describe more than one similar anxiety creating situation. also the chosen words aren't defined enough - "anxiety" for instance means five different things to five different people.

im a self diagonsed sufferer as well .... i'd be interested to know if anybody other than a psychriatrist could actually diagonse somebody as having this condition and how long they would need to make that evaluation.

im not sure that i ever think about whether SA is different from any other anxieties, although i have the same deep rooted feelings that it is embedded. i do tend to look at it in terms of emotions rather than words, all of our feelings are part of our personalities. i didn't get it at all where you related it to GAD, again i think its a case of different words holding different meanings for different ppl. after a bit of thought i did actually think it was more OCD in pattern, the self consciousness is obsessive and the do's and dont's of lifestyle are fairly complusive.

in the 3 years ive been trying to 'fix this' i have got better (all the usual theraphy) i can now swing my arms in my little circle of life lol. and i can cope with some situations easily that would have previously anxiety attacked me. i suppose ive learnt to front it out, supress, affirm, stroke, comfort, force my feelings when i need to - but left to choice my circle is very small, is it the SA controlling me still, is it just my personality, who knows???

anyway more than enough .... andrew

[sal]

Hi Mico

Got some great replies and you have made us all think about it.

Hope you are okay.



Lots of Love Sal xxxxx