Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 37

Thread: Your Social Anxiety

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    26
    I find that on the rare ocasions I do go out in public or at family gatherings I just can't be myself.

    I am either too loud or can't cope with anybody at all.

    There is never any middle ground with me

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    527
    Apologies for not posting for a while...but unfortunately, I'm back

    I started this topic with the intention of clearing a few things up, and making this whole SA thing a bit more managible(sp?). i.e. A little simpler and easier to understand. Yet in true mico fashion I think I've gone all the way to the opposite end of the spectrum and managed to strike up debates about nature vs nurture, amongst other things. And now, to top it all off, I'm wondering if I have SA at all! [:O]

    But still, don't know about you, but I'm finding it interesting and educational, so I'll carry on...

    KW

    A few things stood out in your post.

    <b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">If I'm having a conversation with one person or in a group I constantly worry about what they are thinking of me. It's very difficult when you're trying to listen to someone!!</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
    It is very difficult, but I've learnt over time that if you can build up the focus and concentration towards these things (such as listening) then it can be a big help in pushing out the negative thoughts that create this type of thinking in the first place. There's only room in there for so many thoughts at once. It's certainly a vicious circle, but you can get out of it with a lot of hard work.

    <b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote"> My problems stem from childhood and it didn't help that my father picked on me amongst other problems aswell.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
    It's unfortunate that you had to suffer from this problem, but when I read that, it kind of reinforced the fact that these problems can stem from a loss of confidence through incidence. If that's the case, it stands to reason that the lost confidence can be built up again through practice.

    Then you go on to talk about building this confidence up, which is great! I found your post quite inspiring, the fact that you're pushing to get past all these problems and that you've made all of these achievments. One of the main reasons I started this topic because SA is such a gray area, people have different definitions of it, and no doubt people have different experiences of it too. It appears to me that people will often give advice on coping with panic attacks and other symptoms of anxiety, but rarely have I come across really good, or more to the point, clear advice on how to deal with the causes of SA/shyness/low self-esteem/etc. For example, I've searched and searched for advice concerning self-consciousness, but found none. This is why I wanted to get a topic going and really get to know about SA, it's causes, related issues, and more importantly, know where to start in the recovery process. Beacuse, quite frankly, I've always struggled to carry out the advice given to me in this area. I think the internet is a great resource for us, and we should use it to its fullest potential. I mean, before the internet, what would we do? We'd be feeling like freaks, like we were the only people who felt this way. But we can talk with people from all over the world and discuss ideas, give encouragement, advice, and support...and learn how to deal with SA! Hopefully. That's my intention anyway. Two minds are better than one, I'm sure when we have a whole message board of minds, then we can make some sense of this, and start getting better! With that positivity and the knowledge of how to do it, then I we are well on the way.

    Thanks KW, as you can see, your post has made me quite positive! [8D]


    Tracy

    I'm glad that you're finding this topic helpful, an

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    380
    I just wondered if i could ask a quick question, like i said i'm trying to learn about this and looking for easier ways to deal with it when John does finally finish work and move back down here.
    Does anyone put a barrier up and not let anyone get close to them? Sorry if this sounds an odd question and i'm totally useless at trying to explain myself (comes out all wrong).
    Its just that even though John and I are getting married and I love him to bits and vice versa i know that he has trouble letting people get to close to him. He always tells me that if he lets people in that makes him vunerable and he'll get hurt. Deep down as well i think he finds it hard to believe that people (me really) actually truly cares and loves him. I know alot of it is to do with his past and i understand that others may not be like this. Just curious to see if anyone was.
    Sorry if this sounds silly but sometimes you know what you mean and feel but find it hard to find the right words.
    Tracy
    x

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    527
    Hi Tracy

    I'm not sure if your question directly relates to SA, it may have connections, but I think the same thing could probably be said for many people who don't have SA.

    <b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">He always tells me that if he lets people in that makes him vunerable and he'll get hurt.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
    I think that can be true of many people, regardless of SA. Although there has to be a degree of negative thinking to believe that, which as we all know is a trait of anxiety. But you don't need to suffer from anxiety to think that way, there is a lot of truth in that too.

    <b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote"> Deep down as well i think he finds it hard to believe that people (me really) actually truly cares and loves him.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
    What you say here could be more connected with SA, or more specifically, low self-esteem. But again this could happen to many people. You do say 'think' though too, maybe you should ask him.

    Sorry, I haven't exactly got any great wisdom on this one, and I wouldn't really say I've experienced it myself, but I just thought I'd post and offer my thoughts. It is my opinion though that the type of behaviour you describe could come from all walks of life, regardless of anxiety. Like I said before though, there could be a connection, but I just don't know.

    Probably not a very useful reply, but that's a couple of thoughts.

    mico


  5. #25
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    380
    Mico
    Thanks for your reply. I realise that to some degree that we all are wary of getting hurt etc etc i guess it's because John suffers with SA that i wondered if this anxiety made things slighty worse.
    To be honest i could sit here and write pages and like you say whether they are all connected to SA would pobably be an impossibility to say.
    Think i'll just keep reading the posts and try to absorb as much information as possible.
    Many thanks
    Tracy
    x


  6. #26
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    , , USA.
    Posts
    15
    Tracy -

    I know completely what you mean, and understand exactly what your husband is feeling. My best friend and I are what we like to call "intimately phobic" -- we can't stand the thought of being intimately involved with someone and find it hard to express affection (she's a little worse than I am in this category, but I still feel exactly what your husband is feeling). I have social anxiety disorder, and I know she does have problems with social anxiety, so I'm willing to bet that simply through observing the correlation between social anxiety and intimateness phobia, there is indeed a connection. It's almost as if I feel like its impossible that anyone could really care for me in that way, and that through sheer isolation, I'll be safest. I won't have to entertain anyone, I won't get caught and trapped in a net of anxiety, and I won't get hurt. It's just not worth the trouble.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    157
    Hi mico
    Thanks for starting this thread. I was going to start a new one but having read through most of this one I thought I would reply to this one instead. I hope I don't bore everyone senseless but it will help me just to get all this down.

    I found this site a couple of weeks ago, I am so glad I did. I find it hard to explain how I feel most of the time but I think a lot of my anxieties overlap each other...... I feel so low most of the time. Finding this site has made me realise that others do feel the same and I'm not alone. I have always referred to my SA as shyness, [8)] I was always told I was 'shy' as a child so it became a self-fulfilling prophecy I suppose. I have lived with the 'shy' title nearly all my life. I have never had any confidence and as I've got older it has got worse, worse still after becoming a mother.

    I started hitting the bottle in my teens to give me the confidence to talk to boys, it was like a magical cure! This is how I've coped really through my life. In social situations I HAVE to have a drink. I've had to manage without drink for a week so far (doctor's orders after an operation) so I know I can live without it. I rebelled as a teenager and did some things I’m not proud of, my parents only seemed to notice me when I behaved this way……………

    I keep trying to look for answers as to why I am the way I am. I don’t want to meet people, my friends have all deserted me my parents just think I am ‘in a funny mood’ and prefer to stay away, they don’t know how I feel and I can’t tell them. :(

    We have increasing money problems which doesn’t help, I am so lonely, I dread any social situation, I avoid them when possible. I don’t like people getting up close to me and talking, I think they are judging me, I feel I am not good enough for anyone, I feel I will say something stupid. After talking to people I spend hours analysing the conversation. I think that other people are avoiding me and worry what I have done to upset them. I hate shops. I think everyone is watching me.....

    I am so sorry this has turned into a garbled long post but I find it so hard to explain how I feel and I just cannot make sense of it, my head is swimming most of the time.

    If you have got this far thanks for listening.
    Love Donna
    x

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    380
    Unhappy-Tiger

    <b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">It's almost as if I feel like its impossible that anyone could really care for me in that way, and that through sheer isolation, I'll be safest. I won't have to entertain anyone, I won't get caught and trapped in a net of anxiety, and I won't get hurt. It's just not worth the trouble</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
    That is exactly how he feels, he'd rather go for the easy life and not get involved anywhere. Like i said in an earlier post he isn't great at communicating and this is where people think him rude. Glad you found better words to describe it than i did lol. The thing is with John he never used to be like this until something happened that completely shattered any trust for people, lost confidence and turned him into some hard person if you like. Even though i do know he has a soft side to him because i've seen it, but when i mention it he goes all on the defensive saying oh well i'm not like that really....just the drink talking or some silly excuse.

    Delta

    <b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I started hitting the bottle in my teens to give me the confidence to talk to boys, it was like a magical cure! </td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
    Isn't it amazing what alcohol can do to boost your confidence. Stick my John in a room of say four people and he'll clam up and not hardly speak at all. But give him a few drinks and he'll go to a party and walk in a room full of complete strangers.
    Unfortunately certain members of my family now class him as some kind of alcoholic because when they do see him at like a family gathering, he'll have a drink in his hand, but its his way of dealing with everyone.

    Tracy
    x


  9. #29
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    527
    Hello peeps

    Tiger

    You have some points there about being intimately phobic. To me it is a complex structure of phobias going all the way into the abyss, and considering I overslept today and feel a little groggy, I don't think I'm capable of going that far down at the moment. What I will say though, is that I don't think it's a compulsory symptom of SA. Not for me anyway. Although at the same time chest pains arn't a compulsory symptom of anxiety, but are still very often caused by it.

    Tracy

    I hope you've found some help in understanding this here. Any more questions then feel free to post them.

    Delta

    Glad you're finding the site helpful so far.

    Our anxieties often do overlap each other, and that's where it begins to become complicated, none of this is straight forward.

    I was always (and still am) labelled with 'shyness' too, so I can relate to exactly what you're saying there. It is very difficult (and frustrating) when you can't express yourself the way that you would like to. Which is the reason that I have been looking into this lately with an ever increasing attention towards it.

    If you have any specific questions, do feel free to ask.



    Besides that, this thread seems to have fizzled somewhat, which is a shame because I could have debated this for weeks [:P]. Although maybe it's a good thing, if I'm sat here debating for weeks, then I'm not sure I'd be making much progress. Any more replies still apreciated.


    A strange thing has been happening to me these past few weeks though (I'm predicting that there may well be another thread posted in the very near future when the little people in my head come forth and begin speaking) [:P]


    mico




  10. #30
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    3,857
    oh my God, there are some very long, hard-core posts under this topic so just to let you all know now that I'm not even going to try to compete..I don't suffer from social anxiety myself but have found a few things to be very interesting..

    The first thing that struck me (not sure if this is at all relevant) is that for people who suffer from social anxiety, you sure have LOADS to say. Does this mean anything?? Not sure..

    Mico - you say that when you are out in public, you feel like you are being watched. I think that we ALL feel that, at least I do (**** - does that mean I DO suffer from social anxiety??) We are all scared of whether we are saying, doing, wearing the right things, etc. It's the way of the world today. I think the only difference between people is that some of us know how to deal with it/ignore it and others seem to let it get to them a lot more...but I do think that's it's something we all suffer from..

    About learning how to deal with social anxiety, I think that the key is 'confidence'. Confident people do not suffer from social anxiety (please correct me if I'm wrong). I also think that confidence is something we can work on and build up. It may sound silly but positive thinking is a good way of doing it. Telling ourselves 100 times a day that we are a great human being can really work cos pretty soon your brain will start to believe it. There are loads of tapes, etc out there that are for building confidence - maybe they might work??

    Sarah


Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. social anxiety
    By uk guy in forum Social Anxiety
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 19-07-06, 18:38
  2. Social Anxiety
    By tisa in forum Social Anxiety
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 11-06-06, 14:18
  3. social anxiety, idk what to do.
    By deja in forum Social Anxiety
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 27-11-05, 16:15
  4. Social Anxiety
    By loulou in forum Social Anxiety
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-03-05, 22:27
  5. Social Phobia / Social Anxiety
    By philm in forum Phobias
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 21-02-05, 20:34

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •