Your Social Anxiety

[mico]

Hi Sarah

Some good points there.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">The first thing that struck me (not sure if this is at all relevant) is that for people who suffer from social anxiety, you sure have LOADS to say. Does this mean anything?? Not sure..</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I'm still laughing at that one.

It is a good point though. As I've been looking through all this, I've found that many people who suffer from SA are big thinkers. I'm not sure exactly how many people fit into that categopry though, I shall have to look into it some more. It stands to reason that if we don't socially interact as we would like to, or we put up this shield of living in our own minds, then we are going to have a lot of thought processes going on in there. Not necesarilly compulsory to SA I wouldn't have thought, but likely. But if we've got all this thought locked up, then I guess it's going to be released somewhere eventually (sorry guys ).

I'm sure I had something else to say about that, but I forget, like I said before, I overslept today so I'm not too sharp at the mo.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Mico - you say that when you are out in public, you feel like you are being watched. I think that we ALL feel that, at least I do (**** - does that mean I DO suffer from social anxiety??) We are all scared of whether we are saying, doing, wearing the right things, etc. It's the way of the world today. I think the only difference between people is that some of us know how to deal with it/ignore it and others seem to let it get to them a lot more...but I do think that's it's something we all suffer from..</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I'm thinking about this one...

Using anxiety as an example, everyone has anxiety. Everyone feels the effects of it on a daily basis, the positive and the negative. Yet there is only a small proportion (us) who are actually labelled with having anxiety as an ilness. Again, you could go deep into this one (I could go deep into a conversation about the flavour of pot noodles!) but I'm not on the ball today so I won't. But I'm sure you see what I'm getting at. It's the exact same thing whether you're talking about anxiety or self consciousness. What the exact difference is, such as how you deal with it, etc, is where it goes deeper, that could be debated. The main difference is the severity I think, same with anxiety. When I go out, I have this feeling constantly, it doesn't fade, it doesn't leave me, it's always there. If anyone wants to take that debate up then please do, but I'm going to leave it for now (although I may well continue it when my brain is fully functioning again).

As for confidence, I believe it can be built up too. Await the next post [8D]

Thanks


mico

[Andy26]

Hi,

Great thread Mico - I've read a lot that I can identify with and thought I'd add a few thoughts - sorry if I'm repeating...

I can certainly identify the confusion - and like Mico I have not been to a doctor and been diagnosed but I feel social anxiety is the problem I have. I have often wondered though if it is just me and am I just different? To explain - I am 27 and while over the last 10 yrs or so people of my age are supposed to be enjoying themselves at parties, clubs and pubs etc I have actively avoided these places. I don't know if that is because I HAVE social anxiety or because I just don't LIKE these places. I'm not sure how relevant this point is to any of you but I'd be interested to hear.

Anyway I totally agree that the whole confidence/self esteem issue is the main root cause and I'm sure my natural shyness has only served to exacerbate the problem. Gradually over the years I have withdrawn from having a social life and stayed in my safe zone. This is mainly due to some bad panic attack experiences I have had with eating in public in the past and it is difficult to socialise without food being involved.

I suppose the point I am trying to make is that I am finding it difficult to overcome my social anxiety because a part of me doesn't actually want to do the things I am avoiding. It's just that I don't seem to fit in with how 'society' expects me to be (i.e. I don't like going out and getting drunk, going to hot crowded clubs etc). So I suppose the answer is, as has been said above, positive thinking to boost self esteem and confidence and try to be comfortable with who you are.

Anyway - sorry it's a bit of a random post (although that seems to be the theme here!) I'd be interested in what anybody else thinks.

Andy (confused!)

[mico]

Hi Andy

That's a perfectly valid post.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I can certainly identify the confusion - and like Mico I have not been to a doctor and been diagnosed but I feel social anxiety is the problem I have. I have often wondered though if it is just me and am I just different? To explain - I am 27 and while over the last 10 yrs or so people of my age are supposed to be enjoying themselves at parties, clubs and pubs etc I have actively avoided these places. I don't know if that is because I HAVE social anxiety or because I just don't LIKE these places. I'm not sure how relevant this point is to any of you but I'd be interested to hear.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I can identify with the confusion there, and I guess what you really have to do, is ask yourself why you don't like these places? I mean, is it just because you would feel uncomfortable out in these situations around all the people, or is it really because you simply don't like them. I'm probably not been much help here, since you have already asked that question yourself, just in other words. But what I'm really trying to say, is that through experience and thought, I have realised that I often state that I don't like things, simply because I don't feel comfortable doing them. But if I'm honest with myself, there is often a part of me deep down that would really like to just freely be able to do these things witout fear. In which case, I would probably enjoy them.

Fair enough, I don't think that I will ever be hugely confident and as sociable as some people are. I believe that there will always be a shy side to my personality, whether I'm recovered or not. I don't really see anything wrong with that, at the end of the day, we all have individual personality. And in that respect, maybe clubs and pubs and such may never be my favourite activity, but I believe that it is possible to go into these situations without any ridiculous fear and enjoy it every now and again. I mean, I can relate to the situation you're in now, sometimes I can get very annoyed when I have difficulties socialising, and obviously that doesn't make for much enjoyment when in these situations. But if you can overcome this to the point where you can strike up a conversation, or just socially interact at a basic level without much trouble, then more enjoyment is going to come about from the situation. Although I could say quite a lot on our 'drinking culture', and no, it's not something I would ever do every weekend, but the freedom to do it when I felt the urge would be nice.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote"> This is mainly due to some bad panic attack experiences I have had with eating in public in the past and it is difficult to socialise without food being involved.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I guess you already know the answer to this one, but it isn't easy. Then again, none of this is easy. It's the basic story of going out there and doing it, as Meg always says, time without incidence is the key to success.

[quote]<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I suppose the point I am trying to make is that I am finding it difficult to overcome my social anxiety because a part of me doesn't actually want to do the things I am avoiding. It's just that I don't seem to fit in with how 'society' expects me to be (i.e. I don't like going out and getting drunk, going to hot crowded clubs etc). So

[delta]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">

The first thing that struck me (not sure if this is at all relevant) is that for people who suffer from social anxiety, you sure have LOADS to say. Does this mean anything?? Not sure..

Mico - you say that when you are out in public, you feel like you are being watched. I think that we ALL feel that, at least I do (**** - does that mean I DO suffer from social anxiety??) We are all scared of whether we are saying, doing, wearing the right things, etc. It's the way of the world today. I think the only difference between people is that some of us know how to deal with it/ignore it and others seem to let it get to them a lot more...but I do think that's it's something we all suffer from..


<div align="right">Originally posted by seh1980 - 17 March 2005 : 17:50:26</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I would agree with the having loads to say, I find I can communicate far easier via email etc

but I have to disagree that everyone feels that they are being watched, I know this because I have asked people that I am close enough to. When you have SA the being watched feeling is all-consuming, I tend to think that EVERYONE is watching me when I am out and asking themselves why I am doing certain things.
Donna

[KW]

Hi Delta

Having SA myself I constantly think people are watching me and analysing...from sitting in a meeting at work, talking amongst friends, even being with family, being served at the checkout in a supermarket / clothes shop, walking along the road - people driving by in cars, buses etc....

I told my mum the other night about this actually and she didn't realise how bad it is and even though she gets a little self conscious it's not to the degree I do, so there is a difference with having SA and it is constant.

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

[Meg]

Nigel -

You're are always extremely welcome to reactivate anything you feel you'd like to

Isn't this *but I think for me at least, a large part is due to that fear of what others might think of me again* a variation on anticipatory anxiety- in tead of what if the sky should fall on me ..what if someone stares at me and thinks I'm... xyz.
The reality being that it's unlikely that you'll get more than a passing glance and instant assessment that everyone does to everyone - nice legs, big nose, pretty dress, good bum that is also instantly forgotten by all in the course of a day.

As we're never going to know what each person thought in their instant assessment it cannot harm us and therefore is of no consequence at all and the severity and anguish comes from self criticalness alone as you say Nigel - your thoughts reflected but before leaving your own personal space, never mind from some one else.

I know Charlie is writing a page on self esteem. If you would like to contribute a page on self image we would be delighted but please would you make it original for this site and not a duplicate from elsewhere.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[Alice]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">
How some people are naturally inclined to be motivated to go for their goals in life - are drawn to them like a magnet, whilst others tend to be motivated only to avoid something that they don’t value or don’t want to occur – like like-poles of a magnet repel. Both are good in moderation, but some people are extreme. Those who’re blindly focused on their goals achieve an awful lot, but often suffer spectacular and avoidable failures. On the other hand, people like us avoid all those mistakes but very rarely get going to actually achieve anything.
<div align="right">Originally posted by Nigel - 01 July 2005 : 21:50:22</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Hey, just wanted to say how much sense this made, id never thought of it being that way before. Im definitely an avoidant type, i knew that, but i'd never thought of myself as not having goals or not striving to achieve them, but thinking about it it makes so much sense! So have made a list of things that i want to have done by the end of the summer and will concentrate on that instead of avoiding things i dont want to do.

Thanks!