I am really angry at myself and feeling really low. A couple of weeks ago I though I had finally accepted that my ectopic heartbeat wasn't dangerous and it was just something that I had to live with, but the last week or so they have been back with a vengeance and are really getting me down again. I don't want to spend every waking hour worrying about them and I have talked to my counsellor, who says they are being triggered by my anxiety etc., but they are still bothering me. I just picked my kids up from school and got into the car and felt a succession of them going off in my chest. I can't say they were palpitations but about 10 to 15 ectopic beats over a period of a few minutes, but there were strong and forceful and scared me. Why do we get them? I know there are a few of us on here that have the same symptons so surely we can't all have the same 'illness.' I just wish I could deal with it better because I feel like they are taking over my life again and controlling everything. My counsellor is talking through all of my past bereavements/losses/traumas etc., but I know that there isn't going to be a miracle cure and I am probably doing nothing else to help myself. My life is stressful, I run my own baby shop look after the kids and the house as well (my husband is at work till 9.30 at night) and I have no help with childcare with the kids to the extent that sometimes if there isn't school or something they have to come to work with me! My little boy is only in nursery and won't go to full-time school till next January, which will take a bit of pressure off, but I just feel I am missing out on so much when I let this stupid sympton take a grip. Apparently, according to my counsellor I have built up barriers since an early age and instead of grieving or facing a problem I just think, Oh well, just get on with it you can't do anything about it, and that has what has eventually resulted in my problems. I have always worried about different health issues since an early age, when I was little I was convinced I would get appendicitis, but not to the extent that these ectopic beats have taken me over.
I'd better go now, I think I have gone on long enough and I am not even sure if I have posted this in the right place!!
All advice will be greatly received.
Take care, all of you,
Linda.