Attempts to help myself make me feel worse

[Franz]

Lordy, my angst just goes on and on. I'm trying to force myself to get out more but 50% of the time I just feel worse for doing so. I have this obsession about making other people feel uncomfortable or hostile to me.

I started a yoga class last week, hoping it would help me relax. Just had my 2nd session and it's OK when we're doing the excercises, but when we have to watch the teacher I just get obsessed that I'm making another person in the room uncomfortable. I usually "pick on" an attractive woman and when I see her show signs of discomfort, like shielding her face from me, I just plunge into despair. I just have no control over this. I WANT to reach out to people but I'm just waiting for the rejection - I kind of KNOW it has to come, and it always does.

I've been soldiering on with this for 3 years now and it's wearing me out :(

Sorry, I know I'm not the only one with this sort of problem - just needed to get it off my chest!

[Lilith1980]

Hi Francis

So do you find yourself purposefully staring at people until they become uncomfortable? Sorry, I just wanted to clarify as I wasnt sure.

Have you seen a counsellor or therapist about this? It shouldnt be something you have to face alone, and as you say, its wearing you out and its interfering with you forming friendships with people.

xxx

[Franz]

Hi Francis

So do you find yourself purposefully staring at people until they become uncomfortable? Sorry, I just wanted to clarify as I wasnt sure.

Have you seen a counsellor or therapist about this? It shouldnt be something you have to face alone, and as you say, its wearing you out and its interfering with you forming friendships with people.

xxx

Hi Lilith. There's not a lot I can say that would make sense to other people (I'm not being dismissive, just talking from experience of trying to communicate my difficulties). It IS possible to make people feel uncomfortable without staring them in the eye - even if they're right on the edge of your vision. It's an easy skill to learn: hypnotise yourself and tell yourself you can do it, and you'll be able to. Learning NOT to do it is the difficult thing, once you've learned how.

It's similiar to being in love with someone. When you're in love with someone (which I have never been, but I can imagine it) and you look at them, you're not JUST looking at them: you're focussing on them, you're projecting feelings towards them, filling THEM with YOUR feelings. Everybody who's experienced it knows it's true.

I'm currently seeing a CBTherapist and although I'm still struggling, she's the best therapist I've had yet. She's genuinely interested in my problem, is sympathetic and intelligent and comes up with sensible suggestions for coping.

I have coping mechanisms, that involve distracting my attention. They're not ineffective, but it's a never-ending battle, and acutely stressful. Every other day I break down in tears after work.

It's so hard making friends with people with this problem. If there's more than one person in my vicinity, I often just have to abandon conversations and walk off, or look down, which isn't a great social habit.

But thanks for the reply, anyway