struggling

[Shy_guy21]

I forgot to say what I study. I'd rather not say exactly what it is because my university is the only one in the country that does that course and I'm the only Scott in my year and so it might lead to people finding out my problems. Lets just say it's history related.

Take care,
Scott

[Meg]

Hi Scott,

I can completely understand about not wanting to be counselled by students... I certainly wouldn't have wanted or have gone through with that. Perhaps visit your doctor and speak to them about a different avenue of counselling if you think that might help..

A writer - excellent - no wonder you have a very vivid imagination and associated thoughts.
When thinking of all our most remarkable authors, I often wonder where it all comes from, they have the most fabulous insights and pure genius inspiration. I am hugely admirational.

It is common though, that they are not always accepted as the most social of people - mainly because people cannot keep up with their thoughts or they seems so different. A bit like you're describing. Try to use your talents wisely and not blurt things out so quickly and focus on the thoughts and images in ways that you can do so well. Write them - give them freedom and life that way instead of on a personal basis.

Try to keep things on a very light note with new people and just chit chat socially rather than anything heavy. What you don't tell them they cannot refer to later.

I'm so single dimentional myself. WYSIWYG. It may be more common but it's not nearly so exciting or motivational as yours can be I'm sure.

It would seem that younger people just don't have the life experience to accept your thoughts and that may be why you feel more at ease with older ones.

Tai kwan do is supposed to be good. If you do find a group I would be inclined to meet the tutor first and discuss with him your reasons for joining.

Good about the stammering only being occassional- but if it will hamper you through Uni do discuss with your doctor. I know a debating group may sound horrendously scary but it will certainly address that issue very quickly.

Glad to catch up again.


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[Shy_guy21]

Hi,

I haven't had very much published - just a few articles on the net and some articles in magazines and for student websites.

I enjoy it. it helps me relax.

Writing is always considered as a lonely activity because it takes up so much time. But using my imagination helps me to escape temporarily.

I'll take your advice. Thanks.

What do you mean by being one-dimensional?

Sorryt his is so short - I have a lecture very soon. I'll write a longer reply later.

How are you?

Thanks for caring.

TAke care,
Scott

[Shy_guy21]

Hi,

Sorry my last message was so short.

I will contact the counselling service at uni even though it will be daunting. No pain no gain though I guess. It won't hurt just to send them an e-mail for more information and see what happens. I don't trust my doctor really. i know she talks about people who are not her patients. She tells my mum all about my aunty and so I'm sure she would tell my mum about me. Also she is quite hopeless at her job - she couldn't even diagnose conjunctivitus when i had it and didn't have a clue what to do. She also refused to refer my dad to a hospital when he complained of problems and as a result his terminal cancer wasn't dealt with until aroubnd a year later than it could have been.

Like I said in my last post I have only had a few pieces published and they have been non-fiction. I hope to have my fiction published soon. I find that helps me a lot. I do campaign work through my writing - I feel helping others takes my mind off my own problems. I also write about my own problems but fictionalise it. And sometimes attempt poetry to show how I'm feeling but I ca n never do it, but still writing something is the next best thing to talking to someone about everything.

Many authors have mental health problems or are isolated in some way from society. Their upbringing and there isolation can be inspiring plyus the fact they are alone means they have more time to think and write. I know that I tend to use my imagination to escape and fantasise about how things could have been.

I watched a programme once where a very unconfident man was being taught to be more confident. he had to do Tai Kwon Do. I have books on it and it seems good. There isn't anywhere near me though that does it at the moment. Not sure if my uni has a society.

How are you? I feel selfish talkign about me all the time.

Take care,
Scott

[Lottie32]

Dear Scott

Do you have to stick with your GP? If she is as useless as she seems, it might be a good idea to change your practice. It doesn't sound like you'll get much help from her. Is there not a doctor on your campus you could enrol with? My GP has been fantastic, and has provided CBT on the NHS, so please persevere with this - there are many more good professionals out there than there are bad!

I have a friend who did Tai Kwon Do, and he says that ALL/ANY martial arts would have the same focusing theraputic effect, as they are all based around the same ethos. So why not try another group. I'm sure your Uni must have some sort of Judo/Ju Jitsu etc club (apologies for spelling).

Have you thought about joining some other clubs where not quite so much interaction is required. Like swimming. Then, if you are having a bad day, but feel like some company, you could say you have an appointment, and just swim 10 lengths, then go home. If you are having a good day, you could join in more, and maybe have a coffee etc. after your swim, with other members of the club. Either way, you get a bit of companionship, but can control the amount of contact you feel able to deal with that day.

Also, have you thought about e-mail pen pals? It's always nice to get a letter or message from somebody, and as you enjoy writing, it might be fun to do a "Letter from America" style composition. You do not have to tell your new friends anything that you don't want to. I have two good friends I have made on the internet, but have chosen not to meet them.

Also check your local drop in centres, yellow pages etc. There are quite often local charitable organisations who offer counselling for free, and who will be manned by adults.

Try not to think that everybody will be the same when you get to know them. Your friend, the mental health nurse may have found it difficult to deal with your issues because she was attached. I can deal with alsorts of things when they don't concern people who I am close to, but don't cope at all well when something happens to those closest to me.

Good luck Scott, and don't give up

p.s. If you discover what "normal" is, maybe you can tell the rest of us!

Charlie

[Meg]

Hi Scott,

Look into changing your doctor. There is no point having a doctor you have no respect or faith in. Sounds like you are at a uni near home - do they have one who visits the campus ? As you say nothing to be lost in emailing the counselling service.

You sound much brighter today ..

Good luck with finding a martial art club or similar.


I understand that you want to feel connected with more people - all I can suggest is that your imagination is way in excess of where most peoples are and what people cannot understand - they get scared of and see as abnormal, when in fact - it's just different.

Be proud of your talents, use them well and let us know when you're in print. Just don't rush to share these thoughts with others so much. They cannot keep up or don't understand. It does get easier as you get older as people have a wider life experience and are more open to different persepectives and visions.

I'm fine thanks - just back from a whizz up to Manchester this morning .

Take care Scott. Let us know how you're doing when you want to.




Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[nlancashire]

one day at a time !

Neal

[Shy_guy21]

Thanks for your response Charlie.

I don't have to stick with my GP really. I've thought about changing doctors even though my parents will wonder why I did it. There is a doctor at uni that I'm allowed to see I think. I'm not sure really. I'll check.

What is CBT?

I'm kind of worried about going to a doctor because I expect I'll be prescribed with drugs and at the end of the day the drugs won't change anything I don't think. It won't remove my problems. Maybe I'm wrong.

I'll look in to some of the martial arts classes. It might be a good idea to go along to some of them.

I'm going to have a look at some of the other groups. Swimming isn't really for me. i feel self-conscious at swimming baths. But there is bound to be something that is worth looking in to. I'll check soon.

I do have e-mail pen pals. I've had a few problems with that although the idea is a good one. usually people stop using the internet so we lose contact. but I've been writing to one girl for 4 years now so that's good. She knows some of my problems. i do write to quite a few people also, due to my campaign work. i campaign to help certain people so i write to them and other people involved in the campaign although that is very work related, not really social chat. I'd like more e-mail pals if anyone's interested.

I think I might conbtact that old friend (the mental health nurse) at some point just to see things from her side. i know that she did use me in many ways - she even sent me her uni assignment once and asked if I could do it for her while she went off abroad on holiday!

If I discover what normal is I will let you know.

Thanks,
Take care,
Scott

[Laurie28]

Hiya Scott,

CBT is Behavioural Therapy to try and change the way you think.
I go every 1/2 weeks and it looks and your thought patterns and what you can do to change these patterns. I am really bad at explaining this stuff you will probably get alot better replies!!

Concerning the drugs
Some people take anti-depressants and such like as it can help break the vicious cycle they are in by giving them relief from some of the symptoms and thoughts that anxiety brings, but you are right it doesn't solve the problem but may help along with CBT.
Others prefer not take take any drugs it is totally your choice go with your gut instinct



Lucky

[Shy_guy21]

Hi Meg,

I'm replying to the messages separately.

There is a doctor on the campus. i live in the town next to where i study so I still live with my parents and travel each day to university. I'll contact the counsellings ervice very shortly. i received a response from the Samaritans so i'll respond to that first.

I do feel brighter now, thanks. I have never been able to discuss my problems with people who understand what i'm going through. I've bottled so much up and although i've told people before they have never understood so I have kept a lot bottled up. I'm glad i found this group. I've been leaving messages on other message boards and it helps so much to know that I'm not the only person who suffers these problems. All my life I've been made to feel different because nobody i knew was like me, but now I feel like I'm not so different after all.

I am proud of my talents. I like using them and it gives me a chance to relax and do something I enjoy. and it's good when people tell me they like my writing. It makes it all worth while. I'm already in print. Have had quite a few printed in magazines - I wrote the introduction for a student magazine for Sheffield. And I have a few articles that will be in print but at the moment are just on the internet - they relate to my campaign work. I'm just trying to get some of my fiction published. I'll be sending off some of my stories soon. i've been concentrating on my non-fiction just recently.

Do you live around the Manchester area? i was there the other week seeing a friend who is originally from there. Glad you're ok.

Thanks for your reply. it really means so much to know people are there.

Take care,
Scott