Hi all
Im sorry ive been neglecting you all, I read every post but have been too wrapped up in myself to post any replies.
Well finally im ready to post a sucess story of my own and its a biggie!!
Brief rundown of my life as a panic nutter for those of you who dont know me
June 2002 - 1st massive panic on holiday with the girls. Ambulance was called, nice paramedics put me to bed after giving me gas and air to shut me up..lol
Friend drove me home, went to bed and I didnt leave my bedroom for 3 weeks. couldnt eat (lost weight - great) smelt bad - not so great. was off work for 6 weeks. Doctor diagnosed panic attacks and put me on SSRI's
August 2002 - back to work very wobbly and panicky but slowly got better.
January 2003 - they closed work down so I was made redundant.
Here kicks in the agoraphobia. Didnt leave the house for about 6 months.
July 2003 - started 10 weeks of CBT. started to leave the house a bit more but still wouldnt go out in the evening, go shopping etc. couldnt face looking for a job.
December 2003 - Agoraphobia again
July 2004 - Offered a job by a good friend i worked with before. I trusted her and she helped me in the past so I took her up on it. It was really hard, spent the first 3 weeks panicking every day and feeling like i was going to pass out (you all know the drill). The longer I did it the better I felt though!!!!
September 2004 - Friend I worked with told me about a new business being set up in London - would be perfect for me if only I could get there - was I interested? Ok so I met with potential new boss for an informal interview ( shaking and quivering the whole way through.)
I was totally honest at the interview told her the WHOLE story and how it affected my daily life...still get panic attacks, frightened of trains/buses/tubes etc. She was great and totally understanding but didnt think i was going to get the job but at least i was honest eh?
October 2004 - I GOT THE JOB!!!! She liked my CV, i came across as someone she could work with, she would help and support me with my panic attacks!!! WOW I accepted the job straight away then bricked it that I couldnt do it especially as it meant travelling into London on thrain/tube every day!
7th February 2005 - Started new job.
Ive been in my new job for a month now. Most of it has been working from home writing policies, procedures and training manuals (yawn..lol)
BUT I have had to 'do lunch' with varoius drug reps to negociate prices and ive gone thorugh them fine (wobbly but no one noticed!!!!). Ive had meetings with my co-workers which has gone good and yesterday I had my 1st meeting in London. Needless to say I was terrified I was going to fail miserably but it was great. Ive worked out how to get to central london by just going on the train and bus and missing out the tube (not ready for tubes yet..lol)
Our new premises arent fully refurbished yet but I went round the 'building site' and had a look at the progress and now im really excited - thats got to be a first for me in a long time!!!!
Best of all 'top shop' is only a 5 minute walk away from work in oxford circus and they are open till 9pm on a thursday...LOL and 'John Lewis is even closer!!!!
I hope none of you have fallen aslepp by now with my rambling but I wanted to post this to firstly affirm to myself how far ive come and also to show you guys that panic isnt necessarily the end of the world. Ive gone from 'life and soul of the party' to complete agoraphobic and slowly the old me is coming back and I like it!
I do still get panic attacks but mainly just anxiety and dizzyness.
Im still on medication (Citalopram) but im hoping to come off later this year when im settled in my new job. I still dont like going out much but its getting better each day. (after yesterdays success im on cloud 9 today and feel i could tackle the world).
Im not 'cured' but im a darn site closer than ive ever been before!
take care all
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution
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