I'm going through a really hard time right now regarding my daughter in law and could really do with some advice as I'm feeling extremely stressed to the point of feeling so ill last night I had to go to the local hospital as I thought I was having a heart attack, although apparently it was just a bad panic attack.
Five months ago today my gorgeous granddaughter was born and my partner and I were over the moon. I've always been extremely careful to not interfere and not be the kind of mother in law that tries to take over and I have bent over backwards to be accommodating and supportive.
Despite my agoraphobia and anxiety I have pushed myself to never say no when my daughter in law wanted me to look after my granddaughter overnight or for long periods during the daytime. Like many people with anxiety I have to make sure I pace myself and therefore if I knew I would be looking after my granddaughter I would have to rearrange my whole routine so that I wouldn't get too stressed out.
On a number of occasions however I've been sitting here waiting for my daughter in law to turn up and she has let me down. Sometimes she has let me know but other times she just makes other arrangements and doesn't even bother to think of letting me know. I wish I could say I don't get very hurt and upset when this kind of thing happens but I always take it very personally and get very upset, although I have never said anything as I hate arguments and confrontation.
Things however came to a head last week when I had been asked a few weeks ago to look after my granddaughter while my daughter in law was going out for a special lunch with her father and sister.
As per usual I planned my day so that I would be organised and able to give my total attention and commitment for that day. My daughter in law phoned me in the morning to say my granddaughter had been sick in the night and I was expecting her to say she wasn't going to go out after all. However she decided that as long as she was still okay at lunchtime she would still go out. At 3pm I got a phone call to say she had decided to not go after all as time had run away with her and she would be going out in the evening instead. I got no apology, nothing. I felt sad, upset and deflated.
Eventually I phoned my son and explained to him how I felt but asked him not to say anything to my daughter in law as I just needed to vent but didn't want things to escalate into anything. However he just went right ahead and told her everything I had said and this has now led to a huge argument and fallout.
I feel devastated. I haven't eaten or slept properly since this happened and alternate between feeling total depression or total panic. I have been round to my son's house to try and break the ice but the atmosphere was so thick that you could have cut it with a knife, so I came back home again.
My daughter in law seems to be telling all and sundry that she cancelled due to my granddaughter being sick and now her whole family think I some horrible selfish person who upset her daughter in law on a day that was already hard for her.
I can't see a way to resolve what has happened although I know I couldn't have gone on forever bottling up resentments. Although I know my son will always keep in touch I am very worried that I won't see my granddaughter now. As my son is my only child this will probably be my only grandchild and it breaks my heart that I won't be part of her life.
Any advice from fellow mother in laws or grandparents would be very welcome. Sorry for the rant, didn't realise how long this post would be.
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Originally Posted by eeyorelover
