Like I imagine most people who get panic attacks, Im avoiding certain places like the plague. I very rarely take to the big outdoors by myself and havent been to even my local high street for about 5 years. I can drive through, but the thought of doing a little shopping or even walking down there fills me to the brim with anxiety. Sucky, to say the least. I use my car as a crutch to travel, about as much as I walk is from my front garden to my car and the same distance from my car to the shop. I start to avoid friends who I havent seen for a small while, declining invites from them has been pretty much standard for me since I started getting social anxiety and panic attacks, they dont bother inviting me out anymore. I'll usually just hear about their exploits later on down the line.

Ive been on the waiting list for CBT for the best part of a couple of years and Im fed up with waiting now. Getting to the GP was a big step for me in the first place, threw away those Seroxat (sp?) that he gave me after only 1 day. Before that Id fooled myself that if I could get to the same few shops enough times I might get better, that was a waste of 3 years, somehow. I wish looking back that I would have known better or have had more courage.

To sum it up, Im pretty much angry, sad to, for my friends, family and for myself for declining myself and others what I should be entitled to. It might seem from this post that Im some crazy on-edge guy, I just feel full of motivation today to take my problem on head first. Something that I havent tried before, I would always back out of arrangements, look for a way out etc.

So my plan is pretty simple. I just want to get out, see some of the places that Ive been avoiding. If I start feeling anxious, getting sweaty, feeling feint, or even if I do pass out, I want to stay out and not go back home. I dont want to travel out in my car, I want to do it all on foot. Pretty much I dont want to give myself a safe haven to escape to when my problems all start to kick in. I want to stay out until they subside, do this every day and a slightly bigger step every day. I want to do this until I can go where I want to, when I want to. The way Im feeling right now is that Im the only one who can help myself. All I need to do is to convince myself that there is nothing to worry about, as long as I dont run home I figure (I hope) that I should see some impovements. So I'll leave my running trainers at home. The biggest thing for me will be that I dont trot back home for the wrong reason, I want to stay out until I am happy with how things have gone.

Im pretty sure that some of you must have tried this before? How did it go for any of you? Any suggestions for whilst I am out and about?