I did it!

[kate]

Well, not such a success today

I got on the later bus, didn't have to be in work until 8.30am and it was quite full. The early bus had about 8 people on it! There is a kind of television screen that shows what's going on upstairs and I was watching that. I saw a bloke lighting up a fag and started feeling anxious that something would kick off. I thought someone would complain then the driver would go and investigate and we would be all locked on the bus, anxiety went into overdrive .

So, I got off the bus. The buses only run every 30 minutes so I was kinda stuck

I set off walking to the shopping center about a 20 minute walk. It was foggy and freezing. I got to the shopping center and another bus was just getting to the stop. I ran and asked if it went by my work and luckily it did!

Paid another £1.50 (so travelling 4 miles to work cost me £3.00 today ) Traffic was awful, bus was packed, but I stayed put. Got to work 15 minutes late I just said that the traffic was bad LOL.

So, a bit of a failure but I still got on another bus and did it in the end!

I'm taking the car tomorrow

Kate

[BasilCat]

Hi Bet, Thanks. That was the best thing I have done in ages. I am not scared of driving as such, just the unreality feeling getting out of hand when I am driving. I just took it steady though and it seemed to work. Kate has done marvellous to get on a bus too, hasnt she. Well done Kate.

Love Shirley
x x x

[kate]

<<<<<<< that's how I'm feeling today!

Kate

[Piglet]

Kate today was still a success hun - you were flexible with your approach and continued on on a different bus. I don't see anything but success in that myself!

Piglet

[kate]

Piglet, I told my son about it all and he said exactly the same as you, don't beat yourself up over it, you still did it!

Suppose it's the old black or white thinking. Because it didn't go 100% well, then I failed.

Not going to dwell on it though

Kate

[BasilCat]

Hi Kate and everyone, Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. Kate, as Piglet said, you were still a success today. You walked for 20 minutes and got on another bus to get to work. Thats success as far as I am concerned. I do understand your Black and White thinking though and I have felt the same way as you. If something hasnt gone 100% right, then I feel I have failed. But I am trying to stop my self from thinking that way and see everything I do as a success, no matter how I feel at the time. And Kate, you never know, probably when you go on the bus again, you will be fine.

I got so I could use buses a year or so ago. But since my relapse I have not tackled them. Perhaps I should try again?

Thinking of you
You are not alone
Love Shirley
x x x

[Piglet]

Aww well mate we are our own worst enemies at times are we not - we have to let go of perfection, or at least our idea of it. It doesn't much matter how we achieve our goal, as they say, 'if you're trying then you're succeeding'.

Well done today - even more of a success in a funny way than yesterday because today was hard but you still did it!!!

Piglet

[alexis]

Well Done Kate, cant remember last time I went on a bus, xxx

[kate]

Shirley, Piglet and Alexis,

Thank you all so much for your kind words

I haven't really pushed my boundaries for a while now, just kind of sat back and did what I felt I could and no more.

Yesterday really took it out of me. The 20 minute walk at 8am probably didn't help I felt very drained last night BUT I still sat and did some NVQ work, did some ironing and a bit of housework. I was in bed for 10pm!

I've got the car today so I'm using it but I know I WILL get back on the bus again

Kate

[Angel64]

Well done !!!!

Christine xx