Getting out more, but it's stressful

[Franz]

I've suffered from social phobia for the past 3 years after being free of it for about 8 years. Last autumn I had a breakdown and have been struggling since then. I spend a large part of every day wanting to cry, with my muscles tense and feeling shivery, and with stomach cramp and headaches.

I've been forcing myself to go out more and on the face of it, I'm not the recluse I used to be. But the battle of controlling my behaviour is so hard, and the strain is really getting to me. I have constant headaches and stomach cramp; my muscles are constantly tense and I feel shivery. It's been 3 months now since I started joining more clubs etc.: I thought if I spent enough time with other people, I'd get used to it and the anxiety would go away. Well, it hasn't, unfortunately. I can cope, but I can't actively enjoy myself, which makes it all seem rather pointless. Meditation helps me, but not quite enough.

The annoying thing is that the constant tension has led to constant general anxiety, so that I can't even relax when I'm on my own any more. It sucks.

Anyway this post is fairly pointless - just wanted to get it off my chest

Thanks,

Francis

[Bill]

Your post fairly pointless??? Oh come on Francis, LOTS of people will relate to what you've said and so it will help Them to realise They're not alone with the same feelings!

Don't be So hard on yourself and instead give yourself more credit! You say you were a recluse but you're now attempting going to clubs which shows you have great strength and courage!!!

Yes I know how much of a strain it is on you But you're Doing and not giving up!

You say you had a breakdown last autumn but that really isn't very long ago and it takes time to regain our confidence.

Don't focus on your negative feelings. Be Proud of yourself for fighting back. Persevere. Give yourself time! Make friends, especially just One who will give you support when you're out.

You'll eventually look forward to going out and having a good time just you used to!

Oh and by the way, I Know you don't believe me.....but one day....you Will! Just stop being so hard on yourself because you're doing Far better than you give yourself credit!!!

[groovygranny]

Hello Francis,

Bill's right you know.

Your post is certainly not pointless - some will read it and relate to it and be encouraged and motivated by it.

A breakdown is a massive trauma to recover from and it may take quite a time. Take each day as it comes with it's ups and downs - tomorrow will come soon enough.

Don't rush yourself or overload yourself by taking on too much at a time - pace yourself rather as a long distance runner does, where they make sure not to expend all their energy in the first few hundred yards of their run.

As you feel your energy levels and confidence grow - then gradually try more things, that way you won't 'burn out' before you've started!

Big hugs

[chalky]

Hi Francis,

From reading your post,I actually think you are doing very well.When you take account of the low point you have come from,your progress is amazing.
It is very easy to get frustrated by set-backs or a percieved lack of progress.
I suspect at the time of your breakdown,you would have grasped the opportunity to have what you have today with both hands.
Never under-estimate how big your problems have been and especialy how hard you are working to overcome them.
Given time,your problems will become much easier to cope with.
You will succeed!!!
Best wishes,
Chalky

[PUGLETMUM]

hi francis, i just wanted to add my support to you, and say that like the others i think you are being too hard on yourself and you are doing brilliantly well i totally relate to you as i also had a 'crisis' (not a major breakdown) around march/april 2007 and it has been a long hard slog to keep doing things when they create so much anxiety/panic. but if you can be more positive about your efforts you will get more out of it - i know its so exhausting and such hard work, but you do have to keep going with it and have hope it will get easier, (three months is not a long time in terms of re-programming your behaviour )- if you believe it will get easier it will and we here on nmp are always here to offer support to you take care, emma

[Richie]

Hi Francis,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
sorry i can't help anymore than just totally agree with the above,
I think as well that you have made tremendous progress and you should be proud of yourself, and not beating yourself up
Keep on going, theres no turning back now !!!!
Love Richie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Franz]

Thanks so much everyone for the kind replies. It's really nice to get some feedback and encouragement and I really appreciate it. I can no longer talk to anyone about all this (parents just get upset, no friends who'd understand)*, and you're all great

* I did have a really good counsellor actually - provided by my workplace health insurance - but my free 8-session course is over. I think I'm going to see her privately now. She didn't cure me but she was the most sympathetic, open-minded and intelligent health professional I've spoken to. Good counsellors I think are worth their weight in gold.