Advice needed re pure o intrusive thought, thanks!

[rozza]

Hey,

Haven't been on this for yonks but appear to have reached a point where I need some advice about thoughts I've been having recently.

In the past I've had depression, pure o OCD and related anxiety, now I'm pretty much fine, I still occasionally have the intrusive thoughts as I did then related to harming others but as I recognise them for what they are they don't bother me. Well, that's what I thought until the past month or so. I'm unsure whether the thoughts I'm having at the moment are OCD but they fit a similar pattern and are causing distress so I've been treating them as such.

Sorry, I'm a one for waffling, here's the crux of the matter!

I met a new man last November who I'm absolutely besotted with and who is besotted with me too (go me!) and everything was going great until, when on a combination of drink and drugs, I appear to have mistaken him for my ex. I can't remember this and obviously it caused a huge row and we split up. We've got back together and everything is going great, he understands I don't have any feelings for my ex anymore (I definitely don't, he treated me pretty badly) and knows how I feel about him. However, over the past few weeks I've been having intrusive thoughts around blurting out my ex's name by mistake, which would obviously split us up, to me the worst possible thing that could happen so fitting with OCD. I've started re-running conversations we've had in my head to check I haven't said anything and am ruminating a lot on this.

Has anybody got any advice? Or suffered similar thoughts? I've tried various things, letting myself think I'm going to say my ex's name when I'm with my boyfriend (obviously I don't) and I'm spending as much time with my new man as I can but the thoughts are still bothering me.

Thanks very much in advance, I've had some good advice from this website in the past.

Rozza

[jill]

Hi Rozza,

Its great to hear that things have been going well for you (well up untill now, but his will pass) and you have a new man, You go girl.

Can you talk to your new man about your fears of blurting out your ex name? remember, we have to take the fear away, you know full well that you will not blurt it out, but its the fear of doing it that fueling your thoughts.

So, if you talk to him and have a laugh and joke about it this may take the fear away, is this possible, can you talk to him? If you can talk to him, ask him if you can say your ex name in front of him, over and over, his may take the fear away too.

Just a thought hun,

you take care

LOVE JILLXX

[rozza]

Thanks for that Jill.

I've considered the idea of talking to him about it but to be honest I don't think I can. He has issues of his own from his childhood that affect his ability to trust and I don't want to make it worse! I know it's OCD and I have spoken to him of my past problems but I know he wouldn't see it so simply. Especially after the incident that caused us to split up previously. I did sort of decide that if the problem hasn't gone in a couple of months or so I'd talk to him about it, but I feel it's a bit of a last resort as I don't want to make him suffer to ease my own suffering if you see what I mean?

Rozza

[Nel]

Just let the thought sit there, don’t fight it and just accept it for what it is – an intrusive thought that means nothing. The content of your thoughts is meaningless, it’s your reaction to them that creates the problem - the mistake you are making is addressing the thought, attempting to enter into logic with it and as long as you do that you will always find a thread of doubt and it will continue to make you anxious.

[rozza]

Thanks Nel,

I suppose my concern is that it has actually happened before (admittedly whilst very drunk). This is why I'm trying to develop some kinds of behavioural experiments to prove to myself it won't happen again. I know it's an intrusive thought and I shouldn't place any importance on it, it's so hard not to though!

It is getting slightly less distressing now, and hopefully will continue to do so.

Thanks for the replies so far.

Rozza

[jill]

Hi Rozza,

Its good to hear that this is getting less distressing now. The thing is, we ALL, say or do things when we are drunk and the next day or even for a few says after we feel sooooo embaressed and the thought of what we have said or did just goes round in our heads, even people who do not suffer anxiety's can be like this.

You know full well, you will not do it again, lesson learnd, YES?
I know its dame hard for you not ot put to much importance on this thought, but the fact that with time, you will learn to understand that this thouhgt was there for a reason, BECAUSE YOU CARE for this man,, you have within you coping skills, know and understand that ANYONE, who did what you did, would feel something, you care for this man, sooo hay, be kind to yourself, if you did not feel anything at all, then that would mean you did'nt care. Thinking like this will help you along, taking the horrible thoughts and replacing with, ITS because I care, it will pass.

I know how hard it can be NOT to worry, but keep working on those thoughts,be kind to yourself, you WILL win in the end.

YOU TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX

[Shell26]

Hi Rozza,

I have had similar thoughts to you. I was due to get married this August but had a little set back but the thoughts I were having was that i was going to say my ex boyfriend's name when we were taking our vows and that really distressed me.

Eventually the thoughts subsided. I told my CBT Therapist about these thoughts and she told me that they are just thoughts and there is no evidence to support them. She told me it would probably be a good idea to let him know about the thoughts but i decided against it. Everybody slips up with names, i know i have done it in past relationships so dont beat yourself up about it just accept the thought and eventually they will subside.

The thought may pop up in my mind every now and again but i just choose to ignore it as i know that on the day of our wedding i will be saying my bf's name and not the ex's as he also treat me pretty badly.

I hope the above helps you a little

[rozza]

Thanks Shell,

It's comforting to know I'm not alone with thoughts like this.

Rozza