NOT AGAIN!

[katiekatie]

Hi Linda

Hope you are feeling better now, I dont have palpitations very often but i have many different symptoms that drive me crazy so I can understand to some extent. Does decaf coffee still have a little caffeine in it?? I think it does, you may want to check as it won't help first thing on an empty tummy.

katiekatie x

[linjane]

Hello everyone,

You are all so kind and helpful - thankyou so much.

I've lost track of what to reply to now....Only just got in from work and also had to see my counsellor at 4.30 today - he said what I expected, because I have had a stressful week no wonder they come and go all the time, not to mention al the built up stress of many years. It so nice to know you all care and have taken time to reply to me.

I know I have to try to stop checking my pulse - MEG - I don't check it in my wrist, its my neck that I always check - and I will, my counsellor told me the same today.

I think they freak me out so much cuz I get them everyday, more or less but I am going to try so hard Tracy, and try to take on board you advice.

I am really busy now, doing dinner and getting kids sorted so probly not even got much time to spend on here today but will try to make up for it soon. I am learning that I have to 'ME' time which I don't get often.

My counsellor will hopefully work through all what has happened and likened when I lost my baby to something like post traumatic stress disorder(just felt a missed beat!) and also said I have avoided dealing with anything that happened to me and if you know my background, thats quite a lot.
Better get on with dinner now, but speak to you all soon, and thanks again.l
Love,
Linda.xx

[Longie]

HI
i too lost a baby was i was 22 wks pregnant so can probably get an insight to how you are feeling,this is also when my anxiety started ,a health anxiety because i feel i had totally lost confidence in my body. every little thing of illness i have a jumped to the worst outcome because that was what happened when we lost the baby, all the hope was gone and we had to say goodbye. my counsellor also thinks i have ptsd or some unresolved grief because my healthy son was born a year later so i think i burried the loss
take care
Longie

[linjane]

Hi Longie,

I know I didn't deal with losing my baby (he was called Cory) and to this day I still want to hold him. I already had two children and at 38 now feel we shouldn't have anymore, but deep down I want another baby, not to replace Cory maybe to fill the gap, if that makes sense.

I also lost my dad when I was 21, my mom whilst pregnant with my first child (I was 27) then both my grand-parents, then Cory and five months later my husband had an affair. My counsellor says I just carried on as normal, didn't react really in any way. I had the odd cry but I don't know how to come to terms with the losses properly. My anxiety has probably been around since I was about 10 (conclusion of my counsellor, recently) because my dad left home and I didn;t see him again till I was 20 and six months later he died, but the missed beats that I get, which totally freak me out started six weeks after losing Cory(so nice to write his name, he did exist) and I have had them ever since. Cory was born/died on 15th May 2002, two weeks before our little boy was one so I have been having them for nearly three years. Thanks for listening,
Take care,
Linda.

[Longie]

Hi Linda
we lostLily in August 1994, she was our first baby and it was a huge shock, it took away the innocence of pregnancy. we have since had 3 healthy children, but none of them are a replacement , i know what you mean , you just want someont to fill your arms, i always feel like somone is missing.
my counsellor has suggested i try bereavement counselling as she feels i have put this on hold as i became pregnant quite soon after as the pregnancy was very worrying. you have had many losses so your grief must be very intense, a year before we lost Lily a good friend of mine died of cancer she was 23, part of my health anxiety is that i have a cancer phobia, i also suffered from pnd,
people tend not to like talking about Lily, i think they think im alright now because i have other kids
sorry to ramble but even after 10 years the pain is still there
take care linda and remember the grieving process does take a lon time
Longie xx

[linjane]

Hi Longie,

You are right, the grieving process does take a long time and realistically you probably never get over it, I just wish I had grieved more at the time. Like you, I 'got on with things' when we lost Cory. We had two other children to think about and it was just coming up to our sons first birthday so I just plodded on. We were also running a pub at the time so that was another means of escape.

I am so happy for you that you went on to have three more children and like you said, none of them replace Lily she will always be part of your family as Cory will always be part of ours.

If you ever want to talk about Lily to me I am quite happy to listen.
I like to think that Cory is with my mom and other family in heaven especially as my mom never got to see my two children on earth,maybe Cory was for her. That sounded a bit deep, sorry, I'm not even that religious, but I do try to hold on to that thought.
Take care,
Love,
Linda.xx

[lisarose]

Hi Linda,

Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time with these horrible ectopic beats, i know how you feel. Mine, even now seem to stop me in my tracks but at other times I can ignore them. I also check my pulse alot so you are not on your own there!! You have been through such an emotional rollercoaster with everything whats happened to you and I really feel for you, infact reading your post and Longies post got me quite emotional, i have never expereinced what you have and can't even begin to know what it feel like to lose a baby but I think you have coped amazingly, it makes my problems seem so trivial. If ever you want to talk, just send me an email or a PM.
Keep your chin up babe and with everyone's help here you will get through this. Do the ectopic beats ever make you feel a bit lightheaded or dizzy as mine do sometimes, not all the time but it worries me still.
Take care
Love Lisaxx

[linjane]

Hi Lisa,
Thanks for your kind words.

How are you feeling now? I can't say my ectopics make me feel dizzy, but maybe sometimes a bit light-headed but like you said they just scare you, especially when you get some that feel 'stronger' than others.
I really hate them but know I need to learn to deal with them better and listening to you and Tracy should help me!
Take care, speak to you soon,
Love,
Linda.xx