needing a wee bit of advice

[mumof4]

dont really know where to start, i have suffered panic attacks since i was 11 im now 29 i also suffer with emetophobia,

right know im really bad yesterday was my worst i had panic attack affter attack today i dont feel any better, i am also findiong it really hard to laeve the house again, i did get beter a while back and stoped coming here untill recentaly dont know how i have gotten worse again i broke up with my parther last march but we got back together again but didnt stay together untill xmas when his mum threw him out so i took him back inn and from then i feel worse i thought he would support me and he does but yesterday i came home from picking the kids up at school and i walked in and he was looking at porn on the web and when i confonted him he said well u never give me it. which i dont much as i dont feel up to it.

he lost his driving licence in 2007 due to drink driving and his ban was up in jan this year but he still took his car without a licence and today he has been aressted due to driving while disqulified im so angry at him as i kept telling him not to drive the car but he wouldnt listen and now he has to spend the night in jail and court tomorrow,

my dad thinks he will never change and that i should put him out as he belivese he is making me worse and when we didnt live togther i wasnt like this.

i know you cant tell me what to do but i would just love some advice please sitting here shaking and in tears.

[Paulos]

Kick him to the curb, it's all about respect for yourself not for him. Regarding your anxiety do you know how and where it originated from, like how it begun? It seems to have gotten worse due to stress you have but would you have the anxiety now if you did NOT have those stresses from your husband?

[mumof4]

started when i was young really young bad things happened to me when i was a child tried councelling didnt work. the doctor is trying to get me a cpn. hopefully that will work.

[Lilith1980]

Hi Taylor

I wouldnt like to tell you what to do with your life but this guy doesn't sound like he is good for you and it seems like he is making your anxiety worse.

Does he work hun? How is he with the kids? Does he support you with your anxiety?

Have you talked to him? Do you think he would be willing to change and support you more?

You have to come first in this situation, together with your kids hun. I think maybe you need to have a think about where you see this relationship going

Jo xxxxx

[mumof4]

he does work part time 3 hours a day says he dosnt have to work anymore than that. he plays golf 6 times a week, he is good with the kids he aint a bad dad.

he does support me with my panics and he does help me. but i feel if he wasnt here then i wouldnt have these attacks right now,

its just not the stuff he has done today i have to forgive him about we split up last march cause he would binge drink then the night i left him he stranged me.

he dosnt take the blame for nothing,

i get blamed cause i sold the house cause i split up with him i took him back cause he told me he had changed and wouldnt drink again but as soon as he moved in woth me he did start to drink not many 9 beers a week.

its like he cant change and what he did yesterday and today has confirmed that.

[jill]

Hi Taylor

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through hun, my heart goes out to you.

You have had some great replies allready

Like it has allready been said, we can't tell you what you should do.

**he does support me with my panics and he does help me. but i feel if he wasnt here then i wouldnt have these attacks right now**

Hun, is this YOU, talking or Mrs anxiety, please try dame hard to stand back on this problem. Making life changing things is hard at the best of times, but when Mrs anxiety is present, ITS DAME HARDER, she is there, showing us all the negatives.

Try, writting down all the positive things you and hubby have going and all the negaitve things. You say he supports you with your panic, please leave this out, remember you are trying to think of how your relationship is without bringing panic into it, just your everyday stuff.

Can you talk to him, ask him outright, if this is where he wants to be? (WITH YOU) can you tell him how he is making you feel. We all know that are anxiety comes from us, BUT, if you are in a relationship thats a battle everyday and you feel that no matter what you say or do, is your fault and the person does not take blame for nothing, ohhh boy, Mrs anxiety will love this, YOU WILL FEEL TRAPPED.

Hun, you have to find positive pathways forward on this. Is your dad right? you, youself said, I would not have pa's, if he was not hear. write, your positive and negatives, see, if this relationship is worth fighting for.

There is a saying..

Relationships are like glass
sometimes its better to leave them broken
than to hurt yourself trying to put them back together.

I had a major prob with my hubby a few years ago, ohhh boy, it turned my life upside down, BUT, we BOTH wanted to work at it, WE BOTH new things had to change. A relationship when in trouble, HAS TO to worked on form BOTH sides, if only one is working dame hard to fix things, then it will not work. Ohhhh it took a very, very, long time, we are still together

I do really feel for you on this hun, I know how dame hard it can be, but please, look for positive pathways, no matter what you choose to do, its a must.

YOU TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX

[mumof4]

tks for ur reply he is a very hard person to talk to when i started getting worse i told him he would be better of without me but he said he wanted to be with me,

i have gave him so many chances over the past few years yet he never changes for more than a week.

he says he will but always goes back to it and when i try to argue with him i just get insualts flung at me,

i have got to tomorrow untill he comes out the jail to decide what i want just dont want to go and confuse the kids anymore dont want to upset them.

[jill]

Hi Taylor

How are you?

I know how hard it is for you right now, but I hope you find peace of mind no matter what you decide to do

Thinking of you

LOVE JILLXXX

[mumof4]

tks for asking when he got out we had a big chat and i have decided to give him another chance we have been together 11 years and have 3 kids got to think of them but he knows he is on his last legs,

i am also feeling much better even went out today and bought myself new clothes havent been out in ages.

fingers crossed hope he learns

[jill]

Hi Taylor

Its good to hear you feeling better, thats GREAT news. WELL DONE.

What I would say hun, IS, keep talking to him, if he messes a little, just tell him you don't want to argue about it, just NEED to address the problem, remember change takes time and it also may take alot of encouragement from YOU. You may find YOU have to show him the way things are supposed to be.

I would also say, try and NOT to argue, shout, ohhh boy, this can be dame hard not to do at times, but what I have found is, if I stay calm, focust on what I am trying to achieve, listen to hubby, talk with an understanding tone, ohh boy, this helps sooo much, but it does not work over night, it takes time. I have found, shouting arguing, gets me no where Trying to understand each other, is the key, BUT DAME HARD.

I am really HAPPY for you hun, I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLCCC