feel so alone

[aarcal]

Things are really coming to a head lately and dont know where to turn, last year i went to dr and she said i have mild agrophobia, doesnt feel mild to me as everday is a struggle but would say i am better than i used to be.

I have a fear of going out but i find once i am out it isnt as bad as i make it out to be, i am fine if someone is with me, normally feel safest when hubby is with me.

Been feeling awful since saturday, hubby suggested i go into aberdeen for a days shopping, taken our eldest son with me and to go in on the bus, was really getting worked up about it but managed it, felt myself getting panicky though while there but kept going.

The thing that freaked me out was when we were at the bus station and a gut approached us begging for money as he wanted money for a b and b for the night, i felt very uneasy and gave him some loose change to get rid of him, told hubby and he said i should have said no, well what if he was on drugs etc all right for him but he wasnt with me.

Been on edge ever since and feel quite scared, went out for a walk today but only cause i had to.

My life is also a complete mess, house could be tidier, i could be doing more with the kids, im not exercising, im eating rubbish and feel my life is going nowhere, dont have anyone really to turn to, did go to cbt last year which helped but dont want to go again.

sorry for the rant, just wanted to offload really

i have no friends, just feel so alone.

susie

[chalky]

Hi Susie,

When you joined this Forum,you signed up to a group of people who understand and empathize with you.You joined a group of people who care about you.
There is an on-going Thread running which is full of people with agorophobia-people who are encouraging each other to face their faces.Join in,work with them,amaze yourself at what you will accomplish.
Having low self-esteem is very common amongst us.
You are a sick person trying to get well NOT a bad person trying to get good.
Come in the Chat room and make friends-it is easy here.

Best wishes,
Chalky

[aarcal]

thanks chalky, i need to get myself sorted as i cant go on feeling like this, new day tomorrow so will see how i can improve on things

[sandbanks]

Hi Susie
It Horrible When U Feel Like That, Sound Like Your Having A Bit Of A Rubbish Time At The Moment, But U Will Feel Better Hon , Just Having Bad Few Days. You Have Lots Of People To Talk To Here. And Your Not Alone.
Pm If Your Would Like To Chat
Sandy

[jill]

Hi hun

There is no need to feel alone, we are all your friends we understand what you are going though.

First I would like to say, WELL DONE in going out, feeling the fear and doing it anyway, thats great hun, you should be soooo proud of yourself. When we are trying to recovery, WE MUST look for all the positives thats going on and this is DEFO a positive, your doing GREAT

I know you may feel what I am about to say is a small thing, but changing the small things helps us move on a little.

You say you had a panicky feeling, please and try and change this way of thinking hun, by using words like this, these type of words relate to panic and may fuel your anxiety. Please try and understand, that anxiety symptoms, DO NOT always lead to panic.

I was tought to label my panic, anxiety, 10 being full blown panic, 1 being normal and anything inbetween were levels of anxiety, depending on how bad they were. By doing this, it helped me understand, that my levels of anxiety went up and down, depending on what I was thinking. I would ALWAYS prase myself when it did not hit 10 (panic) this helped me move on a lttle.

Hun, when the homeless man who approached you, remember, your levels of anxiety are allready at a higher level, so when he approached, Mrs anxiety spoke AND as allways, she never has anything AT ALL positive to say, she gave you negatives, these negatives fueled your ax, you felt worse, so you gave him the money to get rid of him.

If something like this happend to me, I would go over my thoughts, think what positive pathways I could of chosen to think, eg, ohh dear, I'd hate to be homeless, it must be sooo hard for him, feel sorry mode or, or I am sooo lucky to have a home to go too.

Changing the way we think, is not easy, it takes alot of hard work, time and support, this site is a great place to be, cos, we all care on here you find friends on here.

Hun, changing the little things help us move on a little.

YOU TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLLXXX

[DeniseB]

Hi Aarcal,

If I go back a few years it could be me speaking! I felt so lonley even though I had my partner and some other people nearby that I could talk to I still felt so isolated at times x

Mild agraphobia was diagnosed - and like you I thought MILD - do you know how this feels!?! You are doing all the right things. I to (and still do!) feel anxious about doing things but when I do them don't feel as bad as I thought I would and also felt a bit freaked out when things unexpexted happened!

It does get better! Just keep challenging your feelings with the knowledge that when you do it it is never as bad as you thought it might be. If you want to chat please feel free to mail me, it sounds like we have very similar symptoms! My partner is also someone I feel safe with (and i fell I somtimes rely on him to much - sometimes without him knowing!!) But well done for your trip to Aberdeen - you did it!! And we all feel we could be doing things better (my house is a mess till I get the chance to tidy - I always think I could be doing more with the kids - us mothers take the weight of the world on our shoulders!!)

Take heed of the information you can get on NMP and visit the chat room everyone is so friendly and knows how you feel x

Take care

Denise

[emlou71]

Hi Susie, reading your thread I can really relate to you. I suffer from social anxiety and have recently been having anxiety attacks. I only feel comfortable when i'm in my routine: walk my 2 boys to school, clean up, visit my mum, go to corner shop, take my daughter to nursery and then pick them all up later. If anything different happens it freaks me out and I panic. If I have doctors or hospital appointments I will never go alone, I always want my oh to go with me.I used to drive but suddenly I stopped doing that as I just don't have the confidence to drive anymore. Do you work Susie? I am supposed to be looking for a job when my daughter starts school in September and I am starting to panic over that already. I can't imagine having to go for an interview or even getting there but I have no choice but to go back to work. I hate feeling like this. private message me at any time, I am always willing to talk. xxx

[aarcal]

hi thanks for replys

i do try and do positives, but must be going through a bad spell at the moment as i feel awful.

thanks for the advice, has made me feel a bitty better, just great to get it off my chest as i find it really hard explaining how i feel to those close to me.

i dont work but have promised myself i will aim to go back to college when my 2 year old goes to school, bit away i know but something to aim for.

susie

[Bill]

I think being home on our own must be one of the worst feelings we can experience and it's something I can truly empathise with.

So often in the past I've felt alone.

I remember talking to a woman who had young children and she asked if we had any. I said no and immediately I sensed that if we had, we would have created a circle of friends who were in the same position. I rather envied this mother because I felt she would have a better chance of making friends. Maybe I was wrong in envying her because mothers can also feel alone as you are. It's still very sad though that Anyone can feel alone.