Monophobia / fear of being alone

[PUGLETMUM]

hi janey, i know its not the same, but please have lots of hugs from me. i do know how you feel, because i lost my mum in 1993 and i think its played a massive part in my inability to cope with myself like i used to. i am also like you in that my husband can do very little without me - they really do care dont they? its only fair they get frustrated sometimes. i did have this mono thingie years ago and got over it, so i do know i can now again, but its facing it that matters. you said your in touch with the phobics society? that is great! i got my self help programme from NOPANIC that i refer to, which clearly states that this phobia of ours is a 'paper tiger!' - i find that helps because sometimes it is all consuming isnt it? and you reallly lose reality at times, thinking that if you panic alone you wont survive? but its sooooo not true - we just have to reverse this belief! and it can be done. you give yourself time janey with what you are going through with your loss? my thoughts are with you

[janey50]

Emma, thanks so much. i feel like a complete wreck today having caused a terrible scene with my husband this morning, shaking and losing control just out of fear of him going to work. He didn't start till 2pm so there was all the morning to look forward to him going...I just have to knuckle down and get on with it somehow but when he's here I so just want to hang onto him and that'll be what drives him away. Anyway, thanks for your great understanding.love, Janeyxx

[joy]

Poor ol you. Its the worst blow for most people using their Mums let alone with anxiety!! I lost my Mum almost 3 years ago and still ache for a hug from her and to get the giggles like we used to. She was my Mum and my best friend.
Janey have you told the shrink how bad you feel or are you like the rest of us and bottle out of telling how bad you really are ???

you cant really go on like this can you?Or can hubby! Its no life for either of you

Love joy

[est]

dear janey
i can totally and utterly sympathise with your issues i am agoraphobic and monophobic my husband works from home if he goes out my mum who live around the corner comes over but she is getting older and i worry what shall happen when she is gone.
please feel free to contact me any time we have such similar issues
take care
estelle (est)x

[PUGLETMUM]

janey, you must not tell yourself that your husband will leave you - you can get over this with a bit more help form here, us sufferers of monophobia can help each other? if you tell yourself he will leave you you will get so low you wont want to tackle your panic? lean on us? today i have been alone and my husband went to work but i succumbed to my anx and rang my mother-in-law - this temporarily helps but then i feel really bad and as though ive let myself down because i know deep down that even if i hadnt rang her nothing bad would have happened - its just taking the chance to have a panic alone isnt it, without being able to get help? lets support one another through this take care guys, emma

[seleana]

Sometimes I feel this way too and it brings on my panic attacks.

[LauraJF]

hello Janey,

I'm sorry about your Mother.

I have the same problem with being alone. I've been dating a golfer for 10 years. I have a hard time on Sundays when he's golfing for a full day with his phone off. I'm usually ok for about 2 hours but I tend to panic after that. I find it exhausting. The anticipation is the worst. I usually settle down once he leaves if he'll be back soon and I'm ok if he's working because I know where he is and he answers the phone while he's there. I think it's the most difficult because my neighborhood is deserted in the Summer while everyone is off having fun and I'm sitting at home without any human sounds in the neighborhood besides an ocassional vehicle.

I hope we can find some relief for this awful phobia.

[PUGLETMUM]

i know we can - just using the same principles as tackling all other phobias i have suffered with most aspects of anxiety disorders and this for me is by far the worst - to have to rely on others the way we do and to lose that self-respect to do that is heartbreaking but i am 100% determined that i cannot go on like this!!!!! im so angry with it that i am determined to beat its ass!!!

[janey50]

im so angry with it that i am determined to beat its ass!!!

Yeah, Emma! That's the spirit! God it's great to hear from other people who know what this feels like. I get so freaked out at the moment when my husband is not here - total sense of unreality. i could just as well be in the moon. I try to get 'grounded' by gardening but my mind whirls away just the same. Any tips v welcome! I can't imagine living the rest of my life like this and I WANT so much to get back to some kind of normal functioning... Keep the support coming - mine to all of you brave folks too. Janeyx

[PUGLETMUM]

hi janey/all, yes it is good to know we arent alone isnt it? i never ever thought this phobia could do this to you, but it can really destroy you i think?

so anyway, good news to give you hope, yesterday my husband was going to be tied up with work from about 1pm till roughly 4pm because he had a boss and a new boss coming to talk work stuff, so obviously he didnt really want me to pester him on the phone anyway i didnt really speak to him till 4.30ish - he had rang my mobile but where i was i had no signal anyway i didnt ring the mil(motherinlaw) and i was really anxious but i was okay im still anxious today too but determined to go it alone i cannot do this to myself anymore

im waiting for my mindfulness cd and book to come so im hoping practising that will also take me over the last hurdle, which is to panic alone and cope but the only way im doing it at the moment janey is to just tell myself i can cope, i havent always been like this and it also has to 'hurt', it wont happen if i feel no anxiety/panic, because im dropping the crutches and thats when the panic may happen or at least ill feel anxious because obviously our minds think its the contact with others that stops and attack, so as soon as we try to do this one usually starts - but its what you say to yourself that makes the difference - its just gettign that little bit of confidence to take the chance? i think anyway - but also until my depression lifted i just couldnt cope with it anyway. i took no meds, but just started going to the gym more and made sure i walked the dogs briskly everyday, plus i kept reminding myself that it wasnt a permanent state and id been here before - so when that lifted i was prepared to take IT on, because i felt i could cope - and you can too!!!!! well help each other through it? take care, emma