Overcoming Your Social Anxiety

[mico]

Hello People

Over the past few weeks I've been getting really wound up with all this stuff. Then a strange thing happened. I seemed to get so angry, that my anger has began to turn into motivation and positivity.

So, I thought this would be an oppurtunity for a sequel to the 'Your Social Anxiety' thread that I created. Your Social Anxiety

That one was created with the intention of discovering what exactly social anxiety is, what it means to you, and in turn create more awareness of the specific issues that you need to be dealing with.

I've been posting on message boards like a demon these past few weeks (not just this one), which has been firing up my spark and enthusiasm more and more. Now I feel it has just about come to a head and my anger and frustrations are ready to explode and take the final plunge into an enthusiasm for recovery. For some bizzare reason I've felt the need to make one final thread, as if to complete the transition from that of anger to a state of mind in which lies the recovery process.

This thread may well not work at all (I'm not even quite sure how it is meant to work!), but with some luck it may just prove helpful. Since I'm ready for doing something about this, I thought I would make the effort to do so as best as possible.

The general (using that word very loosely) idea of this thread is intended to encourage a few people to take part in the recovery process and in turn encourage each other. I think by starting this in one thread, we can maybe, just maybe, feel more committed to the whole process, thus in turn adding extra enthusiasm and motivation.

Anyone care to join me?

No rules, just post whatever you think is useful!




mico



I can see this one fizzling out before it even starts, but don't say I never tried.

[Karen]

Hi Mico

I think this is a good idea. I've had social phobia since about the age of 12 and have become increasingly isolated over the years to the point where I now spend most of my time alone as I avoid socialising, apart from with one good friend.

My problem involves being in any situation with people I don't know, but I think the main difficulty I have is with speaking with people and this is the area I am trying to concentrate on challenging at present.

Some of you might now that Meg kindly started off helping me with this. I am now trying to gradually increase the people I do talk to and have also spoken to Nicola and Sal a few times now.

I find the problem is that I have become so used to relying on the internet and email to communicate that it is often really difficult to get motivated to challenge my fear of speaking. The therapist I saw last year told me that I had become too clever at finding ways to run my life whilst remaining in what she called my "silent world" which simply makes it more difficult to change.

Anyway, I am not sure how this thread will work either but perhaps some mutual encouragement would help with anyone that wants to get involved.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[mico]

Welcome aboard Karen

One of my worst points too is speaking (although I guess this is the theme for most people with SA). So I can relate to you on that one.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I find the problem is that I have become so used to relying on the internet and email to communicate that it is often really difficult to get motivated to challenge my fear of speaking. The therapist I saw last year told me that I had become too clever at finding ways to run my life whilst remaining in what she called my "silent world" which simply makes it more difficult to change.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

There is a lot to be said of the internet. For all the good that it brings, there is also a lot of bad. I know exactly what you mean, although I may not have this as bad as you, I can, and do, rely on the internet more so than I should. For example, if I want to find out details about something, rather than just pick up the phone and call, I will be straight on the internet finding out what I can. Or if I'm going somewhere, and I'm not quite sure what I'm meant to be doing, rather than ask when I get there (which is what most people would do) I will be on the internet finding out all the details. Rather than walking around city centres looking at shops for something I want, I'll be on the internet and find it on there, then I know exactly which shop I need to go to. And the internet being as useful as it is, it'll probably find me a carpark right next to that shop!

I too know that all this isn't doing me any good. Even just sitting here browsing these forums, although they are very useful and have helped me a lot, sometimes I could do it a little less. It's far too easy to just sit in front of the computer all day and do pretty much nothing. And this is time in which I could be improving myself. I know for a fact that I will feel much better spending a day away from the computer than I will when sitting here. At the end of the day, I will feel more confident and satisfied if I have kept myself busy and away from the computer.

Going back to your point about relying on the internet (or more broadly, written communication). I remember a time a couple of years back when I was looking for a job. Now, usually when I do this, I look for all the ones that ask for a CV. This way you just mail it off and there's no speaking involved (until the interview of course, but one step at a time). Then, I decided to pick up the phone and call one. Was a little nervous, but all in all, wasn't too bad. So I called another. Then, all of a sudden, the realisation hit me, that this was far easier than sending out a CV and waiting weeks for them to get back to you. A couple of minutes on the phone and you have a good idea of what they're looking for, how many applicants they've had, when your interview is, and a small idea of your chances. And in turn, it puts much of your thoughts at rest instead of having all this info left out when sending a CV and not speaking to anyone, thus waiting over a period of weeks to find out about this information. So, I called loads! And after the first few it became relatively easy. Granted, this was a couple of years ago, and if I were to do that again now I'd still feel a little nervous. But that just stresses the importance of keeping up the practice. And now I know I can do it.

I'm glad you're challenging yourself with this though. Maybe you should just try a little everyday. Or maybe even write out a timetable for yourself, only allowing yourself to use the internet at certain times of the day. I know you're using it for specific purposes and such, but just by spendning time away from it can make you feel a whole load better. I know from your other posts too, that you have reason to keep checking the internet, which is a tricky one, but maybe

[maxine]

Just adding my two cents worth into this as most of you know i have a real issue with people, i'm not a fan!
I'm going out now which is a vast improvement on how i was a few months ago but i am still very nervous talking to new people , however i have in the last few weeks been forcing myself into having conversations with random people in the park, and yes at first it was a very surreal experience for me but the fact is that the more i was speaking to people the easier it has become.
As for the internet it's not all bad in fact, if anything, for me having the freedom to converse with new people online has made me realise that i can comunicate better than i thought i could(granted my
spelling sucks) but i have grown in confidence in my own capablities this is going to sound really silly but before i started chatting to various people online i didn't think i could make new friends,i was wrong infact some of the people i chat to(you know who you are!) drive me nuts now just like real life friends would

My point being that the internet has helped me build my confidence which in turn is reflected in my general life.

Sorry to ramble on a bit there.....must be mico's influence

Maxine x

[mili]

[8D]i work full time in our local shop which i have done for the past 25years,but since my phobias and panic attacksi seem to go to work and clean and fill the shop shelves rather than work on the tills as this involves facing customers and speaking to them i can just about face this challenge but not for to long .yet i can talk to customers on the shop floor but hardly a lot at the tills its as if you are on a stage and they are looking at me.this is one of my phobias any answers?