Not happy

[tattybear]

Hi guys

just wanted to rant a bit really.........im really worried about my relationship with my fiance (we live together). Becasue i have my panic attacks and suffer deeeply from anxiety at the mo i cant go out places together like we used to. It was someones wedding today but we didnt go (only he went to the wedding). I feel selfish as we cant do things.

Hes said he was feeling down which has made me feel guilty because its me doing this.

I think im gonna loose him as i cant do couply things togeherand this is really gettin me down.

He says hes nothing without me but i cant help thinking im holdin him back and if i wernt here he'd be able to go out and do things....

Its so hard knowing that i am now causing him to lose his life too

Tatty B xx

[nomorepanic]

Tatty

This is a hard one and I know how you feel.

Alex asked me last week if I could possibly go on a train so we could go to London to the TRIC do. I just said "No" straight off and I know that it is hard for him cos I stop us doing things.

He is so lovely though and bears with me through it.

Have you asked him how he feels etc.

Of course the other thing to do is to try and get you better and get you the confidence back to get out and do some stuff with him.

Tackling the problems now can only lead on to better things for you in the future.

I am sure you can work through it together and if he truly loves you then he will stick by you.

Nicola

[Tracy68]

Hi Tatty
Your fiance is with you because he loves you and wants to be there.
My John suffers with SA and sometimes he's the same, doesn't want to go places or meet up with friends, and says that he feels guilty because I seem to missing out but I would never leave him, I love him too much. I knew John suffered with this when i met him so i knew what i getting into so to speak. Was you suffering with these attacks before you met your fiance?
Try having a talk and i'm sure things will get better.
Take care
Tracy
x

[sal]

Hi Tatty

Please dont feel you are holding him back, he knows you arent too good at the moment and are restricted in what you can do by going out together.

He says he loves you and obviously does and will hurt him that you are suffering so much. I dont think you will drive him away at all and he will carry on helping you as much as he has already.

Why not cook him a nice meal this week and spend a nice quiet evening together and have a nice chat.

Take care.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[katiekatie]

Hi Tattyb

He loves you and has stayed with you so far, he won't suddenley get fed up. In the most perfect of relationships, partners will be peed off with the other for some reason or another from time to time, it is human nature, he's just having a bad day today, try not to worry.

Make an action plan of small steps that he can help you with, in the aim of building up to doing the bigger things, I don't know what your limitations are at the moment, but explain to him that you need to feel safe, that he won't leave you alone when you are out, that if you want to go you can and he will go with you and not be upset or peeved, let him know how he can help and make you feel comfortable to take more steps. People often don't realise that half of the stress of going somewhere is not being able to leave when needed, having to make excuses? Will they be angry if I flip out? WIll they refuse to leave with me? THese all add to my stress. Let him know the more comfortable he can help you be the more steps you can make.Don't push yourself too much but If he sees that you are making an effort he will not be able to peeved at you. If you can have a trip out that goes well you will feel better about trying again and again, even if it is only to the end of your drive on the first go.

You can do couply things at home!!! So dont feel bad.

Weddings are emotional times, he has come back emotional, NORMAL.

I really know how you feel on this one, I don't live with my boyf but we plan to this year, he lives round the corner from me but is at mine every evening. I do worry about losing him too, you reassured me and know i'm saying it back, If they can put up with our funny ways for even a week they must really love us. Are you getting counselling?

Remind him that you are NOT going to give in to this and you WILL get better.

Don't worry hun
katiekatie x

[dizzyd]

I know how you feel Tatty. We were supposed to be having friends round to dinner this evening and then we had been invited out for dinner tomorrow. Both engagements were cancelled this morning as I have been feeling particularly spaced out and giddy today and I worried that I would be pre-occupied with how I felt and spoil the occasions. My husband just accepts that this is part of the 'me' package- just like a physical illness that would take time and patience to heal. Freedom is a wonderful thing - I long to soar again - Like the Eagle - but birds with broken wings have to learn to fly again and so do we. (That was a bit philisophical wasn't it? ) Just remember don't shut him out include him in your feelings - listen to his - talk, talk and talk.

[seh1980]

hi Tatty,

I also know how you feel. I live with my bfriend and I often stop us from doing things. All you can do is try your best to get better and talk to him about how you are feeling so that he always understands..

Sarah

[tattybear]

Thanks guys...

what youve all said makes a lot of sense.

We do talk buty I think he finds it hard to tell me how hard hes finding it as he doesnt want to upset me...but ive told him its best for both of us to chat openly about it - that way we both know where we stand.

I wasnt like this when we met - we've been together 6 years now, its only in the past 8 - 9 months ive been like this.

I dont want it to beat me I am seeing my doctor this week to sort out about starting anxiety managment courses.

Ive suggeste that my boyf and i go out one evening this week - like to the cinema...we've got one near us that we can park near and that is quite quiet...but I will see....if not I mite suggest we just take a drive somewhere nearby and go for a walk near the river or somthing..just so we are able to be with each other.

I can so understand how hard it must be for our partners to put up with us!!!!!!! I think they deserve a medal!

But its true...if they didnt love us and think we wre special......they wouldve gone a long time ago and not put up with the crap we deal them with!!

Hope your all having a good weekend and thanks for all your support

Tatty B xx

[kate]

Hi Tatty,

Know exactly what you mean, I let my hubby down all the time. What hurts me the most though is that I let my kids down as well, and have done for all of their lives really.

The guilt is horrible, I constantly beat myself up over the things that we have missed out on.

Kate x

[Tracy68]

Hi Tatty
How you feeling? Hope today is a better day for you.
Take care
Tracy
x