emotional abuse and anxiety

[emlou71]

I suffer from social anxiety, have done since being a little girl. I started having anxiety attacks a couple of years ago and can get extremely paranoid and always feel the need to please everybody, even though sometimes the other people are in the wrong. I am having problems with my mother at the moment, well its been forever really. She has belittled me all my life and makes me feel guilty for everything I do. I am 36 now with 3 children of my own and yet she can still make me feel like this. I was just wondering if any of you thought that my anxiety and paranoia has been caused because of the emotional abuse I am suffering. I haven't really thought of it as emotional abuse up until now but I have even thought about taking my own life because of how she can make me feel. The pain I am feeling at the moment is unbearable and I am constantly crying and this isn't right in front of my children or partner. My partner says she is a bully and he won't visit her with me at all now. Can anybody offer me any advice, thank you

[yorkylover]

I suffer from social anxiety and have done since I was little and at school.And can also relate to the haveing to please everybody.Im 41 and still live with my parents,but I have a partner of 25 years.I still feel like a kid at times by the way Im treated,like dont be late to bed ect!! Have you seen a gp about how you feel,you may need to see someone just to talk it through.I have had counselling and it does help.

Just remember you are your own person and you have your own family now,Live life how you want to.Your partner probably gets frustrated at your mother because of the upset it causes you.

If you have thought of taking your own life I really think you need to see your gp,they are there to help sweety.

And we are all here to help and support you.

[Lilith1980]

Hi Emlou

Yes I definitely think that your anxiety is linked to the emotional abuse you have/are suffering.

I was emotionally abused by a few of my ex boyfriends, and I have ended up with low self esteem, wanting to please everybody and basically thinking I am a bad person.

I agree with Ellen, I think you should speak to your GP about seeing a counsellor, especially as you have thought of taking your own life. I can understand your partner not wanting to go and see your Mother with you, but could he not go just to give you some support rather than you having to face her on your own? Could someone else go with you?

Jo xxxxx

[emlou71]

Thanks for your replies. My partner won't go with me because he just hates to go round there, I normally take our children with me but even they don't like to go! Even though i'm 36 I really feel I could do with some support and maybe have someone to stick up for me for a change. My dad doesn't support me in any way even though she's in the wrong. He just stays quiet for an easy life. I'm starting to feel a bit calmer now and realise that I can't carry on living my life like this - I am gonna try not to go round anymore, not fair on my dad though really.

[Lilith1980]

Are your parents mobile?

Can your Dad not come round and see you hun? Although I would probably avoid letting your Mum come and see you as it wouldnt be so easy to ask her to leave, whereas if you go and see her at least YOU have the option of when to go.

I think it might be a good idea not to see your Mum for a while, to give you some time out from it and to organise some therapy.

How often do you normally see her? If she rings then just make an excuse like you are ill at the moment and your husband is looking after the kids or something, as I guess you wouldnt want her coming round?

I'm sorry its such an awkward situation for you hun, I hope your GP can refer you onto someone.

Jo xxxxx

[freakedout]

Hi emlou

Oh I really do feel for you. It is no wonder you have issues if your mum has belittled you for such a long time.

There is a book called My mother My Self, by Nancy Friday. It goes into quite a bit of detail of how our mothers have an impact on us. I never finished it, it got a bit deep towards the end, but read about three quarters of it and it was fascinating.

I am lucky that my mother didnt belittle me, she was always pretty supportive, but then she had a personality change when she split up with my dad. It has left me feeling really confused and hurt. I think it is extremely difficult to raise our issues with our mum's because when we are anxious to start with, we worry - obviously!! and we dont want to upset them by complaining or whatever. I have a fantastic friend who I can share my mother issues with and that gives me the chance to get it out of my system every now and again.

I hope that whatever you decide to do that you begin to feel better about it soon.

Take Care
Freaky

[richieshealth]

Hi, I read your thread, I would not like to guess if it's emotional abuse. I think the word "ABUSE" is tossed around far to easy. Putting others before yourself and trying to please - could simply be your nature or just feeling sorry for yourself - no more, BUT BIG BUT at 36 yrs old, it's not right to be so concerned about you mothers opinion that much, without some form of bullying "not abuse". I think emotional abuse can only be linked to physical, as you can always go tell an emotional abuser to go hang themselves - what they gonna do really. I know it's not easy but familly power struggles are as much about. insercurities, protection, love, mis-understanding jelousy, like most other relashionships. I think you'd be doing your mother an injustice by trying to guess if she is an abuser. Hope everything works out.. Rich(Threadender)