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Thread: relationship anxiety

  1. #1

    relationship anxiety

    Hi everyone, I appreciate any help you can give!!!! Let me preface my story by saying this is my new source of anxiety.

    Its amazing how strong certain thoughts, feelings, physical symptoms, etc. can consume you. I've suffered on and off with anxiety for quite a long time. I will not get into all the details. Lets just say that my anxiety has shifted from HIV, MS, and many others.

    I had been anxiety free for about 5 years. The occasional flare-up, but nothing I wasn't able to get through. I did the an anxiety program around 2002 and it helped quite a bit! Over the last 8 months or so, i've been struggling with many of the anxiety related feelings again.

    It started with big-time job stress over a period of a few months, which resulted in the sudden onset of physical symptoms, such as numbess and tingling, tightness in head, pins and needles feelings throughout body, etc. Well, this continued and eventually I convinced myself I had MS. Saw Dr., said not likely, but fears/physical symptoms continued.

    Well, more life stressors occurred, more anxiety occurred and more physical symptoms. I was able to live with the symptoms, though in the back of my mind I kept questioning and wondering "what if".

    So, life continued and I was recently reading a book called "Falling" by Christopher Pike. Much of the plot in the book is about the repeated betrayal/cheating that the main character experiences from the love of his life. For the first 350 pages, I was good. All of the sudden though, it hit me HARD....like a 50lb weight. (I was almost through the book too...ahhh).

    My thought: What if my wife does this to me??????? Let me backtrack by saying my wife and I dated for 2 years in college, I transferred schools, we continued dating for another couple of months, and then we split up (her choice) and went our seperate ways. She began dating someone else and it hurt. Things hadn't been the same with us since I had transfered. I finished school, went to Europe (traveling) and after about 2 years apart, we began talking again, started seeing eachother, etc, etc and now we're married and have been completely happy.

    Our relationship has been great. We're expecting our 1st baby in a little over a month, we spend a ton of time together, and things are good. But all of the sudden, this scary, terrible thought. She hurt me before when we split up - that is the truth. She knew that, we've discussed in past, but, I never once thought she could/would do it again. Now, I can't get this out of my mind. What would I do? Could it happen? Is there someone else? ALL FOR NO LEGITIMATE REASON. Except that I read about it in a darn Christopher Pike fiction book.

    The bigger fact is that I am completely sensitiezed right now and have been for about 8 months!!! I know i'm going through a tough spell of anxiety and obsessive worry/thoughts.

    My current life stressors: Expecting a baby, buying/closing on 1st house, starting new job & haven't told current employer

    I know I have a TON going on right now. But, I need someone to PLEASE talk some sense into me.

    Thanks for anyone who can read this and get back to me!!

    CMT

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    2,744

    Re: relationship anxiety

    Your wife must love you and so accept you for all that you are.

    Tell her that you're feeling under alot of stress and that this book has triggered irrational fears.

    If you keep things bottled you'll be adding to your pressures. You need to release them but explain to her the reasons behind them. As I say, she loves you and is having your baby so I'm Sure she'll be understanding.

    You mustn't be afraid to share with your partner. A partnership needs to have a close bond where you're able to share everything and all your worries with each other because there has to be a base of trust. We mustn't bottle things and keep worries from our partners because otherwise they can't help us.

    She obviously loves you so don't be afraid to talk to her.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    1,708

    Re: relationship anxiety

    I agree with Bill.

    I also think these stresses could be triggered off because you have some big things going on in your life right now - expecting your first child, first house and new job. These are big things you know

    But certainly, talk to your wife because the more you bottle these feelings up, the more they will eat away at you. I'm sure she will be supportive of you

    Jo xxxxx
    __________________
    If I could write words
    Like leaves on an autumn forest floor,
    What a bonfire my letters would make.
    If I could speak words of water,
    You would drown when I said
    "I love you."

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    1,489

    Re: relationship anxiety

    hi there, i have to say although you are looking for reassurance - which is okay - you have actually already asked the question of yourself and answered it yourself!!!!!

    your anxious state has knocked your confidence, to the extent that even though you know what is happening you still need to hear someone else say it also? you KNOW this is because of the stress you have - an unbelievably large amount - you know you have suffered with this crazy anxiety that makes you fear things that arent happening for you, you have read the book and it has just been another trigger for you - the same as if you watched tv and saw something about a health issue? for me it would have been seeing like a world issue - wars, disease, global warming etc ppl saying the world was going to end on a certain day these were the things that i would get really freaked out about. but i have also had relationship issues where i have worried about my husband leaving/cheating - anotherbig worry for me was would my husband crash the car and die on his way to and from work - so we are worrying about catastrophic events that would rock us and leave us maybe unable to cope/function. but this happens when we are weak from feeling too much anxiety for too long - you are sensitive to all manner of triggers for catastrophic events - currently yours is that your wife would leave you or abuse you by being unfaithful and knowing that she can do this because she has hurt you before? okay well you have to let go of the past and move on with wha tyou have now which is obviously commitment from your wife - its fuuny but my anxiety also got much much worse when i had a relationship and a child - we now have more to lose? i would advise you finding ways of dealing with your anxiety symptoms - relaxation and exercise are good, but you have to commit to it and do them regularly and you have to start thinking more positively - challenge the negative thoughts, acknowledge that it is because of your anxiety, and have faith in time that if you stop scaring yourself over TIME your anxiety will receed and you will be able to see/think straight again - remember this is not you this is your anxiety and if you work hard on reducing it you will see you get back to feeling like yourself

  5. #5

    Re: relationship anxiety

    Thanks for everyone who replied to my message.

    Yes, I definitely should be able to talk with my wife about these things. Usually I do, but in this case, I feel embarrased because it is truly coming out of nowhere - well nothing stemming from real life circumstances.

    Emmas - you are 100% correct. Because i'm going through so many stressful things in my life (I almost feel like high stress is the only way I know how to live), I suffer from so many irrational fears - fears that I know aren't true, but when the fear/thought returns I always question with a "what if".

    When i'm confident, feeling good and living life well, these thoughts and fears bounce off me and I continue on with my daily life. I know, at some point over the last 5 years, i've thought about my wife leaving me for a fleeting second. But, over the last 5 years, i've been much stronger than I am right now. Thats why these thoughts stick.

    What are the best ways to return to a strong, healthy, confident life. I know that it isn't something that can be instantly switched - it takes time. But, i'd like to hear what other people think!

    Thanks again for the support and help.

    CMT

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    1,489

    Re: relationship anxiety

    hi, well in my experience you have to tackle the thoughts and the anxiety together - stop focusing on the fears and start to remind yourself a thousand times a day if need be that what you are experiencing is anxiety and it will go - YOU WILL NOT BE IN THIS STATE PERMANENTLY - but once its started it can tjust be switched off, because as you acknowledge you are sensitized. there is plenty you can do but you also have to give it time for your body and mind to get back into balance take care emma

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