Hi

[Meg]

Hi Steve,

I agree with Kate. You need to ask and then ask again..These are all available but with different waiting lists time though.....


Couple of things - sitting about doing very little for long periods is of no use at all, it will just give her time to dwell on her fearful and unhappy thoughts and spiral downwards. She doesn't need to think straight or make decisions - just do something.

A good tidy out of drawers and cupboards / freezer is as good as any and will produce positive feelings and a sense of satisfation too. So unless REAL fatigue is a big issue than get up and do. Garden leaves raking would also be good for her when she feels able. Not all day but an hour or so at a time. She needs to exercise a bit each day just to change the air in her lungs properly.

You being there 24/7 is so comforting to her but not actually doing her any good. You popping out for 15 mins , then 20 etc is the way to start. Even if she doesn't move a muscle whilst you're gone the first time or two and you take a mobile. You also need to get out for your sake.

Find a mantra that suits - and repeat it ad nauseum.

I'm afraid the broken record bit is your job at present. It's so important to get those continual positive messages.. Keep with it Steve !!

Good news about the shower, good news about the funny viewing. ..

Keep in touch. Hope the counsellor is good.




Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[diana]

Hiya Steve,
Good to hear Liz has made some accomplishments since she was on. Like Meg says it would be good for you and Liz for you to start getting out on a regular basis for a bit of time, of course increasing the time that you are out each time. So that everytime you are out and she survives, she will start feeling like she can make it. I know it takes time, just keep being positive and introducing things you know otherwise she would avoid to your regular everyday schedule. In time it will get easier, that we can promise. Keep coming back to let us know how you all are getting along.

Best Wishes!!!
Take care,

Diana xxx

[sarah]

Hi Steve and Liz
I spent ages being too scared to leave the house and bear to answer the phone. I spent weeks wishing i could walk to the local shops (5 mins up the road) and so each day i would get dressed and stand behind the front door shaking like a leaf. One day i just opened the door and walked. I made it to the top of the road....still panicking and bought a pint of milk!!! I was so pleased with myself i phoned my mum on my mobile and asked her to guess where i was. She was so pleased i had done it I felt on top of the world!
I guess the moral of the story is.....small steps at a time and you will get there!!!!!!
Thinking of you! from one who knows exactly how you feel!!!!
love Sarah
xxx

[nomorepanic]

I agree with Meg about keeping busy around the house.

Sometimes when I get panicky I start emptying/tidying drawers and cupboards or my other expensive past-time of pulling wallpaper off walls (cos then we have to redecorate - he he).

Alex tells me sit down and relax but I find it better to use up the nervous energy by doing something. There are times you need to relax but there are other times that it is better to be active. If I sit and think about the painc then I start imagining all the other aches and pains I have so I find it better to do something.

Another good thing is exercise - I go swimming when I feel panicky sometimes. I know that Liz will be unable to do this but like Meg said - raking some leaves in the garden will do the same job.

Good luck


Nicola

[twister]

I cleaned the walls the other day!

[stimpy]

Hi all

We had been cleaning out cupboards like mad people, even the deathtrap under the stairs, up until a few weeks ago when Liz was quite positive. Three weeks ago, she did exactly the same as you Sarah, walked to the local shops and stood outside the small supermarket - 3 days in a row, twice by herself and the third time with me. She couldnt face going in though.

The Monday before Halloween she said she wanted some sweets and stuff, and would I go to Asda and get some. I asked if she wanted to come with me. She could always wait outside if she couldnt face going in. She did come with me, and took a big deep breath, clung to my arm, and went into Asda. She did start to panic inside, and wanted to run screaming. Her biggest fear is having a flap in public and having people looking at her, and having nowhere to sit and hide. However she managed the panic beautifully, made a 100% turnaround, carried on and even paid for the stuff at the checkout! Something she would never have thought she;d be able to do. I was dead proud and kept telling her how good she's handled it, and if we kept that up we'd be on a roll.

The next few days were real bad with panic, and sent her spiralling right back down, so much so that she's not even stepped out the door since. I guess if she's have gone out the door again the next day, and the next, it would have really helped. The damn avoidance thing killing everything again!

Then the thought of taking the meds knocked her back, and thats where we were when I first posted on here - desperate, and very scared.

Yesterday - well, what can I say - we talked again, she was worried about me going out for two hours to work (today), so I said I'd ask a neighbour to come and see her - I know thats avoidance, but 2hours+ is a very long time for her at the moment.

However, after the CPN rang, and put her fears of the nausea to rest (Prob caused by meds, and will pass), we talked some more "positive" and "coping" stuff. The counsellor came, so I was able to get out for a few hours - it was only meant to be an hour visit, but Maggie hung around for over two hours, they were getting on so well

Positive vibes then until bedtime . If we can keep these up, then maybe we'll get outside again, and Liz will start to use the computer. Last night she had some tea (first time for a week), downloaded some tunes from the internet, had a small panic (resolved with positive messages!), and watched Peter Kay until tears were rolling down her cheeks. I was so happy!

Thankyou to all you wonderful people for being there, we dont feel so isolated now - and Liz read your comments last night, along with Meg and Nicola's suggestions... I wanted to print them out, but I'm now kicking seven bells out of the printer - why do they never work properly?

Kate, Thanks for that. I did tell the CPN that I'd booked a private counsellor, and asked about an NHS one. He's gonna get a referal set up. Apparently he'd not mentioned it as he didnt think Liz was ready! Gawd, I reckon she's be a lot better if she'd been able to talk to someone before now.

Sorry for the long post again.

Take Care
Ste

[kate]

Ste,
You are sounding much more positive now, amazing what a bit of support from people who understand can do for you!Although it probably seems to you that Liz is taking 3 steps forward and 10 steps back, this real bad phase of anxiety in her will pass and she will feel more able again to venture outside.As the CPN said, sometimes the sufferer is so withdrawn that talking is either not possible or would be of little benefit. However,now that Liz has talked to a counsellor and it appears to be helping,keep following up on the NHS referal.
Take care of yourselves

Kate x

[Lottie32]

Dear Liz

Please have faith in yourself. I too was like this and can honestly say - IT WILL PASS. Now I have learnt to live with a little anxiety which is around me most of the time, and to never be truly relaxed. It is just a part of me.

Listen to the advice of Nic and Meg. It really is very good. If you don't feel like talking, just keep reading. It did me the world of good to know I wasn't the only "mad" person out there (and I don't mean any offence by that, but at one stage, I really thought I was going bonkers).

You may not believe it now, but diet, exercise, breathing techniques, relaxing and keeping busy REALLY DO HELP.

Perhaps you could try making lists of things to do each day, and focus on doing them when your husband has to go out. These can only be small things - checking the sell by date of the cans in the cupboard, and throwing any old ones away etc. (Our kitchen cupboards are regimented after I suffered a blip last month!!!) I also arrange my books in order, and have found that quite often, I "find" an old favourite, and before I know it, I'm on chapter five! The same can go for CD's / tapes too!

Keeping a very simple list of jobs to do, can give you a sense of achievement, but please don't put too much pressure on yourself. Why not try half a dozen small tasks to be carried out over the week.

Also, do you have any hobbies? I find cross-stitch and making things very theraputic. My friends always know if I'm having a bad patch, cos I'll turn up for a coffee with my cross stitch bag in my hand!!!

Both of you take care

Charlie

[diana]

Hey Steve!!!

Kudos to Liz for the accomplishments. Sounds like she is well on her way. Just remember baby steps, then bigger steps, then "LARGE" steps . It will all come with time a preserverance. Just keep up the positive thoughts. Take care both of you, we are all in your corner .

Diana xoxoxo

[Meg]

Liz,

It is also true that settling in on new medication can make the nervousness /anxiety worse before it gets better for a couple of weeks, then slowly you'll feel the ready - brek -glow - feeling kick in.

I can so relate Lottie to checking the expiry dates of the tins in the cupboards. Doing out the freezer was a good one too. Labelling kids clothes, sorting out and albuming years of family photos was fab as they made me smile and cry alternately.
Lots of singing the musicals - badly.
I wouldn't go out alone but into the garden with someone was fine so that was a great help.
I did tapestry, I found cross stitch too fiddly on really bad days.

One girl I worked with learnt all the trivial persuit questions and answers so when she was better she would win...

I agree about the neighbour as 2 hours is too long to start with but do start going out Steve - now ...for short periods of time and Liz really push yourself to go outdoors - little steps- open door and deep breaths and close again, then 2 steps outside and so forth but keep it going each day.

You see from the Asda trip how quickly avoidance sets in - you need to start pushing back your boundaries a chink at a time.

You're doing so well on gathering information and on the support front.


Positivity, Proactivity, Patience and Perseverence and this too shall pass....

How are your children coping ?

Steve, How are your work being with you being off for this long, Didn't oyu have to go and see them this week ?



Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...