Any idea of what could help?
Hello. I'm very, very new here. I made my introduction post in "Introduce Yourself", and mentioned a few of my very odd, odd phobias. If you have not seen them, I will explain them again.
- I have a very awkward phobia of search engines. The whole thing behind it is, I'm terrified of someone searching up my name, seeing who I am or what I've done on the internet [even though I've done nothing wrong]. Or seeing something someone made up about me. Or, people seeing things I've said about them or mentioned them in. [When I was young, about from 11-14, I used to be a compulsive liar and lied about basically everything, from things about me to making up things about my friends or what we did. But I have overcome it, thankfully.] I just get so frightened that they'll see and come at me saying, "Why'd you say that about me? You liar!" or things like that. Or teasing me to the point where I just wanna crawl in a whole and die. This phobia is so hard to deal with, because every time I get online I want to go to Google or Yahoo! search and just put anything I can think of in. I have, and only came up with two things. But, still, it makes me very anxious and I just want to get to the root of it all. It's very hard to tell anyone about this - I've only told my therapist and my best friend, because I know they won't judge me. This fear of mine makes me just feel worried and paranoid, and I just want to overcome it as best as I can.
- I also have a fear of remembering certain things from my past. As I mentioned, I was a compulsive liar and I hate hearing things that trigger memories of my lies. It makes me so nervous to the point of wanting to vomit. I was also teased horribly and tortured by the people who I thought were my friends, there was never a day where I was in school [middle school, to be exact] where I was teased or put down in some way. This is another tough fear to deal with, because a lot of the things I hear or involve myself in remind of me of my past, and I just get so damn anxious.
- My last major fear, and the least stressful, is my fear of new things. Anything new that I come across or obtain gives me a sick feeling in my stomach. It could be a new videogame, a new book, or a new person. I'm afraid they'll remind me of something in some way, or there will be something in there that will make me very, very nervous.
Yes, that's all of them. They may seem very, very awkward but they make my life a living Hell. It's so hard to have fears like these, which are basically parts of every day life.
I'm tired of the urges, the paranoia, the anxiety attacks, the panic attacks, the sick stomach, the thoughts that just never stop...
I would just like to meet someone out there who may have these same thoughts, or something like them. They honestly make me feel so alone. I want to learn how to overcome them, or maybe get over them just a little bit.
Sorry for the long post...and I'm sorry if this all soudns ridiculous.
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a little bit trusting again.
