Just found this site and wanted to introduce myself. I've suffered from anziety and panic disorders for most of my life to varying degrees, but what I'm going through at the moment is the most difficult. I had a breakdown centered on my fear of death and aging and was in hospital for a month at the end of last year as they tried different anti-depressant medications. (I'm currently on 125mg clomipramine which gives me tremors amongst other side effects)
I have developed agorophobia and a terrible fear of being alone. I have had several spontaneous attcks in the past few weeks, the first one when when my partner had to go on a business trip and I was alone in the house in the middle of the night. I thought I was going to die and called a friend who lives nearby. She stayed the night and most of the day after.
The second was when I went out alone. I ended up sobbing, hysterical and shaking in a book shop. Called my partner who called his (now retired) parents, one of whom came round to pick me up in the car. I ended up at the emergency section of the psychiatric hospital.
I know that on both ocassions I had some kind of back up and that eventually I will have to face this alone to overcome it, but I'm terrified. All my thoughts are obsessive ones about my fear of death and how time seems to be racing by. My perception of the passage of time changed with my breakdown. A week seems to pass in just one or two days and I feel like I'm hurtling towards oblivion with little point to anything.
I know I'm very lucky to have the friends and family I have and that in many ways my situation could be much worse, but I'm going through a crisis and can't see light at the end of the tunnel, only the idea that this can only get worse.
Everyone seems so supportive here. I'd love to hear from any of you.
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