Am very depressed

[xBettyBoopx]

I am so depressed, I don't see any point in this life (existence).

It's all pain and suffering, and then you die anyway! What's the point? I've had problems since I can remember, I'm 51 years of age this year and am stuck indoors all bar about 1-2 hours per week. I live alone, my family don't care, all my so called friends have disappeared, no one ever phones me or comes around to see me (I could be dead and no one would know). I also have emphysema, CFS and back problems. My flat is dirty cause I ain't got the strength to do any housework, can't afford a cleaner cause only on incap benefit (was turned down for disability). Can't turn to my mum, she passed away August 2005. I had a car that I could try & go out in cause I feel safe if I'm driving, but had to let that go as I couldn't pay for insurance, mot and tax.

I am just drifting aimlessly through life with no hope of getting better from the physcial or nervous illnesses, and totally on my own. I cannot begin to tell you how devasted at life I am, how everyday I wish I hadn't been born then I wouldnt know about this suffering.

I haven't been to the drs for nearly 2 years, as all they want to do is give me anti-depressants, i say to them "would you not be depressed if you had my existence?" Maybe they'd think 'All is well in the world' and walk around with a smile on their faces all day, too funny. Anti-depressants wont stop me being anxious of panicky, won't get rid of the emphysema, back probs or CFS!

Haven't been able to go to the dentist for many years, so my teeth are broken, chipped and bad, and I have an abcess whcih I've had for 2 years. Makes me gag sometimes when it gets larger.

All in all I have nothing and no one to be here for. I can't help anyone else or do anything for anyone. I'm hopeless, worthless and should never have been born or been drowned at birth.

Elspeth

[SueBee]

Elspeth, you HAVE to go to the doctors! 3 weeks ago i was feeling exactly the same as you, questioning my existance ...... well, i'm gonna die anyway so whats the point etc........ antidepressants do stop you feeling so panicky and depressed. maybe if you gave it a try you'd have the strength to face your other problems. contact your family too, i'm sure they'd be devastated if they realised how you were feeling....... my family were shocked that i felt i couldnt speak to them ......... give it a go ........ nowt to lose as it were!

[jesse08]

Hi Elspeth,
I understand how you are feeling and also why everything seems so hopeless and gloomy - a symptom of depression. Try and go to your doctor's as they may be able to offer you counselling. Talking to someone about how you feel WILL help. Sounds like you are very isolated which in itself will make you feel you have nothing to live for. Can you try and give yourself some sort of daily structure just to focus your mind? It doesn't have to be a huge list; just a few little things. It's amaxing how much better I feel just achieving one or two things rather than sitting doing nothing for hours on end. YOU are worth it. Please believe this. Take care.

[Lilith1980]

Hi Elspeth

I agree with Sue and Jesse, please try and get yourself to the Drs. If not, could they come for a home visit?

I think maybe you need more than anti-depressants, you need some talking therapy.

I'm sorry that there doesnt seem to be any real time support but you have us on here and we will try our hardest to support you hun

Jo xxxxx

[marie1974]

Hi Elspeth, feeling lonely is just the worst thing i know but if you just make tiny steps you will start to feel better, mayb a slow process but its a start. you are obiously a strong person anyway to be putting up with what you do so please call the doc and see someone, they will help you and mayb try to find someone a friend or family member who will listen to you, people here will always listen me included but please carry on being strong and get help, then come back here and let me know and you will get so much encouragement and support, you are not alone, be strong donna x

[bluebell68]

Hi Elspeph.... i agree with all of above... you really do need to go back and see your doc, or if your current doc is no help, try and see another one..antidepressants really can help... they can stop anxiety and depression... i can totally understand your reluctance, i too was adamant that i wasn't gonna consider them but i have and they are working... obviously it is your choice and i wouldn't push them on anybody... there are other treatments that could help but your doctor is key to accessing them...its hard to see a time when we can ever feel different than we do today but anxiety is beatable but you will need support. This forum is great but there are lots of other organisations that can help too..your doctor should be able to give you some points of contact but if not any internet search on depression and anxiety should throw up some numbers.. keep posting , we all understand and will try to help...please know, you are not alone.

Rach

[hopeful]

Hi Elspeth,

Sorry you're feeling so low.Please try antidepressants,you've nothing to lose and they just might work.I was very anxious/panicky before I started citalopram and now my anxiety has 90% gone.Go on,see your gp.You could also ask to be referred for cbt.Keep us posted and believe you can recover.
julie x

[PUGLETMUM]

hi elspeth, i agree with all the guys are saying - please dont give up, please get help and beat the illness that is depression that is plaguing you with this despair i am thinking of you elspeth