dealing with others...

[Meewah]

Hi all

I did a course on Body language for my work and learnt a lot of interesting facts like 80% of communication is non verbal, this explains why some people we feel at ease with and others we feel really uncomfortable with and we just don't know why. I am this person...I need loud self confident people with me as this takes the spotlight off me. If i am sat with someone who goes quiet I feel really uncomfortable.

When I am at work I could do with a sign on me that says I suffer from anxiety so people dont take the fact that I find it hard to make eye contact and small talk easily personally and think I'm a funny so and so. May be we should have a wrist band that tells others we are not being like this on purpose.

What do u think?

Mee

[Hope 2]

Hi Mee

Hope you are okay .

Interesting topic . I think non-verbal 'vibes' tell a story don't they . I kinda work on a gut instinct basis with people , but I am not always right , but usually am . You know .....first impressions sorta thing .

I find it difficult to maintain eye contact , but more with people I know really well ....what the heck is that all about , I really don't know ???
I particularly wanted to say something about having people around you who are loud and self confident cos they take the focus off you . Well , I can be fairly loud and appear calm and confident around others . Appear being the operative word here . What I am trying to say is that although I behave in this way around groups of people I know less well , for eg in the school yard with the other parents (most crowded place I go cos I HAVE too lol) .......... sorry going off point ....again ! Basically I come across to people as this confident person but it's a learnt behaviour (through ex career mainly) ...............and the more nervous , inferior and anxious I feel , the more confident I appear on the 'surface' if u see wot I mean .

I share this cos it may help u look at things a litle differently , that is to say the people you feel more comfortable around cos they stand out more and enable u to relax more ......... may be just like me . Poor people lol .

I also sometimes pick up on others that feel like me in groups etc , and I hate to think of them feeling anxious too , so this is another reason I put on this pretend mask/act/front............to relieve their anxiety by taking the pressure off them ! Blimey didn't know I was gonna end up getting THIS deep . I mention this cos of what you say about others being quiet around u , they r feeling like you are .... maybe ?Perhaps that may help u feel less uncomfortable ....... that they r in the same boat kinda thing . I hope this is the kinda feedback u was looking for Mee , if not I am booking the next flight to Mexico ... oh hang on ............ I have a fear of flying .

Good Post Mate
Toodle pip
Hope xx

[Hope 2]

Bet u wished u had never asked eh he he

[breakingoutthistime]

Just reading that post love the bit about just want a sign over u, its true personally am quiet introverted and feel uncomfortable wary around alot of people, and its that also find eye contact very hard due to be shy which also brings around issues around interaction with people.
Its nice to know that am not alone.

[Meewah]

Thanx for the replies.

Breakingout - Your definately not alone not if the statistics are anything to go by.

Hope 2 - Interesting how we behave. Excuse the question but if you have social anxiety how does it appear to others? Can people tell that you are anxious? If the anxiety gives you confidence then I need to learn your skill. How do we know that naturally confident people dont have this internal anxious feeling also?

Mee

[CONS]

"How do we know that naturally confident people dont have this internal anxious feeling also?"

A study "claims" that 1 in 10 people on a bus will have either a panic attack or high level of anxiety at some point along its route.

As for the question you posed then merely masking, people do it everyday " hi how are you? " 90% chance of reply will be " oh im fine, you? ". We don't want to reveal our "insecurities" or "weaknesses" too often as pride takes a beating. (In my opinion)

"Can people tell that you are anxious?"

I would say yes in my case as i know for a fact my eyes widen when my heart drops/skips for 2 seconds and then im holding my chest to monitor my own heart beat and quickly hurry off to home. Different people react differently which is obvious, suppose it would depend on severity VS the ability to "mask" whats happening.

Cons

[kat987]

hey
i know exactly what you mean.. if people i've never met talk to me, or even if i go to the doctors and they ask me questions about myself and look at me my heart starts to race and i feel dizzy as though i'm going to pass out. its worse at interviews! i havent had a job for around a year because every interview i used to go to i'd pass out out! i've officially given in on the job aspect now lol
i start behavioural therapy today though, so should be of some use? although very nervous because its a woman iv never met and she'll be assessing mee. eeeek!
hope you're okay

kat x

Hi all

I did a course on Body language for my work and learnt a lot of interesting facts like 80% of communication is non verbal, this explains why some people we feel at ease with and others we feel really uncomfortable with and we just don't know why. I am this person...I need loud self confident people with me as this takes the spotlight off me. If i am sat with someone who goes quiet I feel really uncomfortable.

When I am at work I could do with a sign on me that says I suffer from anxiety so people dont take the fact that I find it hard to make eye contact and small talk easily personally and think I'm a funny so and so. May be we should have a wrist band that tells others we are not being like this on purpose.

What do u think?

Mee

[CONS]

Kat if you are not comfortable with a woman you could request a man although delays are to be expected.

Hope it goes well, any positive information is a bonus.

Take care.

Cons

[Franz]

In my experience there are 2 kinds of extrovert: those who appreciate introverts because they give them an audience, and those who don't like introverts because they make them feel bored or uncomfortable.

I remember seeing some woman on the show "Room 101", who said one thing she hated was shy people. "They're not shy, they're just rude," she said. God, that made me angry! She had no conception of how nerves can make people just clam up sometimes.

I have social phobia and I avoid even saying hello to colleagues in the morning because I don't trust myself not to lose my nerve and stare at them. I know they think I'm rude but it seems the lesser of two evils!

When you're shy, people think you don't want friends, when the truth is that you want them so badly that you daren't risk social interaction for fear of rejection :\

Francis

[freakedout]

Hi everyone, hmmm interesting post.

My body language says it all usually. I am the nervous neurotic fidgety one with ants in my pants type of behaviour. If I am not fidgeting about the alternative is that I am so tense I feel like I have rigor mortice!!. I have probs with eye contact too when I am talking, but if I am listening I can look. The thing is, all this behaviour and body language makes me more anxious, I crumple up inside, I feel paranoid, self-conscious, the more I feel uncomfortable the more paranoid I feel then I think everyone thinks I am some kinda weirdo. I avoid people like in the school yard for example, and I am sure they think I am ignorant. It is really awful, I sympathise with everyone who feels like this, it makes me wish I could just disappear into a puff of smoke whenever I wished!!

Freaky