I can't do this anymore

[Carla08]

Well I wonder if Karen Carpenter is happy now with how thin she is!!!

[xBettyBoopx]

Hello to Karen and to ev1 who has joined this thread.

I just want you to know Karen that I don't know you, but I don't want you to die of this illness. We all know that at some point we are all going to pass away, death is the only sure thing in life, but please Karen don't 'help it on its way'. You will never know how your life would have turned out if you continue on this road. I do know the self-hatred that you feel, I feel that myself, and I am like you suffering from depression and anxiety.

Life is so hard for most people, I think only a small percentage of people actually go through life without many problems, they are the lucky ones (most of them don't seem to realise though ).

I cannot imagine what you are going thru with this anorexia, but you know that most people on here have been very supportive, they obviously cannot help you as they are not trained professionals, but they have been here to try and guide you. Guidance and support can sometimes be better than actual professionals as it shows that people care. You can see that Karen, cant you? People CARE about YOU, they want you to get well and that's why there are so many posts in this thread.

It's the times when you feel most like you hate yourself, that you need to dig really deep to find something that you like about yourself and then build on that. Oh how simple that sounds if only life were that simple, right?

To you Karen an all on nmp site

There are rocky roads ahead of us,
and many hills to climb,
but together we can do it,
taking one day at a time.

Love

Elspeth

[Karen]

Cathy - I am truly sorry to hear about your sister and I am sorry you stumbled across my thread and found it disturbing. I did suggest a warning be added to the title so those who choose to do not have to read if this subject is upsetting.

I agree with you that anorexia itself is not about wanting to die and when I was starving myself and losing weight I wasn't thinking about death. I feel suicidal now that I have been forced to gain weight following 'treatment' in an eating disorder unit - which really means re-feeding.

Well I wonder if Karen Carpenter is happy now with how thin she is!!!

I'm sorry Carla but that's the kind of question that only someone who has no idea what having anorexia is like would ask and I don't think there is much point getting into that debate.

Elspeth - Thank you for your reply I think you probably stumbled upon my life philosophy there when you said 'we all have to die some time' and that's how I feel about my life. Whether I live until tomorrow, next week, next month, next year or for many years, there is not much point if my life is unhappy.

Anorexia doesn't give me a death wish but depression does and when I feel I am 'failing' at anorexia I feel more depressed and therefore thoughts of death and suicide do resurface.

Nic - I am not writing anything with the intention of shocking anyone or trying to get a response but I am genuinely having a hard time at the moment. It seems all the time I was writing positive posts then I was left alone but now I am struggling again and therefore cannot help but write the way I feel, I am being threatened with having my thread locked again.

I am beginning if it is the general view here that I should just go away if I am causing so much upset. If this is the case I wish you would all say outright so I know where I stand.

Karen xx

[belle]

Karen..

There is a big chance that you will die of anorexia simply because of the years of starvation you've put your body through already.

I really do know how you are feeling. I've done everything NOT to put on weight, but since i have started eating well and NOT throwing obsene amounts of laxatives down my throat i realise how damn important it is to get vitimins in your body....just to keep it functioning.

Karen Carpenter was NOT a success, she killed herself. In my eyes...she failed in a really big way! I bet she wasn't setting out to die....but such a talented women wasted her life to an illness that does NOT make a person more acceptable, more likeable, more attractive...anything. It makes a person....sad, lonely and self absorbed. Anorexia KILLS. Anorexia will NOT MAKE YOU A SUCCESS Karen, it will take your life from you, the only winner here...is the eating disorder.

This will go in one ear and out the other. But, i've lived it for 20 years, i KNOW what i am talking about and thank God i have destroyed it.

I worry everyday what damage i have done to myself through the years of abuse and it something that i will only know about in years to come.

[chalky]

Hi Karen,

This Thread is now closing pending an Administrative review of its recent content.

Best wishes,
Chalky