Isolation

[Robert84]

My Isolation:

What is least accepted by other people and friends? Perhaps admitting your gay or Lesbian, or maybe admitting your in love with a woman half your age? These things are frowned upon by certain people, depending on their personal views. However unless there is predudice these things do not cause pain. So what does cause pain? You may get beaten up and mugged in the street on a dark night. That would cause a lot of pain. However you would be able to talk about the experience to friends, and seek sympathy. But what if you are just depressed or anxious and there is no cause behind it?

What if you cannot say you were abused as a child or were raped or you lost a dear one. What if you have had an easy life, a great childhood, are fit, healthy and well educated? Can you still get sympathy? Maybe I dont get sympathy because people cannot see there is anything wrong. If I had a plaster cast on my leg, people would ask me what happened and if there is anything they could do for me. When im in the house I may be wearing holey jeans and have 3 days worth of stubble, but before I go out I spend 60 minutes in the bathroom getting freshened up after my 3 days spent in the house. I step into my best clothes that I ironed the night before, gel my hair and and smother myself in expensive aftershave. I need to do this just to gain some self worth. I talk to people for as long as I can manage, about what they want to hear about. If I havn't done anything, I make something up. Plastering on a smile to hide my emotions within. Perhaps thats why I dont get the sympathy? Noone can tell I'm ill. On the other hand have I got any other choice? What if I were to go to the local and say im feeling depressed. What if they asked me why, and I just told them its an mental illness. What if I told my friends I had not been doing anything because I had been sleeping in till 5pm most days, or the reason I was going home was through a panic attack? Supposed I went out as a scruff and told them that with a long face. I can allready picture getting no support, and perhaps even being gossiped about after I left.

Not even friends seem to want to take it on board or make any effort to listen. When I have tried to explain im ill I get, ''Don't worry about me, just take care of yourself''. Or I get, ''I got to go now but promise me you will get better.'' At the very best I get patronised and spoken to like a baby. ''Oh im really sorry darling, I wish I could give you a big hug''. But not one friend offers to visit me, or even offers to go out somewhere close to where I live so its less far for me to travel. Because of this I spend much of my time on the internet, making me even more isolated from the real society. Sometimes its the only place where I will find people to talk sincere to.

[marie1974]

Hi Robert Great writing, there are alot of people that just dont understand and i have found so many people lead stressful lives that they just dont want or dont have time to deal with others even if they are friends or relatives. i am no expert but i know certain things can trigger bad bouts of depression and anxiety and i find the only way for me to deal with it is exercise whether it be indoor or out. i walk loads every day it helps so much at first i was tired for weeks but once i got used to it i was full of energy my mood improved i felt motivated and i slept and normal nighttime hours, this keeps me going, i hope you manage to find something that helps you but if all else fails draw the curtains put on dvd/vid or ipod whatever and just move like a complete loony for 40mins haha, have a good day and be strong you will get lots of support on here xxxx

[Robert84]

Thanks for the reply Donna. Exercise does help me too. I guess I do not get enough of it and could do with more. Im also going to start going to mind I think so I can go out with people who will be understanding too.
XXXX

[marie1974]

thats great robert you should try the exercise do it at home until you feel that mayb you can do it outside mayb a half hour brisk walk or gym if you really brave i can honestly say if you stick with it it works. mind would be a good place too, its good to have people to talk to face to face who understand. i rely on my hubby and i have 3 kids but i feel if anything happend to him id have no one at all to be there for me as i am not close to parents at all and keep friends at arms length because i sont want to get hurt or let down (long story) haha. but i try to stay positive as much a i can set little goals anything at all and voluntary work helps i find too its really worth while too i help in book shop sometimes for red cross. xxx

[chalky]

Hi Robert,

Thank you for a very thought-provoking post.
Going to Mind is a great idea and just shows what a great person you are- thinking of others when you don't feel so good.

You can emerge from these problems.
Read some of the Success Stories on the Forum for inspiration.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[Franz]

Robert,

What you say is very true. In my experience, unless a friend can relate to mental health problems, they're likely to be embarrassed if you try to talk to them about them. I don't know if it's because they're not comfortable talking about feelings, or if it's because they simply don't *understand* and therefore don't have anything to say.

I mentioned my nervous breakdown to a friend last year, making it (subtly) clear I wanted to get stuff off my chest, but he changed the subject immediately. I don't think he meant to be unsympathetic, but he just wasn't comfortable talking about it. Also, his marriage had just broken down, and perhaps he just wanted to stay away from "heavy" conversations. I've also made it clear to him that I'm there if he wants to talk about his crisis, but he hasn't taken me up on it.

Sometimes sympathy can come from unexpected quarters. I told my boss about my breakdown and he said, "Actually I'm glad you mentioned it because I could see something was up." He felt it cleared the air and he was fantastically sympathetic subsequently. Shame he's not still my boss.

I've found counselling quite a help. Also NMP, of course, because there's always someone here whose experience is similar enough to your own to be able to sympathise.

Francis

[PUGLETMUM]

hi robert, suffering with depression can be very very lonely i know and everyone aound you seems so damm uncaring and superficial!? there could be something in the way you feel that can actually move you on to a better life? there are some who beleive that you are a 'better' person for suffering? you lose the bullshit about status and possessions etc. but only you can take that journey - you may find that once the depression lifts. you want to be with the people you know and it was only the depression causing you to feel like this, and actually underneath their seemingly uncaring exteriors they are struggling to cope with life just as much as you are and this be definition makes them unable to 'care'?

have you read the 'road less travelled' by m scott peck? have you looked into doing meditation? there is a lot of evidence now to suggest it can and does help with depression. as someone else said exercise is fantastic for lifting the mood.

depression is an illness robert because your brain isnt working properly at the time you are suffering, but it doesn tlast even left untreated and i firmly beleive through personal experience that if you know how to 'think' during a depression you can speed up your recovery yourself - there will come a time when how other people treat you will be irrelevent, it only matters to you now because you are suffering - it is the depression that is ultimately the problem - ge that sorted and everyhting else takes care of itslef or you have the strength to make the changes in your life that you need to also have you heard of a site called 'uncommonknowledge'? you can ge tlots of good advice ther3e about depression tha tshould help you, take care, emma

[Robert84]

Thankyou all for your replies to my thread. I have read all the replies and find them all extremely helpful. I am going to look at the site uncommonknowledge now.