If you read this Martin, your reply in my "What to Do" thread made me think more and so I'm grateful to you.
You reminded me of something that alarms me greatly but as an individual carer I feel powerless to to prevent what I fear will be more tragic stories from occurring.
Like most things in life including anxiety, unless someone has experienced something, I don't think anyone can Really appreciate the effect it has on someone which why people shouldn't be so quick to judge others because they're not in that persons situation or feeling what they feel. For instance, the question of worthiness is subjective. One person will feel worthless but to another they maybe invaluable.
For the first 5 years of my marriage I literally had no support to help me care for my wife who at that times was far worse than she is now. I was working full time but there was no respite at home from pressure either. It was daily emotional torment of constant mental attacks and false accusations. There was no escape and no one to turn to. All we had was the doctor and a psychiatrist.
There were added pressures from next door with noise, our dog who became ill and eventually a house move. My mind simply imploded with all the pressure so I turned to self harming, overdoses and the odd bottle too but still no one was there for me.
The panic attacks and suicidal thoughts were frightening and yet in a sense I didn't care because I could see no future other than the emotional pain I was suffering. Doctors would say to me "Why are you doing this when there are genuinely ill people", "Why are you doing this when you should be thinking of your wife" or "What are you doing in A&E with a panic attack?" I could easily have topped myself and the system would have said they did all they could with their limited resources.
I went through the mental health system of medications, therapies, ECT, counselling, psychologists.....you name it really but none of them could offer what I Really needed to survive.
I can So much understand why mothers who care for disabled children feel they're trapped with no light at the end of the tunnel so end up doing what I nearly did. I admit their circumstances are different to mine but in lots of ways the pressures and situation are similar.
It took me years of effort to get the support my wife needed but Still after nearly 18 years, the support "I" need isn't there. Support is always directed at the patientr rather than the carer and yet even then patients fall through loopholes in the system so that both the patient and carer are left neglected which sometimes costs their lives.
My wife has a cpn. They Know I'm her carer. They visit once a month to take a blood test for her medication. They Know that my wife won't go to bed until 4 or 5 in the morning so when they arrive in the morning I'm normally in bed. At a review once I told the cpn I was in bed due to the lack of sleep and she replied "Oh, I thought you were at work". I could have been buried in the garden and they might never have known. Even now, Never when they visit do they enquire where I am or even How I'm feeling. I'm just left and yet I'm my wifes carer so they rely on me to look after her! It's Crazy and it makes me So Angry!
Yes, there are carers groups I could attend which I have been to before but most often the carers present are elderly caring for elderly partners. Younger carers are few and far between and often "trapped" in their homes in their caring roles because the patient can't be left.
We can ask for a carers assessment and once it was offered but never been followed up. Silence to them must mean we're ok and don't need help. They don't seem to think that it could be because we can't be bothered with the extra hassle of fighting for more.
When I was under the Mental Health Team, their final advice was "Go out and make friends" because then I wouldn't be so isolated feeling so depressed. And how exactly when it's left to just you to help yourself on top of caring for a partner? Carers are left not just feeling alone but Being on their own and to the system they're invisible.
The government are now even telling carers they must contribute to "pay to care" for the support they need.
As Martin rightly said, anxiety makes people retreat and not shout for help, and if the shout for help is ignored, the sufferer retreats further and is left.
Ok...now I've got all that off my chest....
People who are feeling stressed, depressed and anxious will only "talk" if the support is offered by people they Know will understand them. A mother caring for a disabled child I doubt very much will feel they belong in a carers group made up of elderly people just as I've always felt.
Am I or they any different from any other anxiety sufferer on here? So what kind of support do "we" need? Social services should be providing the practical support but where do we get mental support?...From people who "understand" like you of a similar generation in a place like this!
When you're trapped, isolated and feeling alone in your home under immense emotional pressure from your caring role away from people your age who are leading "normal" working lives, a place like this is Invaluable and EVERY surgery should be telling their anxiety/depression sufferers of its existence then more young carers lives might just be saved!
I'm sorry but it just makes me So angry that the option from society appears to be "not to care"!
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