Am I ill or is this stress?

[becky1000]

Just recently I have been through a very traumatic time in my life. At the time I felt I coped well but now that things are almost resolved I seem to be falling to pieces!
I do have a history of depression, panic attacks and anxiety going back about 15 years but have had everything pretty much in control for the last 5 years.
I have been feeling so ill - very tired, very weepy and neck ache, head ache, migraines, interrupted sleep.
I've been to the doctor - several times and had numerous blood tests and a general check-up. She is treating the symptoms but doesn't find anything much wrong with me. And yet I feel so ill all the time.
Years ago, I developed a phobia to medication, and a fear of doctors and hospitals and any illness, mainly because if I'm ill or see a doctor it normally means having to take some type of drug.
I've been unable to take the drugs the doctor prescribed which are for anxiety and for the pain in my neck. So I don't feel any better.
Because I'm so anxious that something is seriously wrong with me, I feel worse in fact.
The doctor agrees that what I have is caused by stress and is similar to post traumatic stress disorder.
Of course I still doubt her (I want to believe her!) and keep thinking there's something more - so I worry more and more and feel worse and worse.
My question is : I do understand that stress can make one feel weepy, tired, sleepless etc. but can it really make one feel ill? I feel like I have flu most of the time. Is this normal?

[bottleblond]

Hi Becky

Try to believe your doctor hun because i think she is spot on. Not all anxiety hits at the time of crisis, for some it can be days, weeks, months, even years later.

All the symptoms you list are classic for anxiety and stress. I know it's hard but try to go along with your doctors advice and i really hope things improve for you soon.


Take care

Love Lisa
xxx

[bluebell68]

Hi becky... I agree with Lisa ...the symptoms you have described are so typical of anxiety, im sure loads of people here will be able to relate them.... Anxiety absolutely can make us feel physically horrible... anxiety leads to adrenalin, which leads to increased heart rate, sometimes palps, dizzies, headaches etc ... the list can go on and on.... and although it can't hurt us, it can be very tiring for our bodies and minds, hence we feel drained and generally rubbish.... thats the bad news but the good news is we can get back to feeling well again by getting a handle on our anxiety, what meds has the doc perscribed you?... i know you said that you feel like you can';t take them, but if there is anyway that you could try, they will almost certainly help... i was adamant i wasn't gonna take mine, for loads of reasons.... but im so glad i have cos after a few side effects at the start, i now feel loads better... they are not a cure , and i still have a way to go but i feel i am starting to turn a corner.... be kind to yourself... try and eat regularly and get lots of rest and it will help you ride out the fatigue.... keep posting too and checking in, cos there are loads of great people on here who can advise and support you...
Hugs
Rachel

[Janieb]

Hi Becky!! I just wanted to say hello cayse I noticed your South African and so am I I am sad like

When I am stressed it knocks me for a six, I get tired, weepy horrable sore throat sometimes and my body just generally feels horrable. the things stress can do on a person's body is emense I mean panic attacks can feel like heart attacks sometimes

This is a great site to help work through the worries, in some way it's always reassusing to know that someone out there is feeling similar to you.

Hope you feel better soon!
Take care,
Janie

[becky1000]

Thanks so much to all of you for the replies and the reassurance which is probably just what I need to help me relax. I do feel better having read your replies and also because it's evening and the anxiety seems to lift in the evening. I still feel like my head's ready to explode though.

The medication given to me by the doctor is a tranquiliser which I'm told to take at night because it'll make me sleepy. But at night I feel fine, it's the mornings that are bad. The other tablet is for the pain in my neck and head. But because of my phobia I just feel that if I take the drugs I'll have a panic attack and make myself worse. If it was a matter of life or death I would certainly take what was prescribed but since the headaches are due to anxiety then it'll surely clear up by itself? I know it sounds silly to put up with this pain day after day when I could just take a tablet to clear it, but a panic attack is a scary thing and I'll do anything to avoid it.

I have accepted that Ï'm suffering from anxiety and not some terrible rare illness and this evening I feel completey relaxed. So why is it that i still feel ill?

[Seffie]

Hi Becky,
just wanted to reassure you that anxiety etc can make you feel awful when it goes on for long enough.
I have suffered from anxiety on & off for almost 20 years but it was never too much of a problem but afew years ago it took off & I was really struggling with it. Then, 2 years ago I was still coping with anxiety & frequent panic attacks, I was doing a diploma course & working 4 days a week as well as coping with menopause symptoms when my mum died unexpectantly.
I struggled on for about 3 months & then one day I felt like I had the flu-I just felt so ill & exhausted. My doctors just said it was stress & depression although I felt I was depressed because of how I felt! Anyway, I changed doctors & was diagnosed with CFS/ME. (not saying you have this!)

I started doing a new therapy last September & I have steadily improved since then. My therapist is amazing & now I realise that chronic stress, anxiety & fear of feeling ill has been the cause of all these horrible symptoms.
It has taken me some time to accept that how my mind works affects how my body reacts & that basically your body is a physical manifestation of your mind.

Anxiety etc IS exhausting & I can assure you that last year there were times when I felt so unwell I didn't know what to do with myself. I was caught in an illness loop, anxiety-symptoms-fear-anxiety.

If your doctor has checked you over then I would strongly suggest you tackle the anxiety & it's root cause & I'm sure you'll find that the fatigue will gradually lift but don't worry because this can take time-Claire Weekes talks about this in one of her books.

Hope you feel better soon, be reassured many of us here have felt like you do.
Seffie x

[becky1000]

Thank you so much Seffie. It's always good to hear from someone who has had similar symptoms and most especially to hear that they have made it through.

I have asked myself this morning "What's the worst thing that could happen?" but unfortunately my mind replied "You could go mad and end up in a mental assylum" !

The worst thing for me is that I have suffered from this condition for close to 16 years now but for the last 4 years or so I have been completely anxiety/panic/depression free. I believed I had learned how to control it and although I knew it would always be there I felt I would never again take a dive into this pit.

I was, in fact, counselling other sufferers and had written up a sort of survival guide to help people and they all said how much it had helped them.
And then - out of the blue I got hit with this. It just sneaked up and took me completely unawares and I was so confident in my recovery that I didn't even recognise the symptoms.

So now I have to follow my own advice which I am doing but I must admit that I'm struggling with all these symptoms and feel quite ill most of the time and it's the feeling physically ill that's causing me to panic. I KNOW THAT! So if I can recognise what's happenng to me - why is it still happening?
Somehow I still feel that it's all out of my control. Like someone's zapping me with a new and different ailment each day. It's so hard to believe that my mind is doing this to me.

Thanks again to everyone for your replies.

[Seffie]

Hi Becky,
I understand exactly what you're saying because I used to say the same thing-if I felt OK physically then I wouldn't be panicking etc.
I used to feel so ill at times & it scared me so much but I remember on one particularly bad day , lying in bed with all these negative, scary thoughts running round & round in my head & I just kept feeling worse. I got an appt at the doctors & managed to get there feeling awful, convinced they would take one look at me & send me to hospital but the doctor did very little, just gave me some iron tablets as I was borderline anaemic.

However, I realised that when I got back I felt a little better & had something to eat & I realised that being able to see the doctor had reassured me enough to make me feel better so I figured that it must be psychological.
Obviously, I can only talk about my experience. I'm sure your doctor is doing everything to check you're OK & as all the tests seem to have come back clear then it sounds like you're fine.

Look, all I'm trying to say is that I went through the exact same thing last year-'I feel so ill, there must be something wrong with me, why do they always put it down to anxiety?, it can't just be stress' etc, etc.
I felt so isolated & misunderstood. It took me such a long time to accept that anxiety could make me feel so unwell but even when I understood this it didn't go away immediately because I was still so afraid of feeling ill.

On good days I worried about the symptoms coming back & that worry was enough to bring them back because worry & fear tell your body that you're in danger & so the hypothalamus switches on the red alert button & the body responds accordingly-adrenaline etc.

I know from your post that you know a lot of this already, I feel the same as you & understand anxiety inside out but that isn't enough to stop it coming or making me feel like crap.
My therapist said to me that although it helps to understand what's going on, it doesn't necessarily cure it, it just eliminates some of the fear.

Anyway, I hope you get the all clear from your doctor & you start feeling better soon.
The therapy that I have done is called reverse therapy but now we are also using NLP & hypnotherapy.
Take care
Seffie xx

[becky1000]

Hi Seffie

Thanks again for your reassuring advice.
Everything you've written I can relate to - it could almost be me talking!

I catch myself imagining scenarios like me being carted off to hospital in an ambulance or worse still, collapsing at home, dying and my children having to cope withut me. All such horrible negative stuff.

I do understand alot about anxiety as I've had it on and off for years now and have done alot of research. And yet, when it hits me like this it's still somewhat of a mystery and it seems that way to most peple who suffer from it.
This forum has really helped, reading everyone's stories and problems I have begun to calm down.
one thing I've tried to do is tell myself that I will learn from this episode in order to cope better next time or to help other people in the same situation and it's helped be to think that this is a sort of experiment and not just a total waste of time.

Having a very sympathetic husband has also helped. He has booked me into a spa tomorrow and to visit the doctor there to give me some advice on nutrition and lifestyle.

Now that I've started to calm down, I look back at last week and think I must have sounded like a crazy hypochondriac. I'm normally a very calm and controlled person. Amazing what a bit of anxiety can do to a person.

Thanks again for all your help
Becky

[Seffie]

Hi Becky,
glad you're feeling better! Don't worry-we've all done the 'crazy hypochondriac' thing at one time or another!!
I know what you mean about it being like a mystery, I just wish I could turn off the fear & adrenaline & then I'd be OK! I'm sure non-anxious people think you can just stop being anxious if you really want to, they have no idea do they? If only it were that simple!
Your husband sounds lovely to have booked you in to a spa-you're very lucky, my husband just doesn't get how easy it is to be supportive!
Enjoy your spa day-it's one of my favourite things to do!
Take care
Seffie xx