Hiya all
I'm relatively new here and so far have found some brilliant and ueful info and posts which have been a real support for me.
However, I'm really struggling at the moment and I just really need to vent as I don't have anywhere else to turn. I'm sorry in advance for the long ramble...
I've suffered from emetophobia and also a fear of having an upset stomach 'the other way' for as long as I can remember. Reading the earlier thread on Norovirus has made me see that I'm no longer alone with the way I behave. I've also been diagnosed with OCD.
About 3 years ago I started to have what I think was a mini breakdown after I'd had a minor upset tummy. It sounds so stupid to write that down, but it actually did happen. I ended up losing an awful lot of weight as I was literally starving myself to ridiculous lengths in order to prevent it happening again. I've never been right or mentally well since.
I'm now quite severely underweight and both phobias seem to just be getting worse and worse.
In December last year I was diagnosed as having Endometriosis (despite being badly underweight I'm still having regular periods) and I'm suposed to be going into hospital for a laparoscopy with possible partial hysterectomy even though I'm only 28. However, the operation was recently postponed because I'm too skinny to be operated on and need to put weight on. I've been given 3 months to try and sort myself out - time is slipping away and I'm putting more and more pressure on myself to gain weight, and the more pressure I put on myself the worse the anxiety gets, the worse the phobias get and the less I eat etc etc etc...
In desperation I went back to see my GP last week - I've already had a course of CBT for the OCD which helped in some ways but not in others. We did a little diagnostic test to see how I was coping and the net result of this was that I've now also been diagnosed with severe clinical depression. She wants me to try some medication again (I previously have had beta blockers which I was allergic to and Anafranil which I had a bad reaction to).
So I've been prescribed Mirtazapine - because it has weight gain as a side effect and also works on anxiety. She also gave me some build up drinks to take. However, she doesn' really understand how the emetophobia affects me - and while the rational side of my brain is telling me that side effects are side effects, and I should just treat them as that, the irrational side of my brain is telling me that if I take the tablets and I get side effects (such as being sick or having 'the other') then I'll stop eating again and lose more weight.
In the meantime my weight is still bad, my depression is getting worse and I'm in a vicious cycle which I can't get out of - and I've got this stupid deadline to meet for this operation which I just can't cope with anymore. I don't know what to do anymore...
I'm so sorry to ramble on, I just have nowhere else to turn.
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but yea you say about the side affects and all i took one of them depression tablets after reading the side affects i was at the toilets all day until i thought that the tablet would be out of my system. anyway i was 5 stone 8 and they wanted to put me in hospital but the hospital being a place where people were ill no way were they getting me in there. i used to have this bloke called paul come round to talk to me about everything and it really helped. With the food do you ever get the feeling as you cant swollow it? if so its all to do with your brain if you concertrate on something else and chew and swallow you should do it automatically rather than think about it. try watching that fussy eaters program tis quite good.
